-- MySQL dump 10.11
--
-- Host: mysql1046.servage.net    Database: mrjoke
-- ------------------------------------------------------
-- Server version	5.0.85-log
/*!40103 SET @OLD_TIME_ZONE=@@TIME_ZONE */;
/*!40103 SET TIME_ZONE='+00:00' */;
/*!40014 SET @OLD_UNIQUE_CHECKS=@@UNIQUE_CHECKS, UNIQUE_CHECKS=0 */;
/*!40014 SET @OLD_FOREIGN_KEY_CHECKS=@@FOREIGN_KEY_CHECKS, FOREIGN_KEY_CHECKS=0 */;
/*!40101 SET @OLD_SQL_MODE=@@SQL_MODE, SQL_MODE='NO_AUTO_VALUE_ON_ZERO' */;
/*!40111 SET @OLD_SQL_NOTES=@@SQL_NOTES, SQL_NOTES=0 */;

--
-- Table structure for table `admin`
--

SET @saved_cs_client     = @@character_set_client;
SET character_set_client = utf8;
CREATE TABLE `admin` (
  `user` varchar(50) default NULL,
  `password` varchar(50) default NULL
) ENGINE=MyISAM DEFAULT CHARSET=latin1;
SET character_set_client = @saved_cs_client;

--
-- Dumping data for table `admin`
--

INSERT INTO `admin` VALUES ('admin','3939');

--
-- Table structure for table `joke_ratings`
--

SET @saved_cs_client     = @@character_set_client;
SET character_set_client = utf8;
CREATE TABLE `joke_ratings` (
  `id` int(10) unsigned NOT NULL default '0',
  `rating` float(10,2) NOT NULL default '0.00',
  `ip` varchar(50) NOT NULL default '',
  `ctype` varchar(24) default NULL,
  `rating_avg` int(15) default NULL,
  `rate_date` varchar(16) default NULL
) ENGINE=MyISAM DEFAULT CHARSET=latin1;
SET character_set_client = @saved_cs_client;

--
-- Dumping data for table `joke_ratings`
--

INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (83,3.00,'127.0.0.1',NULL,NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (97,3.00,'127.0.0.1',NULL,NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (78,4.00,'127.0.0.1',NULL,NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (46,3.00,'127.0.0.1',NULL,NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (0,0.00,'',NULL,NULL,NULL);
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INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (72,0.00,'127.0.0.1','jokes',6,'2007-02-02');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (84,0.00,'127.0.0.1','jokes',3,'2007-02-02');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (66,0.00,'127.0.0.1','jokes',3,'2007-02-02');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (42,0.00,'127.0.0.1','jokes',10,'2007-02-02');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (36,0.00,'127.0.0.1','jokes',1,'2007-02-02');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (78,0.00,'127.0.0.1','jokes',10,'2007-02-03');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (70,0.00,'127.0.0.1','jokes',10,'2007-02-03');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (3,0.00,'127.0.0.1','jokes',10,'2007-02-04');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (1,0.00,'127.0.0.1','jokes',10,'2007-02-04');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (4,0.00,'127.0.0.1','jokes',10,'2007-02-04');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (7,0.00,'127.0.0.1','jokes',10,'2007-02-04');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (8,0.00,'127.0.0.1','jokes',10,'2007-02-08');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (10,0.00,'127.0.0.1','jokes',10,'2007-02-11');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (16,0.00,'127.0.0.1','jokes',10,'2007-02-11');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (14,0.00,'127.0.0.1','jokes',10,'2007-02-11');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (12,0.00,'127.0.0.1','jokes',10,'2007-02-12');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (13,0.00,'127.0.0.1','jokes',10,'2007-02-12');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (396,0.00,'72.193.12.237','',5,'2007-08-04');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (2592,0.00,'124.180.86.83','',10,'2007-09-18');
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INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (2601,0.00,'58.165.18.25','',10,'2007-09-19');
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INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (2601,0.00,'124.180.220.168','',10,'2007-09-22');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (2601,0.00,'58.168.213.87','',10,'2007-09-23');
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INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (2619,0.00,'203.51.130.15','',9,'2007-09-24');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (2601,0.00,'121.219.8.113','',9,'2007-09-29');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (2661,0.00,'124.176.183.130','',10,'2007-10-07');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (2591,0.00,'72.166.43.4','',10,'2007-12-04');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (140,0.00,'12.75.7.64','',7,'2007-12-13');
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INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (427,0.00,'198.166.245.183','',8,'2007-12-19');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (2598,0.00,'198.166.245.183','',2,'2007-12-19');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (422,0.00,'198.166.245.183','',9,'2007-12-19');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (395,0.00,'198.166.245.183','',9,'2007-12-19');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (2678,0.00,'216.99.36.64','',3,'2007-12-19');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (60,0.00,'81.246.185.171','',10,'2007-12-22');
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INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (2493,0.00,'89.216.175.230','',10,'2007-12-28');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (140,0.00,'208.186.134.104','',1,'2007-12-30');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (2505,0.00,'76.236.130.124','',1,'2007-12-31');
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INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (422,0.00,'76.160.222.142','',10,'2007-12-31');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (395,0.00,'203.82.48.187','',10,'2008-01-04');
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INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (2591,0.00,'71.162.42.59','',10,'2008-01-11');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (2598,0.00,'71.162.42.59','',1,'2008-01-11');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (30,0.00,'71.134.230.149','',10,'2008-01-12');
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INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (672,0.00,'200.147.61.78','',5,'2008-01-13');
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INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (2579,0.00,'24.39.183.5','',1,'2008-01-14');
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INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (667,0.00,'99.240.208.37','',8,'2008-01-17');
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INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (422,0.00,'203.87.43.5','',1,'2008-01-18');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (2713,0.00,'62.171.194.6','',10,'2008-01-18');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (427,0.00,'24.141.130.88','',1,'2008-01-19');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (685,0.00,'74.73.178.253','',10,'2008-01-19');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (2591,0.00,'134.71.88.84','',6,'2008-01-19');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (1268,0.00,'88.100.141.225','',5,'2008-01-19');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (803,0.00,'86.160.84.176','',7,'2008-01-20');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (1967,0.00,'61.95.147.18','',10,'2008-01-21');
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INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (60,0.00,'64.85.46.73','',9,'2008-01-21');
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INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (2591,0.00,'38.116.200.10','',10,'2008-01-24');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (24,0.00,'142.176.240.154','',10,'2008-01-24');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (2579,0.00,'212.219.92.5','',1,'2008-01-25');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (1927,0.00,'67.72.98.116','',10,'2008-01-25');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (85,0.00,'77.107.197.198','',6,'2008-01-26');
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INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (34,0.00,'167.230.104.90','',8,'2008-01-31');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (685,0.00,'70.230.218.222','',9,'2008-02-01');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (2591,0.00,'89.101.132.93','',10,'2008-02-01');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (34,0.00,'62.244.182.162','',4,'2008-02-01');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (395,0.00,'99.129.219.233','',7,'2008-02-02');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (2579,0.00,'74.68.20.72','',8,'2008-02-02');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (2591,0.00,'157.130.224.62','',6,'2008-02-03');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (85,0.00,'157.130.224.62','',10,'2008-02-03');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (27,0.00,'157.130.224.62','',10,'2008-02-03');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (127,0.00,'157.130.224.62','',10,'2008-02-03');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (2579,0.00,'157.130.224.62','',7,'2008-02-03');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (141,0.00,'157.130.224.62','',10,'2008-02-03');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (424,0.00,'157.130.224.62','',10,'2008-02-03');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (427,0.00,'157.130.224.62','',10,'2008-02-03');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (2591,0.00,'64.251.53.99','',1,'2008-02-04');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (427,0.00,'70.184.16.78','',10,'2008-02-06');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (30,0.00,'66.60.179.61','',2,'2008-02-06');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (424,0.00,'64.3.102.228','',2,'2008-02-06');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (669,0.00,'64.3.102.228','',1,'2008-02-06');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (141,0.00,'129.82.61.206','',10,'2008-02-06');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (141,0.00,'24.205.183.252','',7,'2008-02-08');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (2493,0.00,'71.226.241.185','',10,'2008-02-11');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (1927,0.00,'159.134.11.112','',10,'2008-02-11');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (1263,0.00,'203.199.178.160','',10,'2008-02-12');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (2712,0.00,'76.84.147.200','',10,'2008-02-12');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (784,0.00,'24.20.140.234','',1,'2008-02-14');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (1469,0.00,'205.188.116.207','',7,'2008-02-14');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (2591,0.00,'24.225.55.38','',1,'2008-02-14');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (2508,0.00,'213.55.85.45','',5,'2008-02-14');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (129,0.00,'152.106.240.12','',1,'2008-02-14');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (2591,0.00,'138.27.1.3','',10,'2008-02-14');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (2579,0.00,'138.27.1.3','',1,'2008-02-14');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (672,0.00,'138.27.1.3','',1,'2008-02-14');
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INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (2678,0.00,'82.16.206.207','',2,'2008-02-15');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (2579,0.00,'79.73.161.132','',1,'2008-02-15');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (1274,0.00,'68.21.38.202','',1,'2008-02-16');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (2726,0.00,'202.88.249.60','',1,'2008-02-16');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (114,0.00,'202.88.249.60','',10,'2008-02-16');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (67,0.00,'41.206.160.2','',10,'2008-02-19');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (2712,0.00,'4.158.0.137','',10,'2008-02-20');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (114,0.00,'219.89.93.168','',1,'2008-02-21');
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INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (141,0.00,'60.234.184.82','',10,'2008-02-25');
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INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (424,0.00,'69.29.144.193','',5,'2008-03-06');
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INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (64,0.00,'124.182.99.152','',1,'2008-04-24');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (2527,0.00,'84.71.62.243','',3,'2008-04-24');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (2591,0.00,'67.161.159.83','',6,'2008-04-24');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (2591,0.00,'76.102.247.82','',1,'2008-04-30');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (2712,0.00,'216.229.196.20','',10,'2008-05-02');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (2508,0.00,'74.227.148.143','',10,'2008-05-08');
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INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (34,0.00,'74.227.148.143','',1,'2008-05-08');
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INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (1469,0.00,'68.88.7.38','',10,'2008-05-09');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (1470,0.00,'79.75.149.213','',2,'2008-05-09');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (2505,0.00,'70.240.13.201','',10,'2008-05-11');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (140,0.00,'121.223.150.229','',1,'2008-05-12');
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INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (395,0.00,'141.161.75.72','',1,'2008-05-16');
INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (400,0.00,'165.233.152.25','',1,'2008-05-23');
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INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (688,0.00,'24.44.107.59','',10,'2008-05-27');
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INSERT INTO `joke_ratings` VALUES (2527,0.00,'68.104.17.154','',8,'2008-12-19');

--
-- Table structure for table `jokes`
--

SET @saved_cs_client     = @@character_set_client;
SET character_set_client = utf8;
CREATE TABLE `jokes` (
  `id` int(10) NOT NULL auto_increment,
  `cat_id` int(5) NOT NULL default '0',
  `title` varchar(100) NOT NULL default '',
  `joke` text NOT NULL,
  `picture` varchar(120) default NULL,
  `ratings` double(7,2) default '0.00',
  `voted` int(5) default NULL,
  `views` int(10) default '0',
  `status` int(1) default '0',
  `date` int(1) default '0',
  `featured` int(1) default '0',
  `keywords` varchar(150) NOT NULL default '0',
  `name` varchar(150) default NULL,
  `email` varchar(255) default NULL,
  PRIMARY KEY  (`id`)
) ENGINE=MyISAM AUTO_INCREMENT=5853 DEFAULT CHARSET=latin1;
SET character_set_client = @saved_cs_client;

--
-- Dumping data for table `jokes`
--

INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (34,2,'The Fowl-Mouthed Parrot!','A woman was walking down the street past a pet shop, and when she looked in the window there was a gorgeous parrot for sale with a sign that said \"$50.00\".\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nShe had always wanted a parrot, but had found them to be too expensive, so she rushed in and asked the proprietor, \"Why is this parrot so cheap?\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"Well,\" he replied, \"You see, that parrot was in a brothel for awhile, and learned some bad language, so nobody seems to want it.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nHow bad could it be?, the woman thought.\r<BR>\nFinally, she decided to buy it anyway, as it was such a beautiful bird. She took it home in a cage and put it on the table.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe parrot looked around and said \"Awk! New House, New Madam!\"\r<BR>\n\"Well,\" the woman thought, \"That\'s not so bad.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThen the woman\'s two daughters came home from school.\r<BR>\n\"Awk!\", the parrot said, \"New Madam, New Whores!\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWell, that upset them a bit, but they tried to laugh it off, and decided that wasn\'t so bad either. Then the woman\'s husband came home from work.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"Awk!\" The parrot said, \"New Madam, New Whores, Same old faces! Hi George!\"',NULL,0.77,13,3300,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (30,2,'The Little Boy Who Was Stomping','One day, a little boy, was outside in the backyard stomping on honeybees.\r\n\r\nWhen his father came out and saw what the little boy was doing, he made him stop right away and told the little boy, \"That\'s it for you. No honey for a week.\"\r\n\r\nWell, then the little boy went to the front yard of the house and started stomping on butterflies. When his father saw what Teddy was doing, he made him stop right away and said, \"Stomping on butterflies is a terrible thing to do. Just for that, no butter for a week.\"\r\n\r\nAfter that, little boy and his father went into the kitchen and saw the little boy\'s mother stomping on cockroaches.\r\n\r\nThe little boy turned to his father and said, \"Should I tell her or should you?\"',NULL,0.29,7,1421,1,1,2,'1',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (27,2,'The Road Runner','The Roadrunner was feeling very amorous one day, and since there were no other female roadrunners around, he decided to look around.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nHe happened to spot a lovely dove. Bzzzzzz... down he goes and feathers are flying, lots of dust in the air and the dazed dove is lying there with a smile and says, \"I\'m a dove and I\'ve been loved!\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe Roadrunner is still not satisfied. He spots a Lark flying around and zooms down on her. Again, feathers are flying around and dust is in the air and the dazed Lark is lying there and said, \"I\'m a Lark and I\'ve been sparked\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe Roadrunner is still not satisfied and spots a Duck. He zooms down and again feathers are flying and a lot of squawkings and dust flying in the air, and the roadrunner takes off.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe Duck is lying there really pissed off, and says \"I\'m a Drake and there\'s been a mistake!\"',NULL,2.50,4,977,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (24,2,'Three Dogs','There were three dogs at the vet talking to each other when one says,\"I chewed up all my masters shoes, and that\'s why I\'m here\". \r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe next dog said,\"I peed on my masters $1,000 rug\". \r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe next dog then comes in and say\'s,\"My master is a female and she likes to clean house in the nude, so when she bent over to pick up something, I went for the ride of a life time!\". \r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"And that\'s why you\'re here?\" asked the other dogs. \"No, I\'m getting my nails clipped.\"',NULL,2.50,4,3127,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (114,2,'Hungry Rooster','A Rolls Royce pulls up in front of a really expensive restaurant and a really rich sheik gets out from it followed by a harem of women, and a rooster. The \"party\" is escorted to a table and given a menu.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWhen time to order the sheik orders for himself and the harem, and also asks for a basket of apples for the rooster. The waiter thinks it a bit strange, but does as is asked, and brings the apples for the rooster. One by one, the rooster eats all of the apples. Having\r<BR>\nnoticed this, the sheik orders another basket of apples for the rooster. Again the rooster eats all the apples.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWhen summoned again, the waiter asks the sheik about the voracious appetite of the rooster.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe sheik explains:\r<BR>\n\"I was in the desert one day and found a lamp.\r<BR>\nIt was a bit dirty so I rubbed it to clean it.\r<BR>\nJust as I did, out came a Genie and granted me three wishes...\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nMy first wish was to have an endless supply of money. \r<BR>\nMy second wish was to have many beatiful women.\r<BR>\nAnd my third wish was to have an insatiable cock!\"',NULL,0.50,2,556,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (115,2,'Huey, Dewy, and Puddles','A young girl is wandering through a park in the pouring rain, when she comes across 3 dogs. Being a bit of an animal lover, she approaches them, bends down and starts to stroke one of them: \"Ah, you\'re lovely, aren\'t you?\" she says to the first dog. \"What\'s your name?\" To her surprise, the dog actually answers her, \"My name\'s Huey, and I\'ve had a great day going in and out of puddles.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nDelighted with this discovery, she moves on to the next dog. \"And what\'s your name then?\" Again, unbelievably, the 2nd dog answers her, \"My name\'s Lewy, and I\'ve had a great day going in and out of puddles.\" And so she moves on to the last dog. \"Let me guess,\" she says. \"your name\'s Dewy, and you\'ve had a great day going in and out of puddles.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"No,\" replies the last dog. \"My name\'s Puddles, and I\'ve had an awful day!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,378,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (60,2,'Horny Rooster','A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster - one that would service all of his many hens. \r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWhen he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied, \"I have just the rooster for you. Henry here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nSo the farmer took Henry back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the hen house though, he gave Henry a little pep talk. \"Henry\", he said, \"I\'m counting on you to do your stuff.\" And without a word, Henry then strutted into the hen house.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nHenry was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, till Henry had finished having his way with each hen. But Henry didn\'t stop there, he went in to the barn and mounted all the horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace. Then he went to the pig house where he did the same. \r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe farmer, watching all of this with disbelief, cried out, \"Stop, Henry, you\'ll kill yourself.\" But Henry continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWell the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Henry lying there on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above Henry.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe farmer walked up to Henry saying, \"Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you\'ve gone and killed yourself. I warned you big buddy.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"Shhhhh,\" Henry whispered, \"The buzzard is getting closer.\"',NULL,3.00,3,2509,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (63,2,'Elephant Experiment','Three scientists were one day discussing what would happen if they rammed a cork up an elephant\'s backside and force fed it for 2 weeks. But because the experiment had never been documented and the idea was hard to comprehend they decided to have a go.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nA week after the experiment had started they began to realize WHY the idea had never been tried: they were stuck for someone to pull the cork out.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nOne of the scientists came up with the bright idea of training a monkey to do the job, so they spent the next week training it to pull out corks once a buzzer had rung, then push it back in for another go. When the big day arrived they set up all the monitoring equipment and moved out to a safe distance.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe first scientist went 1 mile away, the second went 2 miles away and the third went 3 miles. When they were all ready the first scientist pushed the button to sound the buzzer. BBBAAANNNGGG!!!!!!!\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe third scientist (3 miles away) was up to his ankles in shit, the second (2 miles away) was up to his knees and the first (1 mile away) was up to his waist. When the others joined the scientist who was 1 mile away they noticed that he was in fits of laughter.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"What the %$*& is so funny?\" asked one of the scientist.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"You should have seen the monkey\'s face trying to get the cork back in!!!\"',NULL,10.00,1,1349,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (122,2,'Duck shopper','A duck walks in to a drug store and asks for a condom.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe sales person comes back with the condom and says \"Put this on your bill sir\" to which the duck replies \"what do you think I\'M a dickhead!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,374,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (64,2,'Donald Duck','Donald Duck walked into a drugstore & asked for a packet of condoms.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"Certainly, sir\" said the lady behind the counter, \"shall I put them on your bill?\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"NO WAY!\" replied Donald Duck, \"What do you think I am, a Dickhead?!\" ',NULL,1.00,1,473,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (124,2,'Dog story','A veterinarian got a phone call at midnight one night.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe woman on the other end of the phone said, \"My wee puppy is together with the dog from next door and I can\'t get them apart.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe vet asked her if she tried throwing a bucket of water on them.\r<BR>\nShe said \"Yes, but it didn\'t work.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nHe said, \"Did you try hitting them with a broom.\"\r<BR>\nShe said, \"Yes, but that didn\'t work either.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nHe then said, \"Well Ma\'am here\'s what you do. Hang up. I\'ll call you back. When the phone rings, they will separate.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nShe said, \"Do you really think that will work?\"\r<BR>\nHe said, \"Well it just did for me!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,434,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (125,2,'Circus Elephant','There was this guy who bought an elderly circus elephant. Alas, he couldn\'t afford to feed it. He\'d never seen an elephant jump with all 4 feet off the ground. So he started a contest: entry was $10, and the first person to get the elephant to jump with all 4 feet off the ground would get $50,000.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nAll sorts of people tried, but nobody could get the elephant to jump. Finally, this little guy arrives in a limousine. He\'s carrying a baseball bat. He walks up to the elephant, swings the bat, and crunches the elephants balls pretty badly. Needless to say, the elephant jumps, and the owner pays out the $50,000. Unfortunately, the owner had barely collected enough to cover the prize, so he ran another contest.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nHe\'d never seen an elephant swing its head back and forth as if to say, \"no.\" Same deal as before: $10 per entry, $50,000 prize. Lots of people try and fail. Then the little guy shows up in his limousine again, pulls out his bat, and walks up to the elephant. He says, \"Remember me?\" The elephant nods yes.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe man then holds up his bat and says, \"Want me to use this again?\" The elephant nods his head rather emphatically no....',NULL,0.00,NULL,380,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (67,2,'Chicken and the Egg','There was a chicken and a egg laying in bed together.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe chicken has a satisfied look on her face... The egg looks a her and he say\'s \"Well I guess we settled that question now didn\'t we.\"',NULL,0.33,3,1049,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (127,2,'Whales','A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nHe said to the female whale, \"Let\'s both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink.\" They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nSoon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female \"lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nAt this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. \"Look,\" she said, \"I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen!\"',NULL,2.50,2,652,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (140,3,'Bad News','This man walks in a bar and says to the bartender, \"Hey Joe, how about fixing me up with 8 shots of whiskey and 8 bottles of beer?\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe Man says, \"Well, my son has just come home from college and I found out he\'s gay.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nJoe says, \"Man that\'s terrible,\" and gives the man his whiskey and beer.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nTwo weeks go by and the same man goes to the bar... He walks in and says, \"Hey Joe, how about fixing me up with 8 shots of whiskey and 8 bottles of beer?\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nJoe says, \"Well hell, what\'s the matter this time?\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe man says, \"Well my other boy just come home from college and I found out that HE\'S gay.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nJoe says, \"Man, that\'s a damn shame,\" and fixes him up with the beer and whiskey.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThree weeks go by and the man comes bursting through the doors and says, \"Joe, I want you to fix me up with every f*cking drink you got in the house!\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nJoe says, \"Geez, doesn\'t anyone in your family love women?\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe man says, \"Yeah, I just found out my wife does...\"',NULL,1.00,10,2663,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (85,3,'The Crying Horse','One day a guy walks into a bar. The bartender says \"if you can make that horse over there laugh you can have free drinks for the rest of the night\". \r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nSo he says \"ok\" and walks over to the horse and whispers something in his ear and he starts laughing and the bartender gives him free drinks for the rest of the night. \r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe next night the same guy comes back in and the bartender says \"if you can make that horse over there cry i will give you free drinks for the rest of the night. \r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nSo he walks over there and does something and the horse starts crying, and the bartender gives him free drinks. Then the bartender asks what the man did to make the horse laugh and what he did to make him cry.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe man says \"To make him laugh I told him I had a bigger dick than he does and to make him cry I showed him\".',NULL,2.50,4,767,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (129,3,'Suzy\'s Legs','There were three guys in a new bar that just openened and the bartender asked them what he should call his new bar.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nOne guy said, \"just name it a pub.\"\r<BR>\nAnother said, \"just name it the bar.\"\r<BR>\nThe thrid guy said, \"name it Suzy\'s Legs\".\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe owner like that one so he called his bar Suzy\'s Legs.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe next morning, this same guy and his dog were sitting in front of the bar waiting for it to open when a cop drove by and asked what he was doing?\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nHe replied...nothing officer...\"just waiting for Suzy\'s Legs to open so I can get a drink!\"',NULL,0.33,3,674,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (141,3,'I Blew Chunks','3 guys go into a bar. The booze begins to flow pretty heavily in the course of the evening and the guys get split up. Next morning they\'re all at work discussing what went on after they lost one other...\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe first guy says, \"Man I was so trashed last night I went home and blew chunks!\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe second goes, \"Shit that\'s nothing I was so tanked that I drove my damn car into a tree. Totaled it. I have no idea what the cops are going to do!\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe third guy says, \"That\'s nothing I was so drunk that I went home and starting cussing my girlfriend out and in the process knocked over a candle and it caught the whole damn apartment on fire - the insurance won\'t cover it, plus my girlfriend left me.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe first guy leans back in and whispers, \"I don\'t think you guys understand, Chunks is my dog.\"',NULL,2.50,4,573,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (155,3,'Snail Beer','A snail goes into a bar and orders a beer.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe barman says \'Sorry we don\'t serve snails\' and throws him out.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nA couple of weeks later the snail goes into the bar again and says...\r<BR>\n\'What did you do that for!\'',NULL,0.00,NULL,397,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (119,3,'SOTALLY TOBER','starkle starkle little twink\r<BR>\nwho the hell you are I think\r<BR>\nI\'m not under what you call\r<BR>\nthe alcofluence of incohol\r<BR>\nI\'m just a little slort of sheep\r<BR>\nI\'m not drunk like tinkle peep\r<BR>\nI don\'t know who is me yet\r<BR>\nbut the drunker I stand here\r<BR>\nthe longer I get \r<BR>\nJust give me one more drink\r<BR>\nto fill me cup\r<BR>\n\'cuz I got all day sober\r<BR>\nto Sunday up',NULL,0.00,NULL,422,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (204,3,'The Golden Toilet','There was this guy, let\'s call him bob. One night Bob went to about 5 bars, and he drank, like, 17 beers.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nAfter he was done with that, like any normally functioning person, he really had to go. So he asked the bartender where the bathroom was, and he went to where he thought it was.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nLater that night, Bob was laying in bed trying to go to sleep, and he was thought, \"wait a minute.. there was a golden toilet!!\" Right then he got up and went out to find the special toilet. He had hit 5 bars that night, so he went to the first one, asked where the bathroom was, when he went and looked, there was no golden toilet.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThis continued until he got to the last bar, he was really tired by then, and rather then going to look for the toilet himself, he asked the bartender, \"do you by any chance have a golden toilet here?\" and the bartender said to another person that was there, \"hey! I think I found the guy who crapped in the tuba!!!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,455,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (395,4,'Pronounce it please!','Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. \r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nAs they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the \"blonde\" employee: \"Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are at... VERY SLOWLY?\" \r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe blonde girl leaned over the counter and said...\r<BR>\n\"Burrrrrrrr, Gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiing\"',NULL,1.43,7,1152,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (396,4,'Show Me Your License','A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.\r<BR>\nShe replied in a huff, \"I wish you guys could get your act together. \r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nJust yesterday one of you takes away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!!\"',NULL,0.50,2,958,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (400,4,'The Blonde and the Alligator','A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nAfter becoming very frustrated with the \"no haggle\" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, \"Maybe I\'ll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe shopkeeper said, \"By all means, be my guest. Maybe you\'ll luck out and catch yourself a big one!\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nDetermined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nLater in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. \r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nJust then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nShe takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on it\'s back, and frustrated, shouts out, \"This one isn\'t wearing any shoes either!\"',NULL,1.00,1,576,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (422,4,'The Y2K Blonde!','Blonde secretary\'s memo to her boss:\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nTO: My Boss\r<BR>\nFROM: Blondie\r<BR>\nSUBJECT: Changing Calendars For Y2K\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nI hope that I haven\'t misunderstood your instructions because, to be honest, none of this Y to K problem made much sense to me. At any rate, I have finished the conversion of all of the months on all the company calendars for you. The calendars have returned from the printer and are ready to be distributed with the following new months:\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nJanuark\r<BR>\nFebruark\r<BR>\nMak\r<BR>\nJulk\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nI also changed all the days of each week to:\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nSundak\r<BR>\nMondak\r<BR>\nTuesdak\r<BR>\nWednesdak\r<BR>\nThursdak\r<BR>\nFridak\r<BR>\nSaturdak\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWe are now Y to K compliant.\r<BR>\nYour loyal secretary!',NULL,2.50,4,682,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (423,4,'Tracks In The Woods','Three blondes were walking through the woods when they came upon a set of tracks.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"Looks like deer tracks\", said one blonde.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"No, it looks like maybe a cow track,\" another blonde suggested.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"Actually, I think they are just dog tracks,\" the third blonde offered.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThey were still arguing when the train hit them!',NULL,0.00,NULL,464,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (424,4,'Trip To The Desert','A red-head, a brunette, and a blonde went on a trip to the desert. They each brought one item for survival.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe red-head brought water. The blonde asked, \"Why?\" The red-head replied, \"To prevent us from dying of thirst.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe brunette brought food. The blonde asked, \"Why?\" The brunette replied, \"To prevent us from dying of hunger.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe blonde brought a car door. The red-head and brunette asked, \"Why?\" The blonde replied, \"To roll down the window if it gets hot.\"',NULL,1.67,3,536,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (427,4,'Walk through the park','One day a burnette and a blond lady were walking through the park.\r<BR>\nAll-of-a-sudden, the burnette stops and says \"Awe, look at the poor dead birdy.\"\r<BR>\nThe blond looks up and says \"Where!?\"',NULL,2.50,4,715,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (578,5,'21 types of pissers!','21 TYPES OF PEOPLE YOU MIGHT MEET IN THE MEN\'S ROOM!\r\n\r\nEXCITABLE: Shorts half twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts.\r\n\r\nSOCIABLE: Joins friends in piss whether he has to or not.\r\n\r\nCROSSEYED: Looks into next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed.\r\n\r\nTIMID: Can\'t piss if someone\'s watching, flushes urinal, comes back later.\r\n\r\nINDIFFERENT: All urinals being used, pisses in sink.\r\n\r\nCLEVER: No hands, fixes tie, looks around and usually pisses on floor.\r\n\r\nWORRIED: Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick inspection.\r\n\r\nFRIVOLOUS: Plays stream up, down and across urinals, tries to hit fly or bug.\r\n\r\nABSENT-MINDED: Opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants.\r\n\r\nCHILDISH: Pisses directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble.\r\n\r\nSNEAK: Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows man in next stall will get blamed.\r\n\r\nPATIENT: Stands very close for a long while waiting, reads with free hand.\r\n\r\nDESPERATE: Waits in long line, teeth floating, pisses in pants.\r\n\r\nTOUGH: Bangs dick on side of urinal to dry it.\r\n\r\nEFFICIENT: Waits until he has to crap, then does both.\r\n\r\nFAT: Backs up and takes a blind shot at urinal, pisses in shoe.\r\n\r\nLITTLE: Stands on box, falls in, drowns.\r\n\r\nDRUNK: Holds right thumb in left hand, pisses in pants.\r\n\r\nDISGRUNTLED: Stands for a while, gives up, walks away.\r\n\r\nCONCEITED: Holds two-inch dick like a baseball bat.\r\n\r\nRADICAL: Ignores urinal. Pisses on wall.',NULL,0.00,NULL,177,1,1,3,'4',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (581,5,'Crushing a man\'s ego real fast!','30 Things Never to Say to a Naked Man...\r\n\r\n1. I\'ve smoked fatter joints than that.\r\n2. Ahhhh, it\'s cute.\r\n3. Why don\'t we just cuddle?\r\n4. You know they have surgery to fix that.\r\n5. Make it dance.\r\n6. Can I paint a smiley face on it?\r\n7. Wow, and your feet are so big.\r\n8. It\'s OK, we\'ll work around it.\r\n9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?\r\n10. Oh no... a flash headache.\r\n11. (giggle and point)\r\n12. Can I be honest with you?\r\n13. How sweet, you brought incense.\r\n14. This explains your car.\r\n15. Maybe if we water it, it\'ll grow.\r\n16. Why is God punishing me?\r\n17. At least this won\'t take long.\r\n18. I never saw one like that before.\r\n19. But it still works, right?\r\n20. It looks so unused.\r\n21. Maybe it looks better in natural light.\r\n22. Why don\'t we skip right to the cigarettes?\r\n23. Are you cold?\r\n24. If you get me real drunk first.\r\n25. Is that an optical illusion?\r\n26. What is that?\r\n27. It\'s a good thing you have so many other talents.\r\n28. Does it come with an air pump?\r\n29. So this is why you\'re supposed to judge people on personality.\r\n30. I guess this makes me the \'early bird\'.',NULL,0.00,NULL,166,1,1,3,'4',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (583,5,'If men had a vagina','10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.\r\n9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.\r\n8. See if they could finally do splits.\r\n7. See if it\'s truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.\r\n6. Cross their legs without rearranging.\r\n5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes BEFORE closing time.\r\n4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.\r\n3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.\r\n2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts, too.\r\n\r\nand, the NUMBER ONE thing men would do if they woke up with a vagina .\r\n\r\n1. Finally find that damned G-spot.!!!!!',NULL,0.00,NULL,172,1,1,3,'4',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (585,5,'The Dump List','The Perfect Dump - Every once in a while, each of us experiences a perfect dump, it\'s rare, but a thing of beauty in all respects. You sit down expecting the worst, but what you get is a smooth sliding, fartless masterpiece that breaks the water with the splashless grace of an expert diver. But that\'s not the end of it. You use some toilet tissue only to find that it was totally unnecessary. It makes you feel that all is right with the world and you are in perfect harmony with it.\r\n\r\nThe Beer Dump - Talk about nasty dumps. Depending on the dumper\'s tolerance, the beer dump is the end result of too many beers. It could have been 2 or 22, it doesn\'t matter. What you get is a sinister, lengthy, noisy dump accompanied by a malevolent fog that could close a bathroom for days.\r\n\r\nThe Chili Dump - Hot when it goes in, and rocket fuel when it leaves. The chili dump stays with you all day, making your tush feel like a heat shield.\r\n\r\nThe Cable Dump - Long, curly and perfectly formed like 2 feet of E13 telephone CO-axial cable. It loops lazily around the bowl, like a friendly serpent. You wonder admiringly, \"DID I DO THAT? Where did it come from?\" you leave the bathroom pleased with yourself.\r\n\r\nThe Latrine Dump - In case you didn\'t know, a latrine is a hole in the ground with a tent around it where soldiers, boy scouts and flies go to dump.Tip: Don\'t ever, ever look in the hole.\r\n\r\nThe Mona Lisa Dump - This is the masterpiece of dumps. It\'s as perfectly formed as it can be. Delicate and slender with intricacies that would make da Vinci weep. And just think, you made it yourself. You may even want to break out the Polaroid, but maybe that\'s going a bit too far.\r\n\r\nThe Empty Roll Dump - You\'re done...you reach for the toilet paper only to discover that empty cardboard cylinder. A mild panic begins coldly in your throat. You could use the curtains...no, someone would say \"Where are the curtains?',NULL,0.00,NULL,186,1,1,3,'4',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (586,5,'Top ten things men would do if ...','TOP TEN things men would do if they woke up and had a vagina for a day:\r\n\r\n10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.\r\n9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.\r\n8. See if they could finally do the splits.\r\n7. See if it\'s truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.\r\n6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.\r\n5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes...BEFORE closing time.\r\n4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.\r\n3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.\r\n2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.\r\n1. And, the NUMBER ONE thing men would do if they woke up with a vagina...\r\n\r\nFinally find that damned G-spot.',NULL,0.00,NULL,179,1,1,3,'4',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (589,5,'Ways to tell someone their fly is open','20. The cucumber has left the salad.\r\n19. I can see the gun of Navarone.\r\n18. Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out.\r\n17. You\'ve got Windows on your laptop.\r\n16. Sailor Ned\'s trying to take a little shore leave.\r\n15. Your soldier ain\'t so unknown now.\r\n14. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.\r\n13. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.\r\n12. Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson...\r\n11. Your pod bay door is open, Hal.\r\n10. Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!\r\n9. Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.\r\n8. Ensign Hanes is reporting a hull breach on the lower deck, Sir!\r\n7. The Buick is not all the way in the garage.\r\n6. Dr. Kimble has escaped!\r\n5. You\'ve got your fly set for \"Monica\" instead of \"Hillary.\"\r\n4. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction...\r\n3. You\'ve got a security breach at Los Pantalones.\r\n2. I\'m talking about Shaft, can you dig it?\r\n1. I thought you were crazy, now I can clearly see your nuts.',NULL,0.00,NULL,176,1,1,3,'4',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (612,5,'A black and a white guy in heaven','A white guy and a black guy died and were on their way up to Heaven and they had to stop at the Pearly Gates before they could enter. So the Angel Gabriel was there waiting for them, and he told them that they had to do something before they could go anywhere.\r\n\r\nHe told the white guy to pull down his pants, so he did and Gabriel grabbed his dick and squeezed. It instantly melted. The white screamed in pain, and was sent downstairs.\r\n\r\nGabriel told the black guy to do the same, and he grabbed his dick and squeezed but nothing happened.\r\n\r\nWhen Gabriel asked him why it didn\'t affect him, he said, \"This is the type of chocolate that melts in your mouth and not in your hands\".',NULL,0.00,NULL,152,1,1,3,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (614,5,'And you thing you have it bad!','There\'s a celery, a carrot, and a dick talking.\r\n\r\nThe celery was like \"Man, I got it bad, they chop me up and put me in cold water!\"\r\n\r\nThen the carrot was like \"You think you got it bad they chop me up and stick me in HOT water!\"\r\n\r\nThen the dick said \"Ya, well I got it the worst.\r\nThey put me in a plastic bag, stick me in a dark cave, and make me do push-ups until I puke!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,162,1,1,3,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (615,5,'Another Castration','A man went to his doctor and said, \"I want to be castrated.\"\r\n\"What?\" said the doctor, \"surely you don\'t want that.\"\r\n\"Yes,\" said the man, \"that\'s what I want; I insist.\"\r\n\r\nSo, the doctor told him to check into the hospital. When he did he was stripped, laid on a cart, wheeled into the operating room, anaesthetized, and CHWOP! off they came. The next day, he woke up in a double room and, wanting to be socialable, asked the man in the next bed what he was in for.\r\n\r\n\"Oh, I was circumsized,\" the man said.\r\n\"Son of a bitch! That\'s the word I was looking for!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,154,1,1,3,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (618,5,'C&A','A guy walks up to his friend ans says \'\'why do you have \'R\' and \'L\' on your hands?\'\'\r\n\r\nHe replies \'\'So I know which is my left and which is my right\'\'\r\n\r\n\'Oh\'\' says the guy \'\'Now I know why my wife has C and A written on her panties!\'\'',NULL,0.00,NULL,198,1,1,3,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (619,5,'Chicken and Horse','A chicken and a horse were playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him to safety. The chicken runs to the farmer but the farmer cannot be found. So she drives the farmer\'s BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. She then throws the other end of the rope to her friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking. \r\n\r\nA few days later the chicken and the horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, \'No, I think I can stand over the hole\'. So he stretched his legs over the width of the hole and said, \'grab for my \'thingy\' and pull yourself up\'. So the chicken grabbed hold of the horse\'s \"thingy\" and pulled herself to safety.\r\n\r\nThe moral of the story:\r\nIf you\'re hung like a horse, you don\'t need a BMW to pick up chicks!',NULL,0.00,NULL,193,1,1,3,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (623,5,'Girl from Wenatch-Limmerick','There once was a girl from Wenatch,\r\nShe tried to get it on with a match,\r\nShe got so excited,\r\nThe damn thing ignited,\r\nAnd burned all the hair off her snatch!',NULL,0.00,NULL,196,1,1,3,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (629,5,'Lesbian at the gynecologist','A young lesbian goes to her gynecologist for her yearly pelvic examination. She puts on the paper gown and awaits him to come into the exam room. He instructs her to get up onto the table and place her feet in the stirrups. \r\n\r\nAs he is examining her she hears him saying \"mmmm... mmmhmmm\".\r\nHe completes the examination, instructs her to dress and then meet him in his office when she is done.\r\n\r\nIn his office she asks him if there was anything unusual that he observed during the exam because she could not help but hear his non-verbal comments.\r\n\r\n\"Oh, that\" he says.\" I was just admiring you. You have the cleanest vaginal area that I have ever seen in all my years of practice.\"\r\n\r\nThe young woman proudly smiled and replied, \"Why thank you! I have a woman come in twice a week and clean it!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,195,1,1,3,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (635,5,'No Arms and No Legs','There\'s a man in a wheelchair with no arms and no legs sitting by a lake. Several beautiful women are running laps around it and the man decides to use his disability to get affection from one of them. The next time one runs by him, the man calls to her: \r\n\r\n\"Excuse me Sweetheart, I have no arms and I have no legs. Will you hug me?\"\r\n\r\nShe looks around to make sure nobody\'s watching, leans down, and hugs him.\r\n\r\nThe man thinks, \"Wow, I can\'t believe that worked!\", and decides to try it again.\r\n\r\nAnother woman runs by him, and he calls out to her: \"Excuse me Darling, I have no arms and I have no legs. Will you kiss me?\"\r\n\r\nShe looks around to make sure nobody is watching, leans down and gives him a kiss.\r\n\r\nThe man is amazed at how well this is working out for him! \r\n\r\nThe next time a woman runs by, he calls out to her: \" Excuse me Beautiful, I have no arms and I have no legs. Will you f**k me?\"\r\n\r\nThe woman looks around to make sure nobody\'s watching her, leans down, picks the man up out of his chair, throws him in the lake and tells him:\r\n\r\n\"There... now you\'re f**ked!',NULL,0.00,NULL,217,1,1,3,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (637,5,'Ode To A Mammogram','For years \'n years they told me,\r\n\"Be careful of your breasts.\r\nDon\'t ever squeeze or bruise them,\r\nAnd give them monthly tests.\"\r\n\r\nSo I heeded all their warnings\r\nAnd protected them by law.\r\nGuarded them very carefully,\r\nAn always wore a bra.\r\n\r\nAfter thirty years of careful care,\r\nThe doctor found a lump,\r\nHe ordered up a Mammogram\r\nTo look inside that clump.\r\n\r\n\"Stand up very close,\" she said,\r\nAs she got my tit in line,\r\n\"And tell me when it hurts,\" she said,\r\n\"Ah, yes! There! That\'s just fine.\"\r\n\r\nShe stepped upon a pedal. . .\r\nI could not believe my eyes!\r\nA plastic plate was pressing down.\r\nMy boob was in a vise!!!\r\n\r\nMy skin was stretched \'n stretched\r\nFrom way up by my chin,\r\nAnd my poor tit was being squeezed\r\nTo Swedish pancake thin!!!\r\n\r\nExcruciating pain I felt,\r\nWithin its vise-like grip,\r\nA prisoner in this vicious thing,\r\nMy poor defenseless tit!!\r\n\r\n\"Take a deep breath\" she said to me\r\nWho does she think she\'s kidding?\r\nMy chest is smashed in her machine,\r\nI can\'t breathe and woozy I am getting.\r\n\r\n\"There, that was good,\" I heard her say\r\nAs the room was slowly swaying.\r\n\"Now let\'s get the other one.\"\r\n\"Lord, have mercy,\" I was praying.\r\n\r\nIt squeezed me from the up and down,\r\nIt squeezed me from both sides,\r\nI\'ll bet she\'s never had this done\r\nTo her tender little hide!\r\n\r\nIf I had no problem when I came in,\r\nI surely have one now. . .\r\nIf there had been a cyst in there,\r\nIt would have popped, Ker-pow!!\r\n\r\nThis machine was made by a man,\r\nOf this I have no doubt.\r\nI\'d like to get his balls in there,\r\nFor months, he\'d go \"without\"!!',NULL,0.00,NULL,160,1,1,3,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (644,5,'Scooby Doobie Boobies!','A flat-chested young lady goes to Dr. Smith for advice about breast enlargements.\r\n\r\nHe tells her, \"Every day when you get out of the shower, rub the top of your breasts and say, \'\"Scooby dooby doobies, I want bigger boobies.\'\" \r\n\r\nShe did this every day faithfully and after several months, it worked! She grew great boobs!\r\n\r\nOne morning she was running late and she was on the bus when she realized she had forgotten her morning ritual.\r\n\r\nAt this point she loved her new boobs and didn\'t want to lose them, so she got up right in the middle of the bus and said, \"Scooby dooby doobies, I want bigger boobies!\"\r\n\r\nA guy sitting nearby asked her, \"Do you go to Dr. Smith by any chance?\"\r\n\r\n\"Why, yes, I do. How did you know?\"\r\n\r\n\"Hickory dickory dock\"!',NULL,0.00,NULL,152,1,1,3,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (647,5,'Small...','True story:\r\n\r\nAbout a week ago, I broke my ankle (in three places) and was in the hospital for several days. My first night in the hospital, after having surgery to rejoin my bones with pins and plates and such, I was in a great deal of pain and quite immobile. My nurse for that first night was a very nice 50ish lady with a strong German accent.\r\n\r\nAt one point in the middle of the night, she came in to give me a shot of morphine. She asked where I would like the shot and I pointed to my right thigh. I slid my blankets down and she lifted my gown.\r\n\r\nWith my gown raised, she uttered the words, \"Okay, small prick,\" and proceeded with the injection.\r\n\r\nI\'m still not sure whether her words were meant to warn me of the upcoming pain or as an editorial comment.',NULL,0.00,NULL,184,1,1,3,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (649,5,'Tattoo On Her Butt','There once was a service man who toured the Middle East and married a beautiful little China doll.\r\n\r\nHe brought her back to the States and they were very happy.\r\n\r\nHe always enjoyed looking at her rear end and telling her what a beautiful butt she had. Every day it was, \"Darling I love you and what a beautiful butt you have.\" Every night it was, \"Darling I love you and what a beautiful butt you have.\"\r\n\r\nWell his birthday was getting close and she wanted to surprise him with a tattoo on her rear end that said, \"Beautiful Butt.\"\r\n\r\nSo she finds a reputable tattoo artist and explains what she wants. Well the artist asks her to turn around and after a brief pause says, \"There is no way I can get \"Beautiful Butt\" on your tiny little beautiful butt.\" But I can put a nice \"B\" on each cheek which will stand for \"Beautiful Butt.\"\r\n\r\nA bit disappointed, she agrees and leaves with her B\'s. \r\n\r\nWell the big day arrives and after a candle light dinner, gifts, and a sip of brandy, she appears in the bedroom in her birthday suit, turns around and bends over.\r\n\r\nQuickly sitting up he exclaims, \"Darling I love you, but who the hell is Bob?\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,171,1,1,3,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (653,5,'The boy on a nude beach','Two parents take their son on vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water. He comes running up to his mom and says, \"Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!\"\r\n\r\nThe mom says \"the bigger they are, the dumber they are.\" So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says, \"Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy\'s!\"\r\n\r\nMom says, \"the bigger they are, the dumber they are.\" So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says, \"Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,182,1,1,3,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (659,5,'The undressing newlyweds','Two newlyweds went on their honeymoon and were getting undressed together for the first time. He took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discolored.\r\n\r\n\"What happened to you feet?\" his wife asked.\r\n\"I had a childhood disease called tolio.\"\r\n\r\n\"Don\'t you mean polio?\"\r\n\"No, tolio, it only affects the toes.\"\r\n\r\nHe then removed his pants and revealed an awful looking pair of knees. \r\n\r\n\"What happened to your knees?\" she asked.\r\n\"Well, I also had kneesles.\"\r\n\r\n\"Don\'t you mean measles?\"\r\n\"No, kneesles, it only affects the knees.\"\r\n\r\nWhen he removed his shorts his wife gasped and said...\r\n\"Don\'t tell me, you also had smallcox!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,190,1,1,3,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (664,5,'We\'re Rangers!','True story:\r\nA friend\'s mom was driving in Canada. She was going through a park area. She sped up. Suddenly, she was pulled over by a park ranger. She decided to see if she could be cute and get herself out of a speeding ticket. When the officer apporached her car, she asked innocently,\r\n\"Gee, officer, did you pull me over to give me a ticket to the police men\'s ball?\" \r\n\r\nTo that, he replied, \"No ma\'am. We\'re Rangers!\r\nWe don\'t have any balls!\" He continued to write down some information.\r\n\r\nIt was all she could do to keep from bursting out laughing!\r\nAfter about a half a minute, the ranger realised what he had said. He turned red, muttered, \"Never mind,\" walked to his car, got in, and drove off.\r\nNeedless to say, it took her a few minutes to regain her countenance before she could beging driving again.',NULL,0.00,NULL,168,1,1,3,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (665,5,'Will you marry me?','There is this guy who has a 25 inch dick. He goes to a witch in the woods and asks her if she can make his dick smaller because he just can\'t please the ladies because it is just too big, he hasn\'t found a lady yet who likes it and he can\'t get any pleasure.\r\n\r\nShe tells him to go into the woods and he will find a frog. When he finds the frog, he is to ask it to marry him. If the frog says no, his cock will shrink 5 inches.\r\n\r\nHe goes into the woods and finds this frog. He asks \"frog, will you marry me?\"\r\nThe frog says \"no\" And his prick shrinks five inches. The guys thinks to himself, \"Wow, that was pretty cool. But, it\'s still too big.\" So he goes back to the frog and again asks the frog: \"Frog, will you marry me?\" Frog: \"No, I won\'t marry you.\"\r\n\r\nThe guys dick shrinks another five inches. But that\'s still 15 inches and he thinks his chop is still just a little bit too big. But he thinks that 10 inches would be just great. He goes back to the frog and asks: \"Frog, will you marry me?\"\r\n\r\nFrog: How many times do I have to tell you NO, NO, NO!!!',NULL,0.00,NULL,182,1,1,3,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (667,5,'A little corporate humor','I took some friends out to dinner last week, and I noticed a spoon in the shirt pocket of our waiter as he handed us the menus. It seemed a little odd, but I dismissed it as a random thing. Until our busboy came with water & tableware; he too, sported a spoon in his breast pocket. I looked around the room, and all the waiters, waitresses, busboys, etc. had spoons in their pockets.\r\n\r\nWhen our waiter returned to take our order, I just had to ask, \"Why the spoons?\"\r\n\r\n\"Well,\" he explained, \"our parent company recently hired some Andersen\r\nConsulting efficiency experts to review all our procedures, and after\r\nmonths of statistical analyses, they concluded that our patrons drop\r\nspoons on the floor 73% more often than any other utensil; at a frequency of 3 spoons per hour per workstation. By preparing all our workers for this contingency in advance, we can cut our trips to the kitchen down and save time...nearly 1.5 extra man-hours per shift. \r\nJust as he concluded, a \"ch-ching\" came from the table behind him, and he quickly replaced a fallen spoon with the one from his pocket.\r\n\"I\'ll grab another spoon the next time I\'m in the kitchen instead of\r\nmaking a special trip,\" he proudly explained.\r\nI was impressed. \"Thanks. I had to ask.\"\r\n\"No problem,\" he answered, then he continued to take our orders.\r\n\r\nAs the members of my dinner party took their turns, my eyes darted\r\nback & forth from each person ordering and my menu. That\'s when, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a thin, black thread protruding from our waiter\'s fly. Again, I dismissed it; yet I had to scan the room and, sure enough, there were other waiters & busboys with strings hanging out of their trousers.\r\nMy curiosity overrode discretion at this point, so before he could leave I had to ask. \"Excuse me, but...uh...why, or what...about that string?\"\r\n\"Oh, yeah\" he began in a quieter tone. \"Not many people are that observant. That same efficiency group found we could save time in the Men\'s room, too.\" \"How\'s that, I asked?\"\r\n\"You see, by tying a string to the end of our, eh. . ., selves, we can\r\npull it out at the urinals literally hands-free and thereby eliminate\r\nthe need to wash our hands, cutting time spent in the restroom by over\r\n93%!\" \"Oh, that makes sense,\" I said, but then thinking through the\r\nprocess, I asked, \"Hey, wait a minute. If the string helps you pull it out, how do you get it back in?\"\r\n\r\n\"Well,\" he whispered, \"I don\'t know about the other guys; but I use\r\nthe spoon in my pocket\"!',NULL,3.00,2,759,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (669,5,'Height Problems','A lady had a height problem - she was TOO tall, being excatly 2 meters tall. She hated the way she had to duck to walk through a doorway, the way she felt so uncomfortable in a car... So she visited an expert. The expert said:\r\n\r\n\"Go visit the Dwarven Town. It\'s full of dwarfs. Find any dwarf, and ask him if he\'ll marry you. Every time a dwarf says \'no,\' you grow 10 cm shorter!\"\r\n\r\nThe lady did as she was told. She went to the Dwarven Town, and found a dwarf, and asked if he would marry her. He refused. She found herself 10 cm shorter. She quickly repeated this act another time on another dwarf. Now 180 cm tall, she decided to ask one more dwarf then go home. She boldly walked up to a dwarf and asked if he would marry her. The dwarf replied:\r\n\r\n\"No, no, no, no, no...! I don\'t want to marry a tall person like you!\r\nYou\'re too tall! No, no, no, no, no!\"',NULL,1.00,1,682,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (672,5,'Lost Fingers','A man working at a lumberyard is pushing a tree through a saw when he accidentally shears off all then of his fingers. He rushes to the emergency romm of a nearby hospital where the awaiting doctor takes a look and says, \"Yuck! Well, give me the fingers and I\'ll see what I can do.\"\r\n\r\n\"I haven\'t got the fingers.\"\r\nThe doctor says, \"What do you mean, you haven\'t got the fingers? This is the age of medical advances. We\'ve got microsurgery and all sorts of incredible techniques! Why didn\'t you bring me the fingers?\"\r\n\r\n\"Well, heck, doctor. I tried, but I couldn\'t pick \'em up!\"',NULL,0.33,3,2385,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (673,5,'New Suit','The widow takes a look at her dear departed one right before the funeral and, to her horror, finds that he\'s in his brown suit. She\'d specifically said to the undertaker that she wanted him buried in his blue suit; she\'d brought it especially for that occasion, and she was distressed that the mortician had left him in the same brown suit he\'d been wearing when the lightning bolt hit him.\r\n\r\nShe demanded that the corpse be changed into the blue suit she\'d brought especially for that purpose.\r\n\r\nThe undertaker said, \"But madam! It\'s only a minute or two until the funeral is scheduled to begin! We can\'t possibly take him out and get him changed in that amount of time.\"\r\n\r\nThe lady said, \"Who\'s paying for this?\"\r\n\r\nSeeing the logic to this argument, a very reluctant mortician wheeled the coffin out, but then wheeled it right back in a moment later. Miraculously, the corpse was in a blue suit.\r\n\r\nAfter the ceremony, a well-satisfied widow complimented the undertaker on the smooth and speedy service. She especially wanted to know how he\'d been able to get her husband into a blue suit so fast.\r\n\r\nThe funeral director said, \"Oh, it was easy. It happens that there was another body in the back room and he was already dressed in a blue suit. All we had to do was switch heads!\"',NULL,3.00,NULL,241,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (674,5,'OUCH!','Knock Knock\r\nWho\'s there?\r\nMadam\r\nMadam who?\r\nMADAM FOOTS STUCK IN THE DOOR!',NULL,0.00,NULL,152,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (675,5,'Pirate and Lost Body Parts','A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, an hook, and an eye patch. \r\n\r\nThe seaman asks, \"So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?\"\r\n\r\nThe pirate replies \"We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept over board into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off.\"\r\n\r\n\"Wow!\" said the seaman. \"What about your hook\"?\r\n\r\n\"Well...\", replied the pirate, \"We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords when one of the enemy cut my hand off.\"\r\n\r\n\"Incredible!\" remarked the seaman. \"How did you get the eye patch\"?\r\n\r\n\"A seagull dropping fell into my eye.\", replied the pirate.\r\n\r\n\"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?\" the sailor asked increduously.\r\n\r\n\"Well...\", said the pirate, \"..it was also my first day with the hook.\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,148,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (676,5,'Preparing for a Mammogram','The Mammogram\r\n\r\nThis is an x-ray that has its own name because no one wants to actually say the word breast. Mammograms require your breasts to do gymnastics. If you have extremely agile breasts, you should do fine. Most breasts however, pretty much hang around doing nothing in particular so they are woefully unprepared. But you can prepare for a mammogram right at home using these simple exercises:\r\n\r\n1. Refrigerate two bookends overnight. Lay one of your breasts (either will do) beetween the two bookends and smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Repeat three times daily.\r\n\r\n2. Locate a pasta maker or old wringer washer. Feed the breast into the machine and start cranking. Repeat twice daily.\r\n\r\n3. (Advanced) Situate yourself comfortably on your side on the garage floor. Place one of your breasts snugly behind the rear tire of the family van. When you give the signal, hubby will slowly ease the car into reverse. Hold for five seconds. Repeat on the other side.',NULL,4.00,NULL,1248,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (677,5,'Riddle me this!','Take the test...NO CHEATING!\r\n\r\nWhat does:\r\nA woman do sitting down?\r\nA man do standing up?\r\nA dog do on three legs?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\nGot your guess ready yet?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\nGET YOUR MIND OUR OF THE GUTTER!\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\nThey shake hands!',NULL,0.00,NULL,147,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (678,5,'Smarter','This is not only philosophical but is obviously pure science.\r\n\r\nA herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.\r\n\r\nThis natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular culling of the weakest members. \r\n\r\nIn much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.\r\n\r\nIn this way regular consumption of beer eliminates the\r\nweaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. So that\'s why you always feel smarter after a few beers.',NULL,0.00,NULL,162,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (679,5,'The snoring stopper!','A man has a dog that snores in his sleep. Annoyed, because she can\'t sleep, his wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog\'s testicles and he will stop snoring.\r\n\r\nA few hours after going to bed, the dog is snoring as usual. Finally, unable to sleep, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of ribbon and ties it around the dog\'s testicles, and sure enough, the dog stops snoring. The woman is amazed!\r\n\r\nLater that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep, and begins snoring very loudly. The woman thinks maybe the ribbon will work on him. So she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of ribbon, and ties it around her husband\'s testicles. Amazingly, it also works on him!\r\n\r\nThe woman sleeps very soundly.\r\nThe next morning, the husband wakes up very hung over.\r\nHe tumbles into the bathroom to urinate. As he is standing in front of the toilet, he looks in the mirror and sees a blue ribbon attached to his privates.\r\n\r\nHe is very confused, and, as he walks back into the bedroom, he notices a red ribbon attached to his dog\'s testicles.\r\n\r\nHe shakes his head, looks down at the dog and says:\r\n\"Boy, don\'t remember where we were or what we did, but, by God, we got first and second place!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,155,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (682,5,'The Poo List!','The Ghost Poo:\r\nThe kind where you feel poo come out, see poo on the toilet paper, but there\'s no poo in the bowl. \r\n\r\nThe Clean poo -\r\nThe kind where you feel poo come out, see poo in the bowl, but theres no poo on the toilet paper.\r\n\r\nThe Wet Poo-\r\nYou wipe your butt fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you don\'t ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.\r\n\r\nThe Wet Cheeks Poo-\r\nThat\'s the kind that comes out of your butt so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water, or splash-back. \r\n\r\nThe Second Wave Poo-\r\nThis poo happens when you think you\'ve finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to poo some more.\r\n\r\nThe Brain Haemorrhage-through-your-nose Poo-\r\nYou have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.\r\n\r\nThe Lincoln Log Log-\r\nThe kind of poo that\'s so enormous you\'re afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush. \r\n\r\nThe Power Dump Poo-\r\nThe kind that comes out so fast, you\'ve barely got your pants down and you\'re done. \r\n\r\nThe Liquid Plumber Poo-\r\nThis kind of poo is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows all over the floor. You should have followed the advice from the Lincoln Log Poo.\r\n\r\nThe Spinal Tap Poo-\r\nThe kind of poo that hurts so much coming out, you\'d swear it\'s got to be coming out sideways.\r\n\r\nThe \'I-think-I\'m-turning-into-a-bunny\' Poo-\r\nWhen you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles and make tiny splishy sounds when they hit the water.\r\n\r\nThe \'What-the-hell-died-in-here\' Poo-\r\nAlso sometimes referred to as The Toxic Dump. Of course you don\'t warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odour. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out a-gagging and a-gasping for air.\r\n\r\nThe \'I-just-know-there\'s-a-turd-still-dangling-there\' Poo-\r\nWhere you just sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on to drop.',NULL,0.00,NULL,161,1,1,2,'4',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (685,6,'Technological Doctor','One day, a man complained to his friend, \"My elbow really hurts, guess I should see a doctor.\"\r<BR>\r<BR>His friend said, \"Don\'t do that. There\'s a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. And it only costs $10.00.\"\r<BR>\r<BR>The guy figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The computer started making some noise andvarious lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read:\r<BR>You have tennis elbow.\r<BR>Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor.\r<BR>It will be better in two weeks.\r<BR>\r<BR>That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled.\r<BR>\r<BR>He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in thisample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises,flashedlights, and printed out the following analysis:\r<BR>Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.\r<BR>Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.\r<BR>Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. \r<BR>Your wife is pregnant....twin girls. They aren\'t yours. Get a lawyer.\r<BR>\r<BR>And.... if you don\'t stop jerking off, your elbow will never get better!',NULL,2.00,5,2563,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (686,6,'New Computer Virus','Did you hear about the new computer virus?\r<BR>It\'s called the \"Lorena Bobbit Virus\".\r<BR>Apparently, it turns your hard drive into a 3 1/2 inch floppy!',NULL,3.00,2,820,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (688,6,'Guide to Safe Fax','Q: DO I HAVE TO BE MARRIED TO HAVE SAFE FAX?\r<BR>A: Although married people fax quite often, there are many single people who fax complete strangers every day.\r<BR>\r<BR>Q: MY PARENTS SAY THEY NEVER HAD FAX WHEN THEY WERE YOUNG AND WERE ONLY ALLOWED TO WRITE MEMOS TO EACH OTHER UNTIL THEY WERE TWENTYONE. HOW OLD DO YOU THINK SOMEONE SHOULD BE BEFORE THEY CAN FAX?\r<BR>A: Faxing can be performed at any age, once you learn the correct procedure.\r<BR>\r<BR>Q: IF I FAX MYSELF, WILL I GO BLIND?\r<BR>A: Certainly not, as far as we can see.\r<BR>\r<BR>Q: THERE IS A PLACE ON OUR STREET WHERE YOU CAN GO AND PAY FOR FAX. IS THIS LEGAL?\r<BR>A: Yes. many people have no other outlet for their fax drives and Must pay a \"professional\" when their needs to fax become too great.\r<BR>\r<BR>Q: SHOULD A COVER ALWAYS BE USED FOR FAXING?\r<BR>A: Unless you are really sure of the one you\'re faxing, a cover sheet should be used to insure safe fax.\r<BR>\r<BR>Q: WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I INCORRECTLY DO THE PROCEDURE AND I FAX PREMATURELY?\r<BR>A: Don\'t panic. Many people prematurely fax when they haven\'t faxed in a long time. Just start Over; Most people won\'t mind if you try again. \r<BR>\r<BR>Q: I HAVE A PERSONAL AND BUSINESS FAX. CAN TRANSMISSIONS BECOME MIXED UP?\r<BR>A: Being bi-faxual can be confusing, but as long as you use a cover with each one, you won\'t transmit anything You\'re not supposed to.',NULL,3.33,3,511,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (692,6,'Computers - Male or Female','Humankind\'s propensity for imposing anthropomorphic characteristics on inanimate objects has now reached computers. But, which gender should your PC be?\r<BR><BR>\r<BR><BR>Here are the top ten reasons why they have to be male.\r<BR><BR>\r<BR><BR>They have a lot of data, but they\'re still clueless.\r<BR><BR>A better model is just around the corner.\r<BR><BR>They look nice and shiny until you get them home.\r<BR><BR>It\'s always essential to have a backup.\r<BR><BR>They\'ll do whatever you want if you push the right buttons.\r<BR><BR>The best part of having one is the games you can play.\r<BR><BR>In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.\r<BR><BR>The lights are on but nobody\'s home.\r<BR><BR>Big power surges knock them out at night.\r<BR><BR>Size does matter.\r<BR><BR>\r<BR><BR>But then again, here are the top ten reasons why they are obviously female.\r<BR><BR>\r<BR><BR>They\'re oh so picky, picky, picky.\r<BR><BR>They hear what you say, but not what you mean.\r<BR><BR>Beauty is only shell deep.\r<BR><BR>When you ask them what\'s wrong, they always say \'nothing\'.\r<BR><BR>They can produce incorrect results with alarming speed. \r<BR><BR>They are always turning simple statements into big productions.\r<BR><BR>Small talk is important.\r<BR><BR>You do the same thing for years, and suddenly it\'s wrong.\r<BR><BR>They make you take the garbage out.\r<BR><BR>Miss a period and they go wild.',NULL,3.00,2,628,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (693,6,'3 times a virgin.','A woman had been married three times and was still a virgin. Somebody asked her how that could be possible.\r<BR>\r<BR>\"Well,\" she said. \"The first time I married an octogenarian and he died before we could consummate the marriage.\"\r<BR>\r<BR>\"The second time I married a naval officer and war broke out on our wedding day.\"\r<BR>\r<BR>\"The third time I married a Microsoft Windows programmer and he just sat on the edge of the bed and kept telling me how good it was going to be.\"',NULL,0.33,3,583,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (784,8,'Love the Dentist Quote','I love to go to the dentist. A man in white hovering over me while I\'m trapped helpless in a chair.\r<BR>\nHe cleans me.\r<BR>\nHe flosses me.\r<BR>\nHis instruments alive in my mouth.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nAnd just when I don\'t think I can take it anymore, he says, \'Good girl, Marcie, you can spit now.\'\r<BR>\n- Marcie, from the \"Married With Children\" sitcom.',NULL,0.25,4,1013,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (786,8,'Minding his manners','A man walked into a crowded doctor\'s office.\r<BR>\nAs he approached the desk, the receptionist asked, \"Yes sir, may we help you?\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"There\'s something wrong with my dick,\" he replied.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe receptionist became aggravated and said, \"You shouldn\'t come into a crowded office and say things like that.\"\r<BR>\n\"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you,\" he said.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"We do not use language like that here,\" she said. \"Please go outside and come back in and say that there\'s something wrong with your \'ear\' or whatever.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe man walked out, waited several minutes and reentered.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe receptionist smiled smugly and asked, \"Yes?\"\r<BR>\n\"There\'s something wrong with my \'ear\',\" he stated.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe receptionist nodded approvingly, \"And what is wrong with your ear, sir?\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"I can\'t piss out of it,\" the man replied!',NULL,5.00,2,1244,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (798,8,'Perfect Girlfriend','I recently attended a meeting of the International Singles Club here in Silicon Valley. I met a Chinese woman who was a dentist.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nShe had perfect teeth, which started me thinking: All dentists from all cultures apparently have perfect teeth.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nSo, I am looking for a gynecologist for my next girlfriend!',NULL,0.00,NULL,516,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (800,8,'Restoring her youth!','After her fifth child, Lucy decided that she should have some cosmetic surgery \"down below\" to restore herself to her former youthful glory.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nTime and childbirth had taken its toll and she reckoned that, with five children now being the limit, she\'d tidy things with a nip here and a tuck there.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nFollowing the operation she awoke from her anaesthetic to find three roses at the end of the bed.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWho are these from ?\" she asked the nurse, \"They\'re very nice but I\'m a bit confused as to why I\'ve received them.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"Well\" said the nurse, \"The first is from the surgeon - the operation went so well and you were such a model patient that he wanted to say thanks.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"Ahhh, thats really nice\" said Lucy.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"The second is from your husband - he\'s delighted the operation was such a success that he can\'t wait to get you home. Apparently it\'ll be the first time he\'s touched the sides for years and he\'s very excited!\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"Brilliant!\" said Lucy. \"And the third?\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"Thats from Eric in the burns unit\" said the nurse.\r<BR>\n\"He just wanted to say thanks for his new ears!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,428,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (803,8,'Surgical Error','A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nShortly after he recovers from his an anesthetic, his surgeon comes in and tells him: \"Well, I\'ve got good news and I\'ve got bad news for you.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"Give me the bad news first, Doc.\" says the patient.\r<BR>\n\"I\'m afraid that we accidentally cut your balls off during surgery, son.\"\r<BR>\n\"Oh my god!\" the patient cries, breaking into tears.\r<BR>\n\"But the good news,\" the doctor adds, \"is that we had them biopsied and you\'ll be relieved to know that they weren\'t malignant!\"',NULL,1.00,2,470,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (881,10,'Halloween funnies for kids!','Q. Why don\'t witches like to ride their brooms when they\'re angry?\r\nA. They\'re afraid of flying off the handle!\r\n\r\nQ. Where do baby ghosts go during the day?\r\nA. Dayscare centers.\r\n\r\nQ. Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?\r\nA. His ghoul friend.\r\n\r\nQ. What do ghosts serve for dessert?\r\nA. I Scream.\r\n\r\nQ. What do witches put on their hair?\r\nA. Scare spray.\r\n\r\nQ. What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?\r\nA. Bamboo.\r\n\r\nQ. What kind of mistakes do spooks make?\r\nA. Boo boos.\r\n\r\nQ. Why couldn\'t Dracula\'s wife get to sleep?\r\nA. Because of his coffin.\r\n\r\nQ. Why do mummies make excellent spies?\r\nA. They\'re good at keeping things under wraps.\r\n\r\nQ. Why wasn\'t there any food left after the monster party?\r\nA. Because everyone was a goblin!\r\n\r\nQ. How did the ghost patch his sheet?\r\nA. With a pumpkin patch.\r\n\r\nQ. What is as sharp as a vampires fang?\r\nA. His other fang.',NULL,0.00,NULL,140,1,1,1,'3',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (882,10,'Pierced ears for pirates','How much do pirates pay to get their ears pierced?\r\n\r\nA Buccaneer!',NULL,0.00,NULL,186,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (885,10,'Why did the...','Q. Why did the male sheep fall off the cliff?\r\n\r\nA. He didn\'t see the Ewe turn!',NULL,0.00,NULL,191,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (887,10,'Will you rember me??','Hey bob,\"Will you rember me tomorrow??\"\r\n\"Yes\"\r\n\"Will you rember me next week??\"\r\n\"Yes\"\r\n\"Will you rember me next month??\"\r\n\"Yes\"\r\n\"Will yoiu rember me next year??\"\r\n\"Yeah\"\r\n\"Knock Knock\"\r\n\"Whos There??\"\r\n\"See, you forgot me already!!!!!!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,174,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (889,10,'Yogi Bear','Q.Why is there only one Yogi Bear?\r\n\r\nA. Because when they tried to make another one, they made a Boo-Boo.',NULL,0.00,NULL,195,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (890,10,'Knock-Knocks 4 Kids Galore','Knock! Knock!\r\nWho\'s there?\r\nRita.\r\nRita who?\r\nRita book, you might learn something.\r\n\r\nKnock! Knock!\r\nWho\'s there?\r\nPolice.\r\nPolice who?\r\nPolice open the door, I\'m tired of knocking.\r\n\r\nKnock! Knock!\r\nWho\'s there?\r\nHenrietta.\r\nHenrietta who?\r\nHenrietta worm that was in his apple.\r\n\r\nKnock! Knock!\r\nWho\'s there?\r\nCarrie.\r\nCarrie who?\r\nCarrie on with what you\'re doing, I\'m at the wrong door.\r\n\r\nKnock! Knock!\r\nWho\'s there?\r\nAnita.\r\nAnita who?\r\nAnita drink of water.\r\n\r\nKnock! Knock!\r\nWho\'s ther?\r\nDwain.\r\nDwain who?\r\nDwain the bathtub, I\'m dwrowning.',NULL,0.00,NULL,134,1,1,1,'3',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (891,10,'Throw Up!','Knock Knock.\r\nWho\'s there?\r\n\r\nStan\r\nStan who?\r\n\r\nStan back or I\'ll be sick on your shoe!!!!',NULL,0.00,NULL,187,1,1,1,'1',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (892,10,'The lady and her house','A lady went to bed and turned out all the lights. Later she awoke and heard a crash, instantly she died of shock. What kind of house did she live in?\r\n\r\nA LIGHTHOUSE!!!',NULL,0.00,NULL,170,1,1,1,'1',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (893,10,'The Boy Who Thinks He\'s A Chicken','Girl to Doctor: Doctor, Help! My brother thinks he\'s a chicken!\r\nDoctor: How long has this been going on?\r\n\r\nGirl: About a year.\r\nDoctor: Wow! Why didn\'t you tell me sooner?\r\n\r\nGirl: Because we needed the eggs!',NULL,0.00,NULL,156,1,1,1,'1',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (894,10,'Orange and Banana','Knock Knock!\r\nWho\'s there?\r\nBanana!\r\nBanana who?\r\n\r\nKnock Knock!\r\nWho\'s there?\r\nBanana!\r\nBanana who?\r\n\r\nKnock Knock!\r\nWho\'s there?\r\nBanana!\r\nBanana who?\r\n\r\nKnock Knock!\r\nWho\'s there?\r\nOrange!\r\nOrange who?\r\n\r\nOrange you glad I didn\'t say Banana!',NULL,0.00,NULL,178,1,1,1,'1',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (895,10,'My Granny\'s Better!','Boy #1: Hey! Didja know that my grandfather was once face-to-face with a panther?\r\n\r\nBoy #2: That\'s nothing! My granny was once face-to-face with a lion! It was drooling...coming closer...closer...\r\n\r\nBoy #1: Gosh! What\'d she do?\r\n\r\nBoy #2: She moved away from the cage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!',NULL,0.00,NULL,161,1,1,1,'1',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (897,10,'I\'m A Chicken','Psychiatrist: What is your problem?\r\nPatient: I think I\'m a chicken.\r\n\r\nPsychiatrist: How long has this been going on?\r\nPatient: Ever since I was an egg!',NULL,0.00,NULL,160,1,1,1,'1',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (898,10,'Give the frog a loan','A frog walks into a bank and says \"I wanna loan.\" \r\n\r\n\"Well Mr.. frog, go over there to Mrs. Black\'s desk, she is the loan manager, I\'m sure she will be happy to talk to you,\" The head desk says. \r\n\r\nThe frog hops over to Mrs. Patty Black\'s desk and says, \"I wanna loan.\" \r\n\r\nMrs. Black says, \"Well Mr. Frog, we will have to get some paperwork for you to sign, so if you will wait right here...\" At this point the frog pulls out of his knapsack a golden disk and hands it over to her. \r\n\r\nShe asks, confused, \"What is this?\" \r\n\r\nThe frog croaks back, \"I wanna loan.\" She rubs her head, and walks back to her boss and says, \"I don\'t get it, a frog hops in here wanting a loan, and gives me this golden disk. Do you know what it is?\" \r\n\r\nThe boss laughs and says, \"It\'s a knick-knack Patty Black, give the frog a loan!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,161,1,1,1,'1',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (899,10,'Be A Smoker!','Good News To All Smokers\r\n\r\nThe International Tabacco Syndicate, on its Golden Anniversary, wishes to invite Smokers of all ages to join in its biggest Anniversary Sweepstakes Draw, where every smoker is a sure winner!\r\nAll smokers have the chance of winning the following major prizes.\r\n\r\nGrand Prizes: A Brand New Cancer, Bronchial Infection, Goiter, Sinusitis, Migraine, Cerebral Tumor, Paralysis, Hypertension, and Asthma\r\n\r\nSecond Prizes: Special Hepatitis, Meningitis, Bronchitis\r\n\r\nThird Prizes: Colored TB, Emphysema, Arteriosclerosis, Gingivitis, Rheumatism, Heart Disease, and Lung Cancer.\r\n\r\nYou can also have a chance to win consolation prizes such as:\r\nTartar Deposits, Bad Breath, Stained Teeth, Appetite Loss, and Swelled Gums.\r\n\r\nJoin now!!! Remember that the more sticks you puff, the more chances of easy winning. Fabulous prizes await you!!! You can also be a lucky winner! Please claim your prizes at the nearest funeral parlor.\r\n\r\nThis promo is a limited offer...\r\nSee your X-Ray result for more details!!!',NULL,0.00,NULL,149,1,1,1,'1',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (900,10,'Bad boy','One day there was a boy at school and his teacher told him to get 4 spelling words. \r\n\r\n1st he went to his Brother and asked \"Could you give me a spelling word?\" His Brother answered \"ShutUp\" So he wrote down Shutup. \r\n\r\n2nd he went to his Mother and asked her. She answered \"Certainly\" He wrote down certinly. \r\n\r\n3rd he wen to his Dad and asked for somthing sweet. His dad answered Lolipop so he wrote down Lolipop. \r\n\r\n4th he went to his little brother and asked the question. He answered \"In my Little Blue Car\" \r\n\r\nThe next day he went to school and his teacher asked for the words. He said his 1st word Shutup. Then she asked \"Do you want to go to the principles office?\" He said is second word \"Certainly\". In the principals office the principal asked what do you think you deserve, the boy answered \"Lolipop!!\" Then the principal asked \"What do you think your punishment should be?\" The boy answered \"To go in my Little Blue Car!!!!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,152,1,1,1,'1',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (901,10,'Anna\'s mom....','Anna\'s mother has 3 kids... the youngest daughter\'s name is Penny... the middle daughter\'s name is Nickel....... What is the oldest daughter\'s name?\r\n\r\nYou think you know it???\r\n\r\nAww.. a smart one you are! You were probably thinking her name was Dime.... but if you were really smart you would know that the oldest daughters name is Anna!!!',NULL,0.00,NULL,183,1,1,1,'1',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (902,10,'ABCP','On day there was a boy at school. He needed to go to the toilet. The teacher said \"Say your ABCs first\" \r\n\r\nThe boy started saying \"A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z\"\r\n\r\nThe teacher asked at the end \"Where is your P?\"\r\nThe boy answered \"Running down my pants!!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,175,1,1,1,'1',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (903,10,'ABC\'s','Student: Can I use the bathroom?\r\nTeacher: Okay but first say your ABC\'s.\r\n\r\nStudents: ABCDEFGHIJKLMNO QRSTUVWXYZ\r\n\r\nTeacher: Where\'s the P?\r\nStudent: Its running down my leg!',NULL,0.00,NULL,174,1,1,1,'1',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (905,10,'A Shorty','Q. What is Black and White and Red all over?\r\n\r\nA. A Newspaper',NULL,0.00,NULL,174,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (911,10,'Black Peas???','How did Black eye peas get their name?\r\n\r\nThey were fighting over the Chick peas!',NULL,0.00,NULL,172,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (912,10,'Blue Elephants','1. How do you kill a blue elephant?\r\nWith a blue elephant gun.\r\n\r\n2. How do you kill a pink elephant?\r\nTwist his nose until he turns blue and then use the blue elephant gun.',NULL,0.00,NULL,176,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (913,10,'Bottom Start','Dad: The only way to acquire a new skill is to start at the bottom.\r\n\r\nSon: But I want to learn to swim?',NULL,0.00,NULL,178,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (914,10,'Cannibal and Clown','Q: What did one cannibal say to the other cannibal while eating the clown?\r\n\r\nA: \"Does this taste funny to you?\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,191,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (918,10,'Chickens','Two chickens were talking and one chicken said to a the other chicken \"who is your favorite music composer?\"\r\n\r\nThe second chicken responds \"bach, bach, bach!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,189,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (920,10,'Clueless','Knock Knock\r\nWho\'s there?\r\nIda\r\nIda who?\r\nIda know.',NULL,0.00,NULL,181,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (923,10,'Cows Earthquake','Q. What do you get when a cow gets stuck in an Earth quake? \r\nA. A milk shake! ',NULL,0.00,NULL,176,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (924,10,'Crackers','Q:What do you get when a duck and a cow cross the road?\r\nA:Milk and Quackers',NULL,0.00,NULL,195,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (927,10,'Cry Baby','Knock Knock...\r\nWho\'s There?\r\nBoo...\r\nBoo Who?\r\nStop crying it\'s just a joke!',NULL,0.00,NULL,202,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (928,10,'Daffynition','Daffynition: Hummingbird- A bird who forgot the lines to a song!',NULL,0.00,NULL,178,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (930,10,'Driving In Fog Riddle','Q: When driving through fog what should you use?\r\n\r\nA: Your car!',NULL,0.00,NULL,156,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (931,10,'Dwayne','Knock Knock!\r\nWho\'s There?\r\nDwayne.\r\nDwayne Who?\r\nDwayne The Bathtub and I\'m Dwowning!',NULL,0.00,NULL,191,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (935,10,'Fish','Q: Why are fish in the sea smarter than animals on land.\r\n\r\nA: Because they travel in schools.',NULL,0.00,NULL,175,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (936,10,'Fishy Talk','Q: How to communicate with a fish? \r\nA: Drop him a line!',NULL,0.00,NULL,190,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (937,10,'Flea Cure','Doctor, Doctor. Have you got anything that will cure fleas?\r\n\r\nMaybe, what made them sick?',NULL,0.00,NULL,185,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (938,10,'Football try-outs','Q: Why didn\'t the monster make the football team?\r\nA: Because he threw like a ghoul!',NULL,0.00,NULL,173,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (943,10,'Heads and Tails','How is a dog\'s tail like the center of a tree?\r\n\r\nIt\'s furthest from the bark!',NULL,0.00,NULL,165,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (944,10,'How do guys in jail.....','How do prisoners in jail talk to each other?\r\n\r\nWith their cell phones!',NULL,0.00,NULL,151,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (945,10,'How do you make a tissue dance?','How do you make a tissue dance?\r\n\r\nPut a little boogie in it.',NULL,0.00,NULL,164,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (946,10,'How many seconds are in a year?','How many seconds are in a year? Answer: There are 12 seconds in a year. January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd...',NULL,0.00,NULL,147,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (947,10,'I\'m a Dustbin','Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking I\'m a dustbin.\r\nPsychiatrist: Don\'t talk such rubbish!',NULL,0.00,NULL,161,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (948,10,'I\'m Hungry','Q: Where does your nose go, when it gets hungry?\r\n\r\nA: Booger King!!!',NULL,0.00,NULL,186,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (949,10,'If a frog parks','Q. What happens when a forg parks illegaly?\r\n\r\nA. It gets toad!',NULL,0.00,NULL,165,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (950,10,'Jellybean','Why did the jellybean jump off the cliff ?\r\n\r\nBecause he wanted to be a smarty!',NULL,0.00,NULL,173,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (951,10,'Knock Knock Biggish','Knock Knock\r\nWho\'s there?\r\n\r\nBiggish\r\n\r\nBiggish who?\r\n\r\nNo Thank you! \r\n',NULL,0.00,NULL,200,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (952,10,'Knock Knock Ketchup','Knock Knock\r\nWho\'s there?\r\nKetchup\r\nKetchup who?\r\nCatch up with me and I\'ll tell you!',NULL,0.00,NULL,167,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (953,10,'Knock Knock Wannup','Knock Knock \r\nWho\'s there? \r\nI wannup \r\nI wannup who? \r\nYou do! I didn\'t need to know that!',NULL,0.00,NULL,172,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (954,10,'Knock knock... Luke','Knock Knock\r\nWhos there?\r\nLuke\r\nLuke who?\r\nLook through the keyhole and you will find out!',NULL,0.00,NULL,182,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (955,10,'Knock, Knock','Knock, Knock.\r\nWho\'s there?\r\nDwayne.\r\nDwayne who?\r\nDWAYNE THE TUB! I\'M DWOWNING!',NULL,0.00,NULL,177,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (956,10,'Mayonaise','Q: What did the mayonsaise say to the refrigetrator?\r\nA: Shut the door, I\'m dressing!',NULL,0.00,NULL,160,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (958,10,'Milk Truck','Q: What gives milk and has one horn?\r\n\r\nA: A milk truck!',NULL,0.00,NULL,190,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (959,10,'Mr. Clean','Did you here Mr. Clean is in the hospital?\r\nHe has ammonia.',NULL,0.00,NULL,175,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (960,10,'Mr. Owls','Knock knock.\r\n\r\n- Who\'s there?\r\n\r\nOwls.\r\n\r\n- Owls who?\r\n\r\nThat\'s right! Owls hoo!',NULL,0.00,NULL,195,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (961,10,'Museum Funny!','Q: What did King Tut say to the museum?\r\nA: I want my mummy!',NULL,0.00,NULL,169,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (962,10,'New...','If you went to New York City for vacation and found eggs everywhere, what would the city\'s new name be?\r\n\r\nNew Yolk City!',NULL,0.00,NULL,186,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (964,10,'Nuts','Two Nuts Where Walking Down The Street.\r\nOne Was A Salted! ',NULL,0.00,NULL,193,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (966,10,'One-liners for kids','Q: What goes TICK-TICK, WOOF-WOOF?\r\nA: A watchdog!\r\n\r\nQ: Why do male deer need braces?\r\nA: Because they have \"buck teeth!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,141,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (968,10,'Pantsy Golfer','Q: Why did the golfer wear 2 pairs of pants?\r\n\r\nA: Just in case he got a hole-in-one!',NULL,0.00,NULL,156,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (971,10,'What\'s the difference...','Q: What is the difference between a teacher and a train??\r\n\r\nA: A teacher says \"spit out that gum\" and a train says \"choo choo choo!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,147,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (976,10,'Turtle Crossing','Q: Why did the Turtle cross the road?\r\nA: To get to the shell station.',NULL,0.00,NULL,189,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (982,10,'The Parting of the Red Sea','How did Moses part the Red Sea?\r\n\r\nWith a seesaw!',NULL,0.00,NULL,159,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (987,10,'The Big Pencil','Question: What\'s the biggest pencil in the World?\r\n\r\nAnswer: Pennsylvania!',NULL,0.00,NULL,173,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (989,10,'The beach','How did the sand get wet?\r\nThe sea weed!',NULL,0.00,NULL,178,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (991,10,'Stupid Elephant Jokes','How can you tell when an elephant has been in your refrigerator?\r\n\r\nFootprints in the butter!',NULL,0.00,NULL,158,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (993,10,'Snail talk','Q. What did the snail say when he climbed onto the turtles back?\r\n\r\nA. WHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ',NULL,0.00,NULL,154,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (994,10,'Smoking Dragon....','Q: What\'s the difference between the dinosaur and a dragon...?\r\n\r\nA: Dinosaurs are too young to SMOKE!',NULL,0.00,NULL,156,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (995,10,'Sleeping Bull','Q: What do you call a Sleeping Bull?\r\n\r\nA: A Bull-Dozer!',NULL,0.00,NULL,174,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (998,10,'Rabbit Catching','Q: How do you catch a unique rabbit?\r\nA: Unique up on him.\r\n\r\nQ: How do you catch a tame rabbit?\r\nA: Tame way, unique up on him.',NULL,0.00,NULL,144,1,1,1,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1105,11,'Men\'s Pissing Rules','a. Head for the largest open expanse of urinal available. If you stand too close to someone, they will think that you are gay. If you stand too far away from someone, they will think that you think that they are gay.\r\n\r\nb. Three shakes only. Two is unhygienic, four is a wanker.\r\n\r\nc. If you fart, say \"Whooaa, what a ripper!\"\r\n\r\nd. Don\'t look. Real men never compare sizes.\r\n\r\ne. Never use the drying machines or the towels. Walking out with wet hands into the bar looks like the condensation off at least six pitchers.',NULL,0.00,NULL,135,1,1,3,'4',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1107,11,'Men Are Like.......','Men are like....Laxatives. They irritate the shit out of you.\r\n\r\nMen are like....Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are.\r\n\r\nMen are like ....Vacations. They never seem long enough.\r\n\r\nMen are like....Bank machines.Once they withdraw they lose interest.\r\n\r\nMen are like ....Weather. Nothing can be done about either one of them.\r\n\r\nMen are like....Blenders. You need one but your not quite sure why.\r\n\r\nMen are like....Cement. After getting laid, they take along time to get hard.\r\n\r\nMen are like....Chocolate Bars. Sweet,smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.\r\n\r\nMen are like....Coffee. The best ones are rich, warm and can keep you up all night long.\r\n\r\nMen are like....Commercials. You can\'t believe a word they say.\r\n\r\nMen are like....Department Stores. Their clothes should always be half off.\r\n\r\nMen are like....Government Bonds. They take so long to mature.\r\n\r\nMen are like....Horoscopes. They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.\r\n\r\nMen are like....Lawn Mowers. If your not pushing one around, you\'re riding it.\r\n\r\nMen are like....Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.\r\n\r\nMen are like....Popcorn. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.\r\n\r\nMen are like ....Snowstorms. You never know when he\'s coming, how many inches you\'ll get or how long he will last.',NULL,0.00,NULL,149,1,1,3,'4',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1108,11,'Men Are Like...','Men are like department stores.... their clothes should always be half off.\r\n\r\nMen are like vacations.... they never seem to be long enough.\r\n\r\nMen are like computers... hard to figure out and never have enough memory.\r\n\r\nMen are like coolers... load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.\r\n\r\nMen are like chocolate bars.... sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.\r\n\r\nMen are like coffee.... the best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.\r\n\r\nMen are like horoscopes.... they always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.\r\n\r\nMen are like plungers... they spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.\r\n\r\nMen are like cement.... after getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.',NULL,0.00,NULL,140,1,1,3,'4',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1115,11,'Jokes for the Ladies!','Q: Why are married women heavier than single women?\r\nA: Single women come home, see what\'s in the fridge and go to bed. \r\nMarried women come home, see what\'s in bed and go to the fridge.\r\n\r\nQ: How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?\r\nA: Both of them.\r\n\r\nQ: Why did the man cross the road?\r\nA: He heard the chicken was a slut.\r\n\r\nQ: Why don\'t women blink during foreplay?\r\nA: They don\'t have time.\r\n\r\nQ: Why does it take 1 million sperm cells to fertilize one egg?\r\nA: They won\'t stop to ask directions.\r\n\r\nQ: What do men and sperm have in common?\r\nA: They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.\r\n\r\nQ: How does a man show that he is planning for the future?\r\nA: He buys two cases of beer.\r\n\r\nQ: What is the difference between men and government bonds?\r\nA: The bonds mature.\r\n\r\nQ: Why are blonde jokes so short?\r\nA: So men can remember them.\r\n\r\nQ: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?\r\nA: We don\'t know; it has never happened.\r\n\r\nQ: Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?\r\nA: They all already have boyfriends.\r\n\r\nQ: What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?\r\nA: A Widow.\r\n\r\nQ: How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?\r\nA: His hand caught fire.\r\n\r\nQ: How do you get a man to do sit-ups?\r\nA: Put the remote control between his toes.\r\n\r\nQ: What did God say after creating Adam?\r\nA: I must be able to do better than that.\r\n\r\nQ: What did God say after creating Eve?\r\nA: \"Practice makes perfect.\"\r\n\r\nQ: How are men and parking spots alike?\r\nA: Good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small.\r\n\r\nQ: What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?\r\nA: They are married.\r\n\r\nMan says to God: \"God, why did you make woman so beautiful?\"\r\nGod says: \"So you would love her.\"\r\n\"But God,\" the man says, \"why did you make her so dumb?\"\r\nGod says: \"So she would love you.\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,147,1,1,3,'4',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1259,13,'Sound Dirty In Law But Aren\'t:','Things That Sound Dirty In Law But Aren\'t...\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nHave you looked through her briefs?\r<BR>\nHe is one hard judge!\r<BR>\nCounselor, let\'s do it in chambers.\r<BR>\nHis attorney withdrew at the last minute.\r<BR>\nIs it a penal offense?\r<BR>\nBetter leave the handcuffs on.\r<BR>\nFor $200 an hour, she better be good!\r<BR>\nCan you get him to drop his suit?\r<BR>\nThe judge gave her the stiffest one he could.\r<BR>\nThink you can get me off?',NULL,1.50,2,574,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1262,13,'Bucket','Q: What\'s the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\nA: The bucket.',NULL,1.00,1,465,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1263,13,'Cross With A Blonde','Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?\r\n\r\nA1: I don\'t know, there are some things even a blonde won\'t do.\r\nA2: Something that when it gives you a blow job, it won\'t stop until it gets blood.',NULL,3.33,3,913,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1264,13,'Gigolo','Q. What\'s the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?\r<BR>\nA. A gigolo only screws one person at a time.',NULL,0.00,NULL,409,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1266,13,'Courtroom Chaos','A man accused of robbing a bank was tried for the final time and was found guilty. Just before he was taken away, the man looked the judge in the eye and said, \"Would it be okay if I called you a son of a bitch?\"\r\n\r\nThe judge\'s face went red and he roared, \"It most certainly would not! I\'d add another two years onto your sentence!\"\r\n\r\nThe defendant nodded and then asked, \"Would it be okay if I THOUGHT you were a son of a bitch?\"\r\n\r\nThe judge was becoming very annoyed but replied, \"Yes, I suppose that would be okay. I obviously have no control over your thoughts.\"\r\n\r\nThe defendant smiled and said, \"Well, in that case, judge, I think you are a son of a bitch!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,413,1,1,2,'1',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1268,13,'Explaination','A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. \"Tim, you be first,\" she said. \"What does your mother do all day?\" Tim stood up and proudly said, \"She\'s a doctor.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"That\'s wonderful. How about you, Amie?\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nAmie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, \"My father is a mailman.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"Thank you, Amie,\" said the teacher. \"What about your father, Billy?\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nBilly proudly stood up and announced, \"My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy\'s house and rang the bell. Billy\'s father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and asked if there might be some logical explanation. \r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nBilly\'s father said, \"I\'m actually an attorney. But how can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?\"',NULL,2.50,2,725,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1269,13,'Getting a date.','There was a loser who couldn\'t get a date. He went to a bar and asked this one guy how to get a date. The guy said, \"It\'s simple. I just say, I\'m a lawyer.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nSo the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out. After she said \"No,\" he told her that it was probably a good thing because he had a case early in the morning.\r<BR>\nShe said, \"Oh!!!! Your a lawyer?\"\r<BR>\nHe said, \"Why,... Yes I am!\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nSo they went to his place and when they were in bed, screwing, he started to laugh to himself. When she asked what was so funny, he answered,\r<BR>\n\"Well, I\'ve only been a lawyer for 15 minutes, and I\'m already screwing someone!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,362,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1274,13,'The 12 marriages!','A lawyer got married to a woman who had previously been married 12 times. On their wedding night, they settled into the bridal suite at their hotel and the bride said to her new groom, \"Please, promise to be gentle. I am still a virgin.\"\r\n\r\nThis puzzled the groom, since after 12 marriages, he thought that at least one of her husbands would have been able to perform. He asked his new bride to explain the phenomenon.\r\n\r\nShe responded:\r\n\r\nMy first husband was a Sales Representative who spent our entire marriage telling me, in grandiose terms, \'It\'s gonna be great!\'\r\n\r\nMy second husband was from Software Services; he was never quite sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he would send me documentation.\r\n\r\nMy third husband was from Field Services and constantly said that everything was diagnostically OK, but he just couldn\'t get the system up.\r\n\r\nMy fourth husband was from Educational Services, and he simply said, Those who can, do; those who can\'t, teach.\r\n\r\nMy fifth husband was from the Telemarketing Department and said that he had the orders, but he wasn\'t quite sure when he was going to be able to deliver.\r\n\r\nMy sixth husband was an Engineer. He told me that he understood the basic process but needed three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.\r\n\r\nMy seventh husband was from Finance and Administration. His comments were that he knew how, but he just wasn\'t sure whether it was his job.\r\n\r\nMy eighth husband was from Standards and Regulations and told me that he was up to the standards but that regulations said nothing about how to do it.\r\n\r\nMy ninth husband was a Marketing Manager. He said, \'I know I have the product. I\'m just not sure how to position it.\'\r\n\r\nMy tenth husband was a psychiatrist, and all he ever wanted to do was talk about it.\r\n\r\nMy eleventh husband was a gynecologist, and all he ever wanted to do was look at it.\r\n\r\nMy twelfth husband was a stamp collector, and all he ever wanted to do was -- God I miss him!\r\n\r\nSo now I have married a lawyer, so I know I\'m going to get screwed!',NULL,0.50,2,531,1,1,2,'1',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1275,13,'The stranded lawyers!','Two lawyers had been stranded on a deserted island for several months.<br><br>\nThe only other thing on the island was the tall coconut tree, that provided them their food. Each day, one of the lawyers climbed to the top of the tree, to see if he could see a rescue boat coming.<br><br>\n<br><br>\nOne day, the lawyer yelled down from the tree, \"Wow! I can\'t believe my eyes! I don\'t believe this is true!\" The lawyer on the ground was skeptical and said, \"I think you\'re hallucinating and you should come down right now.\"<br><br>\n<br><br>\nSo, the lawyer reluctantly climbed down the tree and told his friend that he had just seen a naked blonde woman floating face up headed toward their island.<br><br>\n<br><br>\nThe other lawyer started to laugh, thinking his friend had surely lost his mind. But, within a few minutes, up to the beach floated a naked blonde woman, face up, totally unconscious.<br><br>\n<br><br>\nThe two lawyers went over to her and one said to the other, \"You know, we\'ve been on this island for months now without a woman. It\'s been a long time...do you think we should....you know..... screw her?\"<br><br>\n<br><br>\nThe other lawyer glanced down at the totally naked woman and asked...<br><br>\n\"Out of what?\"',NULL,1.00,1,405,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1276,13,'Virgin','A mature woman was in the pastorial study counseling for her upcoming fourth wedding.\r\n\r\n\"Father, how am I going to tell my husband that I am still a virgin?\"\r\n\r\n\"My child, you have been a married woman for many years. Surely that cannot be.\"\r\n\r\n\"Well, father, my first husband was a psychologist, and all he wanted to do was talk, and the next one was in construction and he always said he\'d get to it tomorrow.\r\n\r\nThe last one was a gynecologist and all he did was look. But this time, father, I\'m marrying a lawyer and I\'m sure I\'m going to get screwed!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,470,1,1,2,'1',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1278,13,'Actual Court Sayings!','30 things people actually said in court\r\n\r\nQuestion 1.\r\nQ: What is your date of birth?\r\nA: July 15th\r\nQ: What year?\r\nA: Every year.\r\n\r\nQuestion 2.\r\nQ: What gear were you in the moment of impact?\r\nA: Gucci sweets and Reeboks.\r\n\r\nQuestion 3.\r\nQ: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory\r\nA: Yes.\r\nQ: And in what ways does it affect your memory?\r\nA: I forget.\r\nQ: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you have forgotten?\r\n\r\nQuestion 4.\r\nQ: How old is your son, the one living with you?\r\nA: 38 or 35, I can\'t remember which.\r\nQ: How long has he lived with you?\r\nA: 45 years\r\n\r\nQuestion 5.\r\nQ: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?\r\nA: He said \"Where am I, Cathy?\"\r\nQ: And why did that upset you?\r\nA My name is Susan.\r\n\r\nQuestion 6.\r\nQ: And where was the location of the accident?\r\nA: Approximatly milepost 499.\r\nQ: And where is milepost 499?\r\nA: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.\r\n\r\nQuestion 7.\r\nQ: Sir, What is your IQ?\r\nA: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.\r\n\r\nQuestion 8.\r\nQ: Did you blow your horn or anything?\r\nA: After the accident?\r\nQ: Before the accident.\r\nA: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.\r\n\r\nQuestion 9.\r\nQ: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?\r\nA: We both do.\r\nQ: Voodoo?\r\nA: We do.\r\nQ: You do?\r\nA: Yes, Voodoo.\r\n\r\nQuestion 10.\r\nQ: Trooper, when you stopped the defendent, were you red and blue lights flashing?\r\nA: Yes\r\nQ: Did the defendent say anything when she got out of her car?\r\nA: Yes sir\r\nQ: What did she say?\r\nA: What disco am I at?\r\n\r\nQuestion 11.\r\nQ: Now doctor, isnt it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesnt know about it until the next morning?\r\n\r\nQuestion 12.\r\nQ: The youngest son, the 22 year old, how old is he?\r\n\r\nQuestion 13.\r\nQ: Were you present when your picture was taken?\r\n\r\nQuestion 14.\r\nQ: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?\r\n\r\nQuestion 15.\r\nQ: Did he kill you?\r\n\r\nQuestion 16.\r\nQ: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of collision?\r\n\r\nQuestion 17.\r\nQ: You were there until the time you left, is that true?\r\n\r\nQuestion 18.\r\nQ: How many times have you committed suicide?\r\n\r\nQuestion 19.\r\nQ: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?\r\nA: Yes.\r\nQ: What were you doing at the time?\r\n\r\nQuestion 20.\r\nQ: She had three children right?\r\nA: Yes.\r\nQ: How many were boys?\r\nA: none.\r\nQ: Were there any girls?\r\n\r\nQuestion 21.\r\nQ: You say the stairs went down to the basement?\r\nA: yes\r\nQ: And these stairs, did they go up also?\r\n\r\nQuestion 22.\r\nQ: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather eleborate honeymoon, didnt you?\r\nA: I went to Europe, Sir.\r\nQ: And you took your new wife?\r\n\r\nQuestion 23.\r\nQ: How was your first marriage terminated?\r\nA: By death.\r\nQ: And by whose death was it terminated?\r\n\r\nQuestion 24.\r\nQ: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?\r\nA: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.\r\n\r\nQuestion 25.\r\nQ: Can you describe the individual?\r\nA: He was about medium height and had a beard.\r\nQ: Was this a male or female?\r\n\r\nQuestion 26.\r\nQ: Doctor how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?\r\nA: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.\r\n\r\nQuestion 27.\r\nQ: All your responses must be oral, OK,? What school did you go to?\r\nA: Oral\r\n\r\nQuestion 28.\r\nQ: Do you recall the time you examined the body?\r\nA: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.\r\nQ: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?\r\nA: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.\r\n\r\nQuestion 29.\r\nQ: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?\r\n\r\nQuestion 30.\r\nQ:Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? \r\nA: No.\r\nQ: Did you check for blood pressure?\r\nA: No.\r\nQ: Did you check for breathing?\r\nA: No.\r\nQ: So it was possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?\r\nA: No.\r\nQ: How can you be so sure, Doctor?\r\nA: Because his brains was sitting on my desk in a jar.\r\nQ: But could the patien have still been alive nevertheless?\r\nA: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.',NULL,0.00,NULL,366,1,1,1,'3',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1280,13,'Laws of Life','Katz\'s Law:<br>\nMen and women will act rationally towards each other only after all other possibilities have been exhausted.<br>\n<br>\nChurchill\'s Commentary on Man:<br>\nMan will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.<br>\n<br>\nSattinger\'s Law:<br>\nIt works better if you plug it in.<br>\n<br>\nCahn\'s Axiom (aka Alien\'s Axiom):<br>\nWhen all else fails, read the instructions.<br>\n<br>\nBeckhap\'s Law:<br>\nBeauty times brains equals a constant.<br>\n<br>\nCole\'s Axiom:<br>\nThe sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.<br>\n<br>\nJone\'s Motto:<br>\nFriends come and go, but enemies accumulate.<br>\n<br>\nThe Ultimate Law:<br>\nAll general statements are false.<br>\n<br>\nKnight\'s Law:<br>\nLife is what happens to you when you\'re making other plans.<br>\n<br>\nKrueger\'s Observation:<br>\nA taxpayer is someone who does not have to take a civil service exam in order to work for the government.<br>\n<br>\nBenchley\'s Law of Distinction:<br>\nThere are two kinds of people in the world; those who believe there are two kinds of people and those who don\'t.<br>\n<br>\nHarver\'s Law:<br>\nA drunken man\'s words are a sober man\'s thoughts.<br>\n<br>\nRule of Accuracy:<br>\nWhen working towards the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.<br>\n<br>\nFinagle\'s First Law:<br>\nIf an experiment works, something has gone wrong.<br>\n<br>\nFinagle\'s Third Law:<br>\nIn any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake.<br>\n<br>\nRudin\'s Law:<br>\nIn crises that force people to choose among alternative courses of action, most people will choose the worst one possible.<br>\n<br>\nGinsberg\'s Restatement of the Three Laws of Thermodynamics:<br>\nYou can\'t win.<br>\nYou can\'t break even.<br>\nYou can\'t quit.<br>\n<br>\nQuantized Revision of Murphy\'s Law:<br>\nEverything goes wrong all at once.<br>\n<br>\nO\'Toole\'s Commentary:<br>\nMurphy was an optimist.<br>\n<br>\nMurphy\'s Constant:<br>\nMatter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.<br>\n<br>\nFirestone\'s Law of Forecasting:<br>\nChicken Little only has to be right once.<br>\n<br>\nRalph\'s Observation:<br>\nIt is a mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize you are in a hurry.<br>\n<br>\nMurphy\'s 3rd Military Law:<br>\nFriendly fire ain\'t.<br>\n<br>\nMurphy\'s 4th Military Law:<br>\nThe most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.<br>\n<br>\nMurphy\'s 5th Military Law:<br>\nThe problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.<br>\n<br>\nMurphy\'s 6th Military Law:<br>\nThe buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.<br>\n<br>\nMurphy\'s 7th Military Law:<br>\nThe farther you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely your artillery will shoot short.<br>\n<br>\nMurphy\'s 8th Military Law:<br>\nIncoming fire has the right of way.<br>\n<br>\nMurphy\'s 9th Military Law:<br>\nIf your advance is going well, you\'re walking into an ambush.<br>\n<br>\nMurphy\'s 10th Military Law:<br>\nThe quartermaster only has two sizes, too large and too small.<br>\n<br>\nMurphy\'s 11th Military Law:<br>\nIf you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.<br>\n<br>\nMurphy\'s 13th Military Law:<br>\nThe only thing more accurate than incoming fire is incoming friendly fire.<br>\n<br>\nClarke\'s Third Law:<br>\nAny sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.<br>\n<br>\nWeiler\'s Law:<br>\nNothing is impossible for the man who doesn\'t have to do it himself.<br>\n<br>\nPeter\'s Placebo:<br>\nAn ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.<br>\n<br>\nZymurgy\'s Law of Volunteer Labour:<br>\nPeople are always available for work in the past tense.<br>\n<br>\nGrossman\'s Misquote:<br>\nComplex problems have simple, easy-to-understand wrong answers.<br>\n<br>\nDucharme\'s Precept:<br>\nOpportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.<br>\n<br>\nPerkin\'s Postulate:<br>\nThe bigger they are, the harder they hit.<br>\n<br>\nConway\'s Law:<br>\nIn every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person must be fired.<br>\n<br>\nStewart\'s Law of Retroaction:<br>\nIt is easier to get forgiveness than permission.<br>\n<br>\nHorngren\'s Observation (generalized):<br>\nThe real world is a special case.<br>\n<br>\nShirley\'s Law:<br>\nMost people deserve each other.<br>\n<br>\nGold\'s Law:<br>\nIf the shoe fits, it\'s ugly.<br>\n<br>\nColson\'s Law:<br>\nWhen you\'ve got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.<br>\n<br>\nComin\'s Law:<br>\nPeople will accept your idea much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first.<br>\n<br>\nMencken\'s Metalaw:<br>\nFor every human problem there is a neat, simple solution; and it is always wrong.<br>\n<br>\nSevareid\'s Law:<br>\nThe chief cause of problems is solutions.<br>\n<br>\nThoreau\'s Law:<br>\nIf you see a man approaching you with the obvious intention of doing you good, you should run for your life.<br>\n<br>\nGerrold\'s Pronouncement:<br>\nThe difference between a politician and a snail is that a snail leaves its slime behind.<br>\n<br>\nHane\'s Law:<br>\nThere is no limit to how bad things can get.<br>\n<br>\nAlan\'s Law:<br>\nAll things being equal, you lose.',NULL,0.00,NULL,386,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1281,13,'Lawyer Hunting Regulations!','NEW REGULATIONS FOR THE HUNTING OF LAWERS<br>\nGovernment Department of Fish and \"WildLife\" Sec. 1200<br>\n<br>\n1. Any person with a valid hunting license may harvest attorneys.<br>\n<br>\n2. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.<br>\n<br>\n3. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.<br>\n<br>\n4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft.<br>\n5. It shall be unlawful to shout \"whiplash\", \"ambulance\", or \"free Perrier\" for the purpose of trapping attorneys.<br>\n<br>\n6. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW<br>\ndealerships.<br>\n<br>\n7. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, whorehouses, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals.<br>\n<br>\n8. If an attorney is elected to government office, it shall be a felony to hunt, \"entrap\", or possess it.<br>\n<br>\n9. Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department inspection for rabies, and vermin.<br>\n<br>\n10. It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a reporter, drugdealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, or taxaccountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.<br>\n<br>\nBAG LIMITS<br>\n(Maximum number of catches allowed per hunting season)<br>\n<br>\n1. Yellow Bellied Sidewinder...........(2)<br>\n2. Two-faced Tort Feasor...............(1)<br>\n3. Back-stabbing Divorce Litigator.....(4)<br>\n4. Small-breasted Ball Buster..........(3)<br>\n(Female only)<br>\n5. Big-mouthed Pub Gut.................(2)<br>\n6. Honest Attorney.....................(0) <br>\n(On the Endangered Species List) (Illegal to hunt)<br>\n7. Cut-throat..........................(2)<br>\n8. Back-stabbing Whiner................(2)<br>\n9. Brown-nosed Judge Kisser............(2)<br>\n10. Silver-tongued Drug Defender.......($100 BOUNTY)',NULL,0.00,NULL,294,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1284,13,'2 Bullets','Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?<br>\nA: Shoot the lawyer twice.',NULL,0.00,NULL,421,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1285,13,'Conflict of Interest','Having lawyers create laws is like have doctors create diseases!',NULL,0.00,NULL,387,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1286,13,'Drowning Lawyer','How do you prevent a Lawyer from drowning?<br>\n<br>\nShoot him before he hits the water!',NULL,0.00,NULL,356,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1287,13,'Female Lawyer','Q: What is the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?<br>\n<br>\nA: Lipstick',NULL,0.00,NULL,313,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1289,13,'Inventing Wire','How was wire invented?<br>\n<br>\nTwo lawyers pulling on a penny.',NULL,0.00,NULL,230,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1305,13,'Get Me Another Lawyer','Defendant: Your Honor, I want you to appoint me another lawyer. \r<BR>\r<BR>Judge: And why is that?\r<BR>\r<BR>Defendant: Because the Public Defender isn\'t interested in my case.\r<BR>\r<BR>Judge (to Public Defender): Do you have any comments on the defendant\'s motion?\r<BR>\r<BR>Public Defender: I\'m sorry, Your Honor. I wasn\'t listening.',NULL,0.00,NULL,279,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1308,13,'How Do You Feel?','Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court the trucking company\'s fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"Didn\'t you say at the scene of the accident, \'I\'m fine,\"\' asked the lawyer. Farmer Joe responded, \"Well, I\'ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the...\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"I didn\'t ask for any details,\" the lawyer interrupted, \"just answer the question.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nDid you not say at the scene of the accident, \'I\'m fine!\'.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nFarmer Joe said, \"Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I as driving down the road...\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe lawyer interrupted again and said, \"Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the highway patrolman on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nBy this time the judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe\'s answer and said to the lawyer, \"I\'d like to hear what he has to say.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nJoe thanked the Judge and proceeded, \"Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nI was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn\'t want to move. However, I could hear ol\' Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nShortly after the accident a highway patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me.\r<BR>\nHe said, \"Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her.\r<BR>\nHow are you feeling?\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,303,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1313,13,'Lawyer at the Pearly Gates.','A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit when he suddenly found himself at the Gates of Heaven.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nSt. Peter started to escort him inside, when he began to protest that his untimely death had to be some sort of mistake. \"I\'m much too young to die! I\'m only 35!\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nSt. Peter agreed that 35 did seem to be a bit young to be entering the pearly gates, and agreed to check on his case.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nAfter investigating, he told the attorney, \"I\'m afraid that their is no mistake my son...\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWe verified your age on the basis of the number of hours you\'ve billed to your clients, and you\'re at least 108 years old!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,261,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1316,13,'Lawyer\'s Translation','A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas ranger decided to track him down. After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit\'s head, and said, \"You\'re under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I\'ll blow your brains out.\"\r<BR>\r<BR>But the bandit didn\'t speak English, and the Ranger didn\'t speak Spanish.\r<BR>\r<BR>Fortunately, a bilingual lawyer was in the saloon and translated the Ranger\'s message. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina.\r<BR>\r<BR>\"What did he say?\" asked the Ranger.\r<BR>\r<BR>The lawyer answered, \"He said \'Get lost, Gringo. You wouldn\'t dare shoot me!\'\"',NULL,5.00,1,1464,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1349,14,'Top10 New Summer Camps!','Top 10 Summer Camps you should not send your kids to:\r\n\r\n10. Tommy Lee\'s---------- Camp Kickachickee\r\n9. Lorena Bobbit\'s------ Camp Cutaweewee\r\n8. Tanya Harding\'s------ Camp Wackaneenee\r\n7. Kenneth Star\'s------- Camp Catchacrookee\r\n6. Louis Farakahn\'s----- Camp Killawhitey\r\n5. O.J. Simpson\'s------- Camp Killachickee\r\n4. Michael Jackson\'s---- Camp Wannabewhitey\r\n3. President Clinton\'s-- Camp Getahoochie\r\n2. Ellen Degeneras\'s---- Camp Lickacoochie\r\n\r\nAnd the number one camp not to send your kid to:\r\n\r\n1. Monica Lewinsky\'s---- Camp Suckapeepee',NULL,0.00,NULL,156,1,1,3,'4',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1350,14,'Dairy queen--whopper','How did the dairy queen get pregnant?\r\nThe burger king showed her his whopper!!!',NULL,0.00,NULL,157,1,1,3,'3',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1351,14,'Green','Q: If you\'ve got a green ball in your left hand, and a green ball in your right hand, what do you have?\r\n\r\nA: Kermit the Frog\'s undivided attention.',NULL,0.00,NULL,161,1,1,3,'3',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1352,14,'Kermit the Frog','Q: What\'s long, green, thin, and smells like pork?\r\n\r\nA: Kermits finger!',NULL,0.00,NULL,155,1,1,3,'3',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1353,14,'Cinderella and Alan','Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead Prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat called Alan for companionship.\r\n\r\nOne sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said: \'Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?\'\r\nThe Fairy Godmother replied: \'Well Cinderella, since you have lived a good, wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you 3 wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?\'\r\n\r\nCinderella is taken aback, overjoyed and after some thoughtful consideration and almost under her breath she uttered her first wish. \'I wish I was wealthy beyond comprehension.\' Instantly her rocking chair was turned into solid gold. Cinderella was stunned.\r\n\r\nCinderella said \'Oh thank you, Fairy Godmother!\' The Fairy Godmother replied \'It is the least I can do. What is your second wish?\' Cinderella looked down at her frail body and said: \'I wish I was young and full of the beauty of youth again.\'\r\n\r\nAt once, her wish having been desired, became reality, and her beautiful youthful visage had returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years and long forgotten vigour and vitality began to course through her very soul. Then the Fairy Godmother spoke again: \'You have one more wish, what shall you have?\'\r\n\r\nCinderella looked over to Alan, who was now quivering in the corner with fear. \'I wish you to transform my old cat, Alan, into a beautiful and handsome young man.\' Magically, Alan suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biologicial make up, that when he stoof before her, he was a boy, so beautiful the like of which she nor the world had ever seen, so fair indeed that birds begun to fall from the sky at his feet.\r\n\r\nThe Fairy Godmother said: \'Congratulations Cinderella! Enjoy your new life.\' With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, she was gone.\r\n\r\nFor a few moments, Alan and Cinderella looked into each other\'s eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most stunningly perfect boy she had ever seen. Then Alan walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, and held her close in his muscular arms.\r\n\r\nHe leant close to her ear, and into her ear breathed as much as whispered, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath, \'I bet you regret having my balls chopped off now, don\'t you?\'',NULL,0.00,NULL,165,1,1,3,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1358,14,'Little Red Riding Hood','Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.\r\n\r\n\"My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf,\" says Little Red Riding Hood.\r\nThe surprised wolf jumps up and runs away!\r\n\r\nFurther down the road, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again-this time he is crouched behind a tree stump.\r\n\r\n\"My what big ears you have Mr. Wolf, \" says Little Red Riding Hood.\r\nAgain the foiled wolf jumps up and runs away!\r\n\r\nAbout two miles down the track, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time crouched down behind a road sign.\r\n\r\n\"My, what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf,\" taunts Little Red Riding Hood.\r\nWith that, the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams, \"Will you get lost? \r\nI\'m trying to take a shit!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,147,1,1,3,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1361,14,'Pinocchio Kidnapped!','Everyone hear the news about Snow White, Cinderella, and Sleeping Beauty being expelled from Disneyland?\r\n\r\nApparently all three were co-conspirators in the kidnapping of Pinocchio.\r\n\r\nFor several days, they tied him up, and each took turns sitting on his face, telling him to lie, lie, lie!!!',NULL,0.00,NULL,162,1,1,3,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1363,14,'Schingwers','Q: Why are Bill Clinton, Monica Lewinksy, and O.J. Simpson such bad golfers.\r\n\r\nA: Monica is a hooker, O.J. is a slicer and Bill doesn\'t know what hole to put it in.',NULL,0.00,NULL,164,1,1,3,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1365,14,'Tell me a Story!','A reporter goes way up into the hills of West Virginia to write an article about the area. He meets an old man in a small town and asks him about any memorable events in his life.\r\n\r\nThe old man says, \"Well, one time my favorite sheep got lost, so me and my neighbors got some moonshine and went looking for it. We looked and looked and finally found the sheep. Then we drank the moonshine and one by one, started shagging the sheep. It was a lot of fun!\"\r\n\r\nThe reporter figured he can\'t write an article about that, so he asked the old man to tell him another story.\r\n\r\nThe old man said, \"Well, one time my neighbor\'s wife got lost, so me and all the village men got some moonshine and went out looking for her. We looked and looked and finally we found her. Then we drank the moonshine and one by one, started shagging the neighbor\'s wife. Now, THAT was a lot of fun!\"\r\n\r\nThe reporter, feeling frustrated, finally told the old man that he couldn\'t write articles about those stories and asked him if he had any dramatic or sad memories that he could talk about.\r\n\r\nThe old man paused a little and with a sad expression on his face said -\r\n\"Well, one time I was lost ...\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,129,1,1,3,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1367,14,'The Marv Albert Song','Walkin\' Round in Women\'s Underwear\r\n(to be sung to \"Walkin\' in a Winter Wonderland\")\r\n\r\nLacy things - the wife is missin,\r\nDidn\'t ask - her permission,\r\nI\'m wearin\' her clothes,\r\nHer silk pantyhose,\r\nWalkin\' round in women\'s underwear.\r\n\r\nIn the store - there\'s a teddy,\r\nLittle straps - like spaghetti,\r\nIt holds me so tight,\r\nLike handcuffs at night,\r\nWalkin\' round in women\'s underwear.\r\n\r\nIn the office there\'s a guy named Marvin,\r\nHe pretends that I am Murphy Brown.\r\nHe\'ll say, \"Are you ready?\" I\'ll say, \"Whoa, Man!\"\r\n\"Let\'s wait until our wives are out of town!\"\r\n\r\nLater on, if you wanna,\r\nWe can dress - like Madonna,\r\nPut on some eyeshade,\r\nAnd join the parade,\r\nWalkin\' round in women\'s underwear!',NULL,0.00,NULL,145,1,1,3,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1368,14,'The Real Cinderella Story','The story takes off where Cinderella just got yelled at by her step-mother, then her fairy godmother comes to her aid.\r\n\r\nThe fairy godmother says, \"I can make you a new dress and give you everything you need to go to the ball... on two conditions!\"\r\n\"Anything, \" says Cinderella, \"anything!\"\r\n\r\n\"Okay the first condition is you have to wear a diaphram. The second condition is you have to be back by 2:00 AM or else your diaphram will turn into a pumpkin,\" says the fairy godmother.\r\n\r\nSo Cinderella goes to the ball and the fairy godmother just waits and waits and then it gets to be 2:00AM, 3:00, 4:00, 5:00 and Cinderella\'s still not back. Then Cinderella finally shows up and the fairy godmother is astonished as to Cinderella\'s appearence... no pumpkin!\r\n\r\nThe godmother asks Cinderella who she was with for she had no idea of a man with such power.\r\n\r\nThen Cinderella replies, \"Peter, Peter something or other?\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,138,1,1,3,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1369,14,'The Snow White Ad!','Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs are roaming in the forest when they come across a lake. The water was enticing and Snow White decides to take a bath. So she tells the Dwarfs to turn around while she is taking a bath in the lake.\r\n\r\nThe Dwarfs protest vehemently because they want to take a bath too.\r\n\r\nSnow White relents and says \"When I get into the water and you hear the splash, you can turn around.\"\r\n\r\nSnow White undresses and as she is about to jump into water, at that very moment, she is startled by a frog who jumps into water before she can.\r\n\r\nThe moment the Dwarfs hear the SPLASH, they turn around and see Snow White standing NAKED.\r\n\r\nNow, given that this incident is an idea for a TV ad, what product is being advertised?\r\n\r\nScroll down for the answer.\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\nCome on now, this should be easy for a person of your mental powers!\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\nThe product being advertised is...\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\n?\r\nSEVEN UP!',NULL,0.00,NULL,144,1,1,3,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1373,14,'Name A Fawn...','Q: Name a fawn, a lawn and a yawn.\r\n\r\nA: Bambi, the White House grounds, and the new TV season.',NULL,0.00,NULL,159,1,1,2,'3',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1374,14,'New business mergers!','Grey Poupon and Dockers Pants:\r\nNew company will be called - Poupon Pants.\r\n(my warped sense of humor loves this one!:)\r\n\r\nKnott\'s Berry Farms and National Organization of Women:\r\nNew company will be called - Knott NOW!!!',NULL,0.00,NULL,145,1,1,2,'3',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1375,14,'OJ\'s URL','OJ Simpson\'s website address:\r\n\r\nwww dot \'o\' dot \'j\' dot com backslash backslash backslash escape.',NULL,0.00,NULL,153,1,1,2,'3',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1376,14,'Scottie (Star Trek)','Ha ha ha,very funny Scottie....\r\n\r\nNOW BEAM DOWN MY CLOTHES!!',NULL,0.00,NULL,138,1,1,2,'3',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1377,14,'The Enterprise/Toilet Paper','Q: What does the Star Trek Enterprise and tiolet paper have in common?\r\n\r\nA: They both circle around uranus searching for klingons!',NULL,0.00,NULL,200,1,1,2,'3',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1378,14,'The nsync joke','God made oceans, God made lakes, God made NSYNC but hey, we all make mistakes!!!!',NULL,0.00,NULL,165,1,1,2,'3',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1380,14,'A Letter From Barbie','*************************\r\nChief Executive Officer\r\nMattel, Inc.\r\nEl Segundo, CA\r\n\r\nDear Sir,\r\n\r\nListen you little troll, I\'ve been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya, but IT\'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME! There had better be some changes around here this year, or I\'m gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you won\'t wanna be around to smell it).\r\n\r\nSo, here\'s my 1997 resolution/wish list:\r\n\r\n1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I\'m sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro crawling up your butt?\r\n\r\n2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear to my skin?!? It looks like cellulite!\r\n\r\n3. A REAL man...maybe GI Joe. Hell, I\'d take Tickle-Me Elmo over that wimped-out excuse for a boyfriend, Ken. And what\'s with that earring anyway? If I\'m gonna have to suffer with him, at least make him (and me) anatomically correct.\r\n\r\n4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct.\r\n\r\n5. Breast reduction surgery. I don\'t care whose arm you have to twist, just get it done.\r\n\r\n6. A sports bra. To wear until I get the surgery.\r\n\r\n7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don\'t cut it. How about a systems analyst? Or better yet, an advertising account exec!\r\n\r\n8. A new, more 90s persona. Maybe \"PMS Barbie\", complete with a miniature container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips; \"Animal Rights Barbie\", with my very own paint gun, outfitted with a fake fur coat and handcuffs; or \"Stop Smoking Barbie\", sporting a removable Nicotrol patch and equipped with several packs of gum.\r\n\r\n9. No more McDonald\'s endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl.\r\n\r\n10. Mattel stock options. It\'s been 37 years--I think I deserve it.\r\n\r\nOk, Mr CEO, that\'s it. Considering my valuable contribution to society, I don\'t think these requests are out of line. If you disagree, then you can find yourself a new bimbo doll for next Christmas. It\'s that simple.\r\n\r\nYours truly,\r\n\r\nBarbie\r\nDreamhouse\r\nMalibu, CA',NULL,0.00,NULL,148,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1382,14,'AOL/TW Merger','Due to the recent merger of AOL and Time Warner, AOL members can soon expect the following changes:\r\n\r\nTime Magazine\'s next \"Man Of The Year\" issue will feature Steve Case on the cover as the undisputed winner. This of course will strictly be a coincidence.\r\n\r\nThe standard irritating AOL popups will be replaced by Warner Bros. cartoons. Now, Elmer Fudd will say, \"You cwazy wabbit, you\'ve been onwine for 5 minutes and that\'s way-y-y too long... we\'re going to boot you off!\"\r\n\r\nThe next time that you hear Bugs Bunny say, \"Eh, what\'s up Doc?\" he will be referring to your monthly AOL subscription charge.',NULL,0.00,NULL,184,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1383,14,'Arnold:the musical','Stallone, Tony Danza, and Arnold Swarzanagger are all going to be in a musical about famous composers.\r\n\r\nStallone wants to be Mozart, Danza says he\'ll be Bethoven, \r\n\r\nand Swarzanagger says \"I\'ll be Bach!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,112,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1384,14,'Chuck, Jean Claud, and Arnold','Chuck Norris, Arnold Swartzenagger, and Jean Claud VanDam, were talking one day. Chuck Norris asked, \"If you were a musician, who would you be?\".\r\n\r\nChuck Norris said, \"I would be Motzart.\"\r\nJean Claud VanDam said, \"I would be Bethoven.\"\r\nArnold then said, \"I\'ll be Bach!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,142,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1385,14,'Interview with a Pirate!','The pirate Red Beard was being interviewed by a newspaper reporter who was looking for juicy stories of excitement and derring-do. He told Red, \"I\'m sure my readers would love to hear the tale behind your pegleg.\" \r\n\r\n\"Well, I was thrown from the ship during gale force winds, and before me mate could throw me a line, a shark bit me leg clean off!\" \r\n\r\nThe interviewer was sort of disappointed. \"What about the hook at the end of your right arm?\" \r\n\r\n\"I lost it in a sword fight with the Captain of the Guard!\" \r\n\r\nAgain the reporter was disappointed. \"Certainly there\'s an exciting story about the patch on your eye?\" \r\n\r\n\"One day, I was out on deck, and a bird flew over and pooped in me eye!\" \r\n\r\nThe reporter was amazed. \"That\'s why you wear a patch?\" \r\n\r\n\"Well, I\'d only had me hook a couple of days!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,122,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1387,14,'Killer','A man was found murdered in his home over the weekend. Detectives at the scene found the man face down in his tub. The tub had been filled with milk, and the deceased had a banana protruding from his buttocks.\r\n\r\nPolice suspect a cereal killer.',NULL,0.00,NULL,152,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1388,14,'Let me through!','A car was involved in an accident in a street. As expected, a large crowd gathered.\r\n\r\nA newspaper reporter anxious to get his story could not get near the car. Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, \"Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim.\"\r\n\r\nThe crowd made way for him.\r\nLying in front of the car was a donkey.',NULL,0.00,NULL,168,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1389,14,'Michael Jackson Funnies','Q: Have you heard about Michael Jackson\'s New Book?\r\nA: It\'s called, \"The In\'s and Out\'s of Child Rearing\".\r\n\r\nQ: What do Michael Jackson and the Baltimore Orioles have in common?\r\nA: They both walk around with one glove on their hand for no apparent reason.\r\n\r\nMichael Jackson and Tonya Harding have decided to begin training racehorses together?\r\nYup, she\'s gonna do all the handicapping and he\'s gonna ride all the 3-year-olds!\r\n\r\nQ: Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men??\r\nA: He thought it was a delivery service.\r\n\r\nThe Pope has issued a proclamation on Michael Jackson.\r\nIf he hears any more allegations about little boys, the Pope says he\'ll have no choice but to make him a priest!\r\n\r\nQ: How can you tell when Michael Jackson is giving a party?\r\nA: By all the Big Wheels parked in his driveway.\r\n\r\nAnd finally, I found out why Michael has cut down on public appearances...\r\nHe wants to spend more time with the kids!',NULL,0.00,NULL,154,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1390,14,'Rush Limbaugh','Rush Limbaugh and his chauffeur were out driving in the country and accidentally hit and killed a pig that had wandered out on a country road.\r\n\r\nLimbaugh told the chauffeur to drive up to the farm and apologize to the farmer. They drove up to the farm, the chauffeur got out and knocked on the front door and was let in. He was in there for what seemed hours. When he came out, Limbaugh was confused about why his employee had been there so long.\r\n\r\n\"Well, first the farmer shook my hand, then he offered me a beer, then his wife brought me some cookies, and his daughter showered me with kisses,\" explained the driver.\r\n\r\n\"What did you tell the farmer?\" Limbaugh asked.\r\n\r\nThe chauffeur replied, \"I told him that I was Rush Limbaugh\'s driver and I\'d just killed the pig.',NULL,10.00,1,1304,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1391,14,'The \"real story\" of the three bears..','It\'s a sunny morning in the Big Forest, and the Bear family is just waking up.\r\n\r\nBaby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table.\r\nHe looks into his small bowl. It is empty!\r\n\"Who\'s been eating my porridge,\" he squeaks?\r\n\r\nDaddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair.\r\nHe looks into his big bowl, and it is also empty! \r\n\"Who\'s been eating my porridge!,\" he roars?\r\n\r\nMomma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells -\r\n\"For Pete\'s sake, how many times do we have to go through this?\"\r\n\r\n\"It was \'Momma Bear\' who got up first.\"\r\n\"It was \'Momma Bear\' who woke everybody else in the house up.\"\r\n\"It was \'Momma Bear\' who made the Coffee.\"\r\n\"It was \'Momma Bear\' who unloaded the dishwasher from last night, and put everything away.\"\r\n\"It was \'Momma Bear\' who went out into the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper.\"\r\n\"It was \'Momma Bear\' who set the table.\"\r\n\"It was \'Momma Bear\' who put the cat out, cleaned the litter box and filled the cat\'s water & food dish.\"\r\n\r\n\"And, now that you\'ve decided to come downstairs and grace \'Momma Bear\' with your presence, ...listen good, \'cause I\'m only going to say this one time...\r\n\"I haven\'t made the @!#$%^&* Porridge, yet!!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,94,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1392,14,'The 3 little pigs','Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night.\r\nThe waiter comes and takes their drink order.\r\n\r\n\"I would like a Sprite,\" said the first little piggie.\r\n\"I would like a Coke,\" said the second little piggie.\r\n\"I want water, lots and lots of water,\" said the third little piggie.\r\n\r\nThe drinks are brought out and the waiter takes their orders for dinner.\r\n\r\n\"I want a nice big steak,\" said the first piggie.\r\n\"I would like the salad plate,\" said the second piggie.\r\n\"I want water, lots and lots of water,\" said the third little piggie.\r\n\r\nThe meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.\r\n\r\n\"I want a banana split,\" said the first piggie.\r\n\"I want a root beer float,\" said the second piggie.\r\n\"I want water, lots and lots of water,\" exclaimed the third little piggie.\r\n\r\n\"Pardon me for asking,\" said the waiter, \"but why have you only ordered water?\"\r\n\r\nThe third piggies says -\r\n\"Well, somebody has to go \'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!\'\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,168,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1393,14,'Think you\'re having a bad day!','If you think you\'re having a bad day...read these true stories!\r\n\r\n1. The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, they were both eaten by a killer whale.\r\n\r\n2. A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her repeatedly with an axe leaving her mentally retarded.\r\n\r\n3. In 1992, Frank Perkins of Los Angeles made an attempt on the world flagpole-sitting record. Suffering from the flu he came down eight hours short of the 400 day record, his sponsor had gone bust, his girl friend had left him and his phone and electricity had been cut off.\r\n\r\n4. A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places. Until that moment he had been happily listening to his Walkman.\r\n\r\n5. Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn. Suddenly the pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death.\r\n\r\nAnd finally.......\r\n\r\n6. Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn\'t pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with \"return to sender\" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.',NULL,0.00,NULL,114,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1395,14,'What is God?','One morning at church, the pastor was preaching about what God was and wasn\'t.\r\n\r\nHe said \"God is neither white, nor black. God is neither male nor female.\"\r\n\r\nAfter hearing all this, a curious 5 year old turned to his dad and asked - \"Daddy, is God Michael Jackson?\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,145,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1397,14,'Write and Wrong','A writer dies and reaches the Golden Gates where God gives him a choice to either go to Heaven or Hell. He finds it difficult to make up his mind so he asks God if he can have a little tour of both places.\r\n\r\nGod agrees and they first go to Hell where the writer sees rows and rows of writers, chained to their desks in an overheated room, being whipped if they stopped writing for a second by merciless editors and publishers. This really frightens the writer who then proceeds to Heaven hoping it\'ll be better.\r\n\r\nIn Heaven too he sees rows of writers, chained to their desks in an over heated room, being whipped mercilessly.\r\n\r\nSo he turns to God and says, \"But they\'re both the same!\"\r\nTo which God replies, \"Oh no. Here in Heaven your work gets published!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,153,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1400,14,'Advertisements','1. Illiterate? Write today for free help. \r\n2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you\'ll never go anywhere again. \r\n3. Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals and smacks included. \r\n4. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. \r\n5. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel. \r\n6. Stock up and save. Limit: one. \r\n7. Semi-annual After-Christmas sale. \r\n8. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred. \r\n9. Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating. \r\n10. Dinner special - Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.',NULL,0.00,NULL,143,1,1,2,'4',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1404,14,'Dear Abby','Snappy answers to sappy questions:\r\nAll your puny problems solved in 10 words or less!\r\n\r\nQ: Dear Abby,\r\nWhat can I do about my little brother? He\'s such a pest!\r\nA: Have you tried a flyswatter?\r\n\r\nQ: Dear Abby,\r\nMy boss is a mean, unappreciative slave driver who constantly belittles me. What can I do?\r\nA: Shut up and get back to work!\r\n\r\nQ: Dear Abby,\r\nMy dad insists I clean my room! How can I get out of this?\r\nA: Get a new dad.\r\n\r\nQ: Dear Abby,\r\nWhy are you so lazy?\r\nA: Dear loser, Why are you so stupid? Next question.\r\n\r\nQ: Dear Abby,\r\nHelp! I need to lose weight! How can I stop eating all the fattening foods I love?\r\nA: Send them to me and I\'ll eat them for you.',NULL,0.00,NULL,156,1,1,2,'4',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1405,14,'End of the World Reports','When the end of the world arrives how will the media report it?\r\n\r\nUSA Today:\r\nWE\'RE DEAD\r\n\r\nThe Wall Street Journal:\r\nDOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS\r\n\r\nNational Enquirer:\r\nO.J. AND NICOLE, TOGETHER AGAIN\r\n\r\nPlayboy:\r\nGIRLS OF THE APOCALYPSE\r\n\r\nMicrosoft Systems Journal:\r\nAPPLE LOSES MARKET SHARE\r\n\r\nVictoria\'s Secret Catalog:\r\nOUR FINAL SALE\r\n\r\nSports Illustrated:\r\nGAME OVER\r\n\r\nWired:\r\nTHE LAST NEW THING\r\n\r\nRolling Stone:\r\nTHE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION TOUR\r\n\r\nReaders Digest:\r\n\'BYE\r\n\r\nDiscover Magazine:\r\nHOW WILL THE EXTINCTION OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT AFFECT THE WAY WE VIEW THE COSMOS?\r\n\r\nTV Guide:\r\nDEATH AND DAMNATION: NIELSON RATINGS SOAR!\r\n\r\nLady\'s Home Journal:\r\nLOSE 10 LBS BY JUDGEMENT DAY WITH OUR NEW \"ARMAGEDDON\" DIET!\r\n\r\nAmerica Online:\r\nSYSTEM TEMPORARILY DOWN. TRY CALLING BACK IN 15 MINUTES.\r\n\r\nInc. magazine:\r\nTEN WAYS YOU CAN PROFIT FROM THE APOCALYPSE\r\n\r\nMicrosoft\'s Web Site:\r\nIF YOU DIDN\'T EXPERIENCE THE RAPTURE,DOWNLOAD SOFTWARE PATCH RAPT777.EXE',NULL,0.00,NULL,127,1,1,2,'4',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1415,14,'Retractions by the NY Times in 1998','The Top 13 Retractions Printed by the NY Times in 1998\r\n\r\n13 \"Correction: The cookie recipe in question cost $350, not $250 as previously reported.\"\r\n\r\n12 \"Earlier this year, the Times mistakenly reported that software magnate Bill Gates is a money-hungry, maladapted, socially awkward loser. He is, in fact, a bloodsucking cob-nobbler. The Times regrets the error.\"\r\n\r\n11 \"We wish to apologize for calling the former Australian Prime minister, Paul Keating, the lowest slime-ball in the country. We meant in THEIR country.\"\r\n\r\n10 \"Due to a typographical error yesterday, we mistakenly printed the entire Wall Street Journal under our banner. It should have been the Washington Post. Sorry.\"\r\n\r\n9 \"Okay, so it was a blue dress, not a red skirt. Get off our backs already!\"\r\n\r\n8 \"In Thursday\'s edition of the Times, we erroneously reported the stories of five people who experienced bad luck as a result of not forwarding an e-mail message...\"\r\n\r\n7 \"This mistake will never happen again. We apologize to the Top 5 subscribers, contributors and the list moderator, Chris Whitewater.\"\r\n\r\n6 \"Recently, pop singer George Michael was caught masturbating in a public restroom yesterday. He was not, as reported in this newspaper, actually choking a chicken.\"\r\n\r\n5 \"It has come to the attention of the Times that disk jockey Fred LeFebvre of KISS-FM in Toledo was not actually the recipient of a MacArthur \'Genius Grant.\'\"\r\n\r\n4 \"Evidently, there are no Klingons on Uranus after all. Sorry for the confusion.\"\r\n\r\n3 \"Our article describing O.J. Simpson as \'slashing out\' over the prospect of losing his children contained a regrettable typo...\"\r\n\r\n2 \"As it turns out, the Banana Republic dictatorship is actually just a clothing store.\"\r\n\r\nand Top5\'s Number 1 Other Retraction Printed by the NY Times in 1998...\r\n\r\n1 \"Miss Lewinsky did not give the President a snow job, as reported in some editions yesterday.\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,129,1,1,2,'4',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1417,14,'Star Wars Update Changes','Top Ten Changes to the new Star Wars update\r\n\r\n#10 Tie fighters replaced with black UN helicopters lead by Buotros Buotros Vader.\r\n\r\n#9 Sand People replaced by Michigan Militia members (and still walk single file to hide their numbers).\r\n\r\n#8 Kahn turns out to be Captain Kirk\'s father (whoops, that\'s from the Top Ten new Star Trek movie changes).\r\n\r\n#7 Chewbacca now giggles when you tickle his tummy.\r\n\r\n#6 If you look closely, storm troopers now have Microsoft employee badges.\r\n\r\n#5 Original Jawas: Killed by Storm Troopers for having R2 and C3P0. New Jawas: Killed for pitching yet another lame JAVA product \"concept\".\r\n\r\n#4 Obi Wan\'s name changed to OS/2 Kenobi. Uncle Owen now constantly says \"I think he died X years ago\" where X changes between 10 years before to 10 years in the future. Storm troopers now don\'t kill Uncle Owen but instead appoint him head of the Imperial press.\r\n\r\n#3 Amiga users upset because the new computers in the Death Star are PC\'s when they could have been replaced with a single Amiga 1000 with 512K of ram and still run \"tons faster and do real multitasking unlike those PEE-CEEs\"\r\n\r\n#2 The Canteen now has real rock stars in it. They look as they normally do but still manage to look more alien than the original aliens in there.\r\n\r\n#1 Death Star\'s old slogan: \"Fear this battle station\"\r\nDeath Star\'s NEW slogan: \"Where do you want to go today?\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,148,1,1,2,'4',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1420,14,'The Hollywood/English Dictionary','to schmooze = befriend scum\r\nto pitch = grovel shamelessly\r\nto brainstorm = feign preparedness\r\nto research = procrastinate indefinitely\r\nto network = spread disinformation\r\nto collaborate = argue incessantly\r\nto freelance = collect unemployment\r\n\r\nNOUNS:\r\n\r\nagent = frustrated lawyer\r\nlawyer = frustrated producer\r\nproducer = frustrated writer\r\nwriter = frustrated director\r\ndirector = frustrated actor\r\nactor = frustrated human\r\n\r\nCOMPOUND WORDS:\r\n\r\nhigh-concept = low brow\r\nproduction value = gore\r\nentry-level = pays nothing\r\nhighly qualified = knows the producer\r\nnetwork approved = had made them money\r\n\r\nFINANCIAL TERMS:\r\n\r\nnet = something that apparently doesn\'t exist\r\ngross = Michael Eisner\'s salary\r\nback-end = you, if you think you\'ll ever see it\r\nresiduals = braces for the kids\r\ndeferral = don\'t hold your breath\r\npoints = see \"net\" or \"back-end\"\r\n\r\nCOMMON PHRASES:\r\n\r\nYou can trust me = You must be new\r\nIt needs some polishing = Change everything\r\nIt shows promise = It stinks rotten\r\nIt needs some fine tuning = Change everything\r\nI\'d like some input = I want total control\r\nIt needs some honing = Change everything\r\nCall me back next week = Stay out of my life\r\nIt needs some tightening = Change everything\r\nTry and punch it up = I have no idea what I want\r\nIt needs some streamlining = Change everything\r\nYou\'ll never work in this town again = I have no power whatsoever',NULL,0.00,NULL,184,1,1,2,'4',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1421,14,'Thoughts From Women...','Thoughts From Women About Being A Woman\r\n\r\nThe hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.\r\n* Helen Hayes (at 73)\r\n\r\nI refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrow.\r\n* Janette Barber\r\n\r\nThings are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.\r\n* Lily Tomlin\r\n\r\nA male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.\r\n* Carrie Snow\r\n\r\nOld age ain\'t no place for sissies.\r\n* Bette Davis\r\n\r\nIf you can\'t be a good example, then you\'ll just have to be a horrible warning.\r\n* Catherine Aird\r\n\r\nA man\'s got to do what a man\'s got to do. A woman must do what he can\'t.\r\n* Rhonda Hansome\r\n\r\nThe phrase \"working mother\" is redundant.\r\n* Jane Sellman\r\n\r\nWhatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.\r\n* Charlotte Whitton\r\n\r\nThirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.\r\n* Caryn Leschen\r\n\r\nWhoever thought up the word \"Mammogram\"? Every time I hear it, I think I\'m supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone.\r\n* Jan King\r\n\r\nI try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.\r\n* Jennifer Unlimited\r\n\r\nWhen I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss. And they called ME slow!\r\n* Kathy Buckley\r\n\r\nI\'m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I\'m not dumb and I\'m also not blonde.\r\n* Dolly Parton\r\n\r\nYou see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.\r\n* Erica Jong\r\n\r\nIf high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.\r\n* Sue Grafton\r\n\r\nLaugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.\r\n* Laurie Kuslansky\r\n\r\nI think - therefore I\'m single.\r\n* Lizz Winstead\r\n\r\nYou know the hardest thing about having cerebral palsy and being a woman? It\'s plucking your eyebrows. That\'s how I originally got pierced ears.\r\n* Geri Jewell\r\n\r\nWhen women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.\r\n* Elayne Boosler\r\n\r\nBehind every successful man is a surprised woman.\r\n* Maryon Pearson\r\n\r\nIn politics, if you want anything said, ask a man - if you want anything done, ask a woman.\r\n* Margaret Thatcher\r\n\r\nI have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.\r\n* Gloria Steinem\r\n\r\nI never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home who answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late every night.\r\n* Marie Corelli\r\n\r\nIf men can run the world, why can\'t they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?\r\n* Linda Ellerbee\r\n\r\nNobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.\r\n* Eleanor Roosevelt',NULL,0.00,NULL,144,1,1,2,'4',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1424,14,'Weathermen Are Nuts','From David Letterman - Monday, October 3, 1994\r\nTop Ten Signs your Local TV Weatherman Is Nuts\r\n\r\n10. Every night, his forecast is: \"It\'s raining men, hallelujah!\"\r\n9. Often asks anchorwoman to switch clothes with him.\r\n8. Uses expensive radar equipment to track Michelle Pfeiffer.\r\n7. \"Satellite photos\" look suspiciously like Polaroids of a desk globe.\r\n6. Appears to have the first spring robin in his mouth.\r\n5. Seen checking into a Motel 6 with a half-inflated weather balloon.\r\n4. Every night he says, \"Lordy mama, it\'s gonna rain root beer tomorrow!\"\r\n3. The symbol on his weather map for an arctic cold front is a snowman giving the finger.\r\n2. Looks a lot like this pinhead. (videotape of Dave in his TV weatherman days)\r\n1. He\'s got a tropical storm in his pants.',NULL,0.00,NULL,149,1,1,2,'4',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1425,14,'28','Worlds \"shortest\" books! \r\n\r\n\r\n25. MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS - by O.J. Simpson\r\n24. THE ENGINEER\'S GUIDE TO FASHION\r\n23. TO ALL THE MEN I\'VE LOVED BEFORE - by Ellen DeGeneres\r\n22. THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN REALITY AND DILBERT\r\n21. HUMAN RIGHTS ADVANCES IN CHINA\r\n20. THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY - by Dennis Rodman\r\n19. THE WILD YEARS - by Al Gore\r\n18. AMELIA EARHART\'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC OCEAN\r\n17. AMERICA\'S MOST POPULAR LAWYERS\r\n16. CAREER OPPORTUNITIES FOR LIBERAL ARTS MAJORS\r\n15. DETROIT - A TRAVEL GUIDE\r\n14. DIFFERENT WAYS TO SPELL BOB\r\n13. DR. KEVORKIAN\'S COLLECTION OF MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES\r\n12. EASY UNIX\r\n11. ETHIOPIAN TIPS ON WORLD DOMINANCE AND AGRICULTURE\r\n10. EVERYTHING MEN KNOW ABOUT WOMEN\r\n9. EVERYTHING WOMEN KNOW ABOUT MEN\r\n8. FRENCH HOSPITALITY\r\n7. GEORGE FOREMAN\'S BIG BOOK OF BABY NAMES\r\n6. HOW TO SUSTAIN A MUSICAL CAREER - by Art Garfunkel\r\n5. MIKE TYSON\'S GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE\r\n4. SPOTTED OWL RECIPES - by the EPA\r\n3. STAPLE YOUR WAY TO SUCCESS\r\n2. THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY\r\n\r\nAnd the Number one World\'s Shortest book......\r\n\r\n1. HOW TO OVERCOME TEMPTATION - by Bill Clinton',NULL,0.00,NULL,153,1,1,2,'4',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1427,15,'Aussie Trouser Snake','An Australian Combat Field Engineer Sergeant and a U.S Marine were on exchange duty and were sharing the latrines.\r\n\r\nThe Aussie Sergeant finished first and walked out without washing his hands. The U.S Marine watched in disgust, finished his squirt, washed his hands and walked up to the Aussie Sergeant and said. \" In the U.S Marine Corps we were taught to wash our hands after a leak\". \r\n\r\nThe rather large Aussie Sergeant replied, \" In the Australian Army mate, we were taught not to piss on our hands ...! \"',NULL,0.00,NULL,131,1,1,3,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1428,15,'Bubba and Junior!','Two good ol\' boys, Bubba and Junior get promoted from Privates to Sergeants.\r\nNot long after, they\'re out for a walk and Bubba says, \"Hey, Junior - there\'s the NCO Club. Let\'s you and me stop in and have us a drank.\"\r\n\r\n\"But we\'s privates,\" protests Junior.\r\n\"NO, we\'s sergeants now,\" says Bubba, pulling him inside\r\n\"Now, Junior, I\'m gonna sit down and have me a drank.\"\r\n\"But, we\'s privates,\" says Junior.\r\n\"You blind, boy!\" says Bubba, pointing at his stripes. \"We\'s Sergeants now!\"\r\n\r\nSo they order their drinks and pretty soon a hooker comes up to Bubba.\r\n\"You\'re cute,\" she says, \"and I\'d like to take you someplace and make you feel good -- but I\'ve got a bad case of gonorrhea.\"\r\n\r\nBubba pulls his friend to the side and whispers, \"Junior, go look in the dictionary and see what that gonorrhea means. If it\'s good, give me the okay sign.\"\r\n\r\nJunior goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Bubba the big okay sign.\r\nThree weeks later Bubba is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of gonorrhea.\r\n\"Junior,\" he says, \"What you give me the okay for?!\"\r\n\r\n\"Well Bubba, in the dictionary, it says gonorrhea only affects the privates.\"\r\nThen he pointed to his stripes and says, \"But we\'s Sergeants now!',NULL,0.00,NULL,141,1,1,3,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1435,15,'On the Train','A WW II American soldier had been on the front lines in Europe for three months when he was finally given a week of R&R. He caught a supply boat to a base in the south of England, then caught a train to London. The train was extremely crowded and he could not find a seat. He was dead on his feet and walked the length of the train looking for any place to sit.\r\n\r\nFinally he found a compartment with seats facing each other. There was room for two people on each seat. On one side sat only a proper looking, older British lady, with a small dog sitting in the empty seat beside her. \"Could I please sit in that seat\" he asked. \r\n\r\nThe lady was insulted. \"You Americans are so rude\" she said, \"can\'t you see my dog is sitting there\"?\r\n\r\nHe walked through the train more and still could not find a seat. He found himself back at the same place. \"Lady, I love dogs - have a couple at home - so I would be glad to hold your dog if I could sit down\" he said.\r\n\r\nThe lady replied, \"You Americans are not only rude you are arrogant\" she said. \r\n\r\nHe leaned against the wall for a time, but was so tired he finally said, \"Lady, I\'ve been on the front lines in Europe for three months with not a decent rest for all that time. Could I please sit there and hold your dog?\" \r\n\r\nThe lady replied, \"You Americans are not only rude and arrogant, you are also obnoxious.\"\r\n\r\nWith that comment, the soldier calmly stepped in, picked up the dog, threw it out the widow, and sat down.\r\n\r\nThe lady was speechless.\r\n\r\nAn older, neatly dressed Englishman sitting across on the other seat spoke up. \r\n\r\n\"Young man, I do not know if all you Americans fit the lady\'s description of you or not. But I do know that you Americans do a lot of things wrong. You drive on the wrong side of the road, you hold your fork with the wrong hand, and now you have just thrown the wrong bitch out of the window!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,146,1,1,3,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1436,15,'Soldier\'s Ambition','An army Major visiting the sick soldiers, went to one private and asked, \"What\'s your problem, Soldier?\"\r\n\r\n\"Chronic syphilis, Sir.\"\r\n\"What treatment are you getting?\"\r\n\"Five minutes with the wire brush each day.\"\r\n\"What\'s your ambition?\"\r\n\"To get back to the front, Sir.\"\r\n\"Good man,\" said the Major.\r\n\r\nHe went to the next bed, \"What\'s your problem, Soldier?\"\r\n\"Chronic piles, Sir.\"\r\n\"What treatment are you getting?\"\r\n\"Five minutes with the wire brush each day.\"\r\n\"What\'s your ambition?\"\r\n\"To get back to the front, Sir.\"\r\n\"Good man,\" barked the Major.\r\n\r\nHe moved to the next bed, \"What\'s your problem, Soldier?\"\r\n\"Chronic gum disease, Sir\"\r\n\"What treatment are you getting?\"\r\n\"Five minutes with the wire brush each day.\"\r\n\"What\'s your ambition?\"\r\n\"To get the wire brush before the other two, Sir!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,124,1,1,3,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1437,15,'Stand Still, Soldier!','Military training:\r\n\r\nDuring camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general.\r\n\r\n\"You simpleton!\" the officer barked. \"Don\'t you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?\"\r\n\r\n\"Yes sir,\" the solder answered apologetically. \"But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice and I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches but when two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the bigger say,\r\n\r\n\"Let\'s eat one now and save the other until winter\' ---that did it!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,149,1,1,3,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1439,15,'Army Wisdom','A Purple Heart proves three things: you were smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.\r\n\r\n10 second fuses only last 7 seconds.\r\nAnything you do can get you shot, even doing nothing.\r\nClaymores are labeled \"This side toward enemy\" for a reason.\r\nDon\'t draw fire, it irritates the people around you.\r\n\r\nDon\'t ever be the first, don\'t ever be the last and don\'t ever, ever volunteer to do anything.\r\n\r\nDon\'t look conspicuous: it draws fire.\r\nIf it\'s stupid but works, it really isn\'t stupid.\r\nIf the enemy is in range, so are you.\r\nIf the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is *not* our friend.\r\nIf you can\'t remember, the claymore is pointed at you.\r\nIf your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.\r\nIncoming fire has the right of way.\r\n\r\nIt is generally unadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.\r\nMake it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can\'t get out.\r\nMines are equal opportunity weapons.\r\nNever share a fox hole with anyone braver than you.\r\nProfessionals are predictable, it\'s the amateurs that are dangerous.\r\nTeamwork is essential; it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at.\r\nThe easy way is always mined.\r\n\r\nThe enemy invariably attacks on one of two occasions:\r\na. When you\'re not ready for them.\r\nb. When you\'re ready for them.\r\nEither time is inconvenient and generally a bummer.\r\n\r\nThe only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.\r\nThe quartermaster has only two sizes: too large and too small.\r\nTry to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.\r\nWhen in doubt empty the magazine.',NULL,0.00,NULL,144,1,1,2,'4',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1441,15,'Hit Television Shows in Iraq','\"Husseinfeld\"\r\n\"Mad About Everything\"\r\n\"U.S. Military Secrets Revealed\"\r\n\"Suddenly Sanctions\"\r\n\"Allah McBeal\"\r\n\"Children Are Forbidden From Saying Anything Darndest\"\r\n\"Matima Loves Chachi\"\r\n\"The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show\"\r\n\"Buffy The Slayer of Yankee Imperialist Dogs\"\r\n\"Wheel of Fortune and Terror\"\r\n\"Iraq\'s Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers\"\r\n\"Achmed\'s Creek\"\r\n\"The Price is Right If Saddam Says It\'s Right\"\r\nM*U*S*T*A*S*H\r\n\"Veronica\'s Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses\"\r\n\"Two Guys, a Girl, and a Mosque\"\r\n\"When Kurds Attack\"\r\n\"Just Shoot Me\"\r\n\"My Two Baghdads\"\r\n\"Captured Iranian Soldiers Say the Darndest Things\"\r\n\"Two Guys, a Girl and a Fatwah\"\r\n\"Totally Clothed Baywatch\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,162,1,1,2,'4',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1442,15,'Military Wisdom!','1. If the enemy is in range, so are you.\r\n2. Incoming fire has the right of way.\r\n3. Don\'t look conspicuous: it draws fire.\r\n4. The easy way is always mined.\r\n5. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.\r\n6. Professionals are predictable, it\'s the amateurs that are dangerous.\r\n7. The enemy invariably attacks on one of two occasions:\r\nWhen you\'re ready for them.\r\nWhen you\'re not ready for them.\r\n8. Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at. \r\n9. If you can\'t remember, the claymore is pointed at you.\r\n10. If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.\r\n11. Don\'t draw fire, it irritates the people around you.\r\n12. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.\r\n13. When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.\r\n14. If it\'s stupid but works, it isn\'t stupid.\r\n15. When in doubt empty the magazine.\r\n16. Never share a fox hole with anyone braver than you.\r\n17. Anything you do can get you shot. Including doing dothing.\r\n18. Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can\'t get out.\r\n19. Mines are equal opportunity weapons.\r\n20. A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.\r\n21. Don\'t ever be the first, don\'t ever be the last and don\'t ever volunteer to do anything.\r\n22. The quartermaster has only two sizes: too large and too small.\r\n23. Five second fuses only last three seconds.\r\n24. It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.',NULL,0.00,NULL,143,1,1,2,'4',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1443,15,'US Air Force Humor!','\"Squawks\" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some squawks submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. \r\n\r\n(P)=PROBLEM (S)=SOLUTION \r\n\r\n(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement \r\n(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire \r\n\r\n(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough \r\n(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft \r\n\r\n(P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid \r\n(S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers \r\nlack normal seepage \r\n\r\n(P) Something loose in cockpit \r\n(S) Something tightened in cockpit \r\n\r\n(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear \r\n(S) Evidence removed \r\n\r\n(P) DME volume unbelievably loud \r\n(S) Volume set to more believable level \r\n\r\n(P) Dead bugs on windshield \r\n(S) Live bugs on order \r\n\r\n(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent\r\n(S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground \r\n\r\n(P) IFF inoperative \r\n(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode \r\n(IFF-Identification Friend or Foe) \r\n\r\n(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick \r\n(S) That\'s what they\'re there for \r\n\r\n(P) Number three engine missing \r\n(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search \r\n\r\n(P) Aircraft handles funny \r\n(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, \"fly right\" and be serious!\r\n\r\n(P) Target Radar hums \r\n(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics',NULL,0.00,NULL,120,1,1,2,'4',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1444,15,'13 Sick Soldiers...','An army Major visits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks -\r\n\"What\'s your problem, Soldier?\"\r\n\"Chronic syphilis, Sir!\"\r\n\"What treatment are you getting?\"\r\n\"Five minutes with the wire brush each day, Sir!\"\r\n\"What\'s your ambition?\"\r\n\"To get back to the front lines, Sir!\"\r\n\"Good man!\" says the Major.\r\n\r\nHe goes to the next bed.\r\n\"What\'s your problem, Soldier?\"\r\n\"Chronic piles, Sir!\"\r\n\"What treatment are you getting?\"\r\n\"Five minutes with the wire brush each day, Sir!\"\r\n\"What\'s your ambition?\"\r\n\"To get back to the front lines, Sir!\"\r\n\"Good man!\" says the Major.\r\n\r\nHe goes to the next bed.\r\n\"What\'s your problem, Soldier?\"\r\n\"Chronic gum disease, Sir!\"\r\n\"What treatment are you getting?\"\r\n\"Five minutes with the wire brush each day, Sir!\"\r\n\"What\'s your ambition?\"\r\n\"To get to the front of the line and get the wire brush before the other two - Sir!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,151,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1445,15,'Alter Your Course!','This is an actual radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval\r\nOperations, 10-10-95, MSG#H0000115020ecb52EMHS \r\n\r\n#1: \"Please divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.\"\r\n#2: \"Recommend that you change YOUR course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.\"\r\n\r\n#1: \"This is the captain of a U.S. navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.\"\r\n#2: \"No, I say again divert YOUR course.\"\r\n\r\n#1: \"This is the aircraft carrier Enterprise, we are a large warship of the U.S. navy. Divert your course NOW!\"\r\n#2: \"This is a lighthouse. Your call?\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,133,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1446,15,'Always on Duty','A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were\r\nclear: No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the\r\nwindshield. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back.\r\nThe sentry said, \"Halt, who goes there?\"\r\n\r\nThe chauffeur, a corporal, says, \"General Wheeler.\"\r\n\r\n\"I\'m sorry, I can\'t let you through. You\'ve got to have a sticker on\r\nthe windshield.\"\r\n\r\nThe general said, \"Drive on!\"\r\n\r\nThe sentry said, \"Hold it! You really can\'t come through. I have\r\norders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker.\"\r\n\r\nThe general repeated, \"I\'m telling you, son, drive on!\"\r\n\r\nThe sentry walked up to the rear window and said, \"General, I\'m new at\r\nthis. Do I shoot you or the the driver?\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,159,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1447,15,'Army vs. Marines!','Two Marines boarded a quick shuttle flight out of Dallas, headed for Houston.\r\nOne sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat.\r\n\r\nJust before take-off, an Army soldier got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Marines.\r\n\r\nThe Soldier kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Marine in the window seat said, \"I think I\'ll get up and get a coke.\"\r\n\"No problem,\" said the Soldier, \"I\'ll get it for you.\"\r\n\r\nWhile he was gone, the Marine picked up the Soldier\'s shoe and spit in it. When the Soldier returned with the coke, the Marine in the middle seat said, \"That looks good, I think I\'ll have one too.\"\r\n\r\nAgain, the Soldier obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the Marine picked up the soldier\'s other shoe and spit in it. The Soldier returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the rest of the short flight to Houston.\r\n\r\nAs the plane was landing, the Soldier slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.\r\n\r\n\"How long must this go on?\" the Soldier asked.\r\n\r\n\"This fighting between our services? This hatred? This animosity?\r\nThis spitting in shoes and peeing in cokes?\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,147,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1448,15,'Battle on the Ocean','Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, \'Bring me my red shirt!\'\r\n\r\nThe First Mate quickly retrieved the captain\'s red shirt, which the captain put on and led the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled.\r\n\r\nLater that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain, calm as ever bellowed, \'Bring me my red shirt!\'\r\n\r\nAnd once again the battle was on. However, the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred.\r\n\r\nWeary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day\'s occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, \'Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?\'\r\n\r\nThe Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, \'If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid.\'\r\nThe men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man.\r\n\r\nAs dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. \r\nThe men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command.\r\nThe Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, \'Bring me my brown pants!\' ',NULL,0.00,NULL,135,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1449,15,'Dear John Reply','The soldier serving overseas and far from home was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back.\r\n\r\nA creative fellow, he went out and collected from his buddies all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them to her with a note stating the following:\r\n\r\n\"Dear Mary,\r\n\r\nI can not remember which one is you ... please keep YOUR photo and return the others!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,131,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1452,15,'Not me Sarge!','A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, \"I guess when I die you\'ll come and dance on my grave.\" \r\n\r\nThe cadet replied, \"Not me, Sarge...no sir!\r\nI promised myself that when I got out of the Army I\'d never stand in another line!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,121,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1453,15,'On the high seas!','A merchant captain and several of his officers were returning to the ship after an evening of partying ashore.\r\n\r\nAs they climbed the gangway, the captain threw up all over himself. Pointing to an apprentice seaman above, him he shouted, \"Give that man five days in the brig for vomiting!\"\r\n\r\nThe following morning the captain was checking the log and saw that the young seaman had been sentenced to ten days and asked the chief mate why.\r\n\r\n\"Well Sir, when we got you undressed we found that he\'d also took a dump in your pants.\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,122,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1454,15,'People who don\'t believe in retaliation...','What to do if you fall into a conversation with someone about the terrorist attacks who doesn\'t believe in retaliation:\r\n\r\n1. Engage in conversation, and ask if military force is appropriate.\r\n\r\n2. When he says \"No,\" ask, \"Why not?\"\r\n\r\n3. Wait until he says something to the effect of \"Because that would just cause more innocent deaths, which would be awful and we should not cause more violence.\"\r\n\r\n4. When he\'s in mid sentence, punch him in the face as hard as you can.\r\n\r\n5. When he gets back up to punch you, point out that it would be a mistake and contrary to his values to strike you, because that would be awful and he should not cause more violence.\r\n\r\n6. Wait until he agrees, and has pledged not to commit additional violence.\r\n\r\n7. Punch him in the face again, harder this time.\r\n\r\n8. Repeat steps 5 through 8 until he understands that sometimes it is necessary to punch back.',NULL,0.00,NULL,119,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1455,15,'Role Reversal','A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. On previous visits she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands.\r\n\r\nShe observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives!\r\n\r\nShe approached one of the women for an explanation: \"What enabled women here to achieve this marvellous reversal of roles?\" \r\n\r\n\"Land mines,\" replied the Kuwaiti woman.',NULL,0.00,NULL,132,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1456,15,'Saved Your Privates','A soldier goes into the hospital for surgery after being wounded in battle.\r\n\r\nWaking up from the anesthesia he sees his doctor standing at his bedside. \"So tell me Doc, what did you do to me?\"\r\n\r\nThe doctor says, \"Son, we have some good news and some bad news.\" \r\n\r\n\"Yeah, what?\" replies the patient. \r\n\r\n\"Well the good news is that we were able to save your private parts.\" \r\n\r\n\"Yes, that is good news Doc, but what about the bad news?\"\r\n\r\n\"We put them under your pillow!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,154,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1458,15,'Sick and Pompous General','The general was confined to the military hospital for treatment of a minor malady.\r\n\r\nFor almost a week he made a complete nuisance of himself, irritating both staff and the other patients, demanding attention and expecting his every order to be followed immediately. He was in a six-man ward rather than a private room, his meals were too cold or not served to suit his taste, the light needed to be adjusted to his demands, the nighttime activities interfered with his rest... and on, and on.\r\n\r\nOne afternoon an orderly entered the room. \"Time to take your temperature, General.\"\r\n\r\nAfter growling at the orderly, the general opened his mouth to accept the thermometer.\r\n\r\n\"Sorry, General, but for this test we need your temperature from the other end.\"\r\n\r\nA whole new barrage of verbal abuse followed, but the orderly was insistent that a rectal temperature was what the test called for.\r\n\r\nThe general at last rolled over, bared his rear, and allowed the orderly to proceed. The orderly then told the general, \"Stay exactly like that and don\'t move. I\'ll be back in five minutes to check up on you\" and withdrew.\r\n\r\nAn hour later, the head nurse entered the room, saw the general with his bare rear in the air and gasped, \"What\'s going on here?\"\r\n\r\n\"Haven\'t you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?\" the general barked.\r\n\r\n\"Yes I have, General, but with a daffodil?\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,114,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1460,15,'Standing Still','During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general.\r\n\r\n\"You simpleton!\" the officer barked. \"Don\'t you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?\"\r\n\r\n\"Yes sir,\" the solder answered apologetically. \"But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice. And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches. But when two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the bigger say, \"Let\'s eat one now and save the other until winter\' ---that did it!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,151,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1461,15,'The General\'s Temperature','The general was confined to the military hospital for treatment of a minor malady. \r\n\r\nFor almost a week he made a complete nuisance of himself, irritating both staff and the other patients, demanding attention and expecting his every order to be followed immediately. \r\n\r\nHe was in a six-man ward rather than a private room, his meals were too cold or not served to suit his taste, the light needed to be adjusted to his demands, the nighttime activities interfered with his rest... and on, and on.\r\n\r\nOne afternoon an orderly entered the room. \"Time to take your temperature, General.\"\r\n\r\nAfter growling at the orderly, the general opened his mouth to accept the thermometer.\r\n\r\n\"Sorry, General, but for this test we need your temperature from the other end.\"\r\n\r\nA whole new barrage of verbal abuse followed, but the orderly was insistent that a rectal temperature was what the test called for.\r\n\r\nThe general at last rolled over, bared his rear, and allowed the orderly to proceed. The orderly then told the general, \"Stay exactly like that and don\'t move. I\'ll be back in five minutes to check up on you\" and withdrew.\r\n\r\nAn hour later, the head nurse entered the room, saw the general with his bare rear in the air and gasped, \"What\'s going on here?\"\r\n\r\n\"Haven\'t you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?\" the general barked.\r\n\r\n\"Yes I have, General, but with a daffodil?\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,139,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1462,15,'The Interview','Note: This is an extract of a National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster, and US Army General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.\r\n\r\nINTERVIEWER: \" So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?\"\r\nGENERAL REINWALD: We\'re going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.\"\r\n\r\nINTERVIEWER: \"Shooting! that\'s a bit irresponsible, isn\'t it?\"\r\nGENERAL REINWALD: \"I don\'t see why, they\'ll be properly supervised on the rifle range.\"\r\n\r\nINTERVIEWER: \"Don\'t you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?\"\r\nGENERAL REINWALD: \"I don\'t see how, ....we will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.\"\r\n\r\nINTERVIEWER: \"But you\'re equipping them to become violent killers.\"\r\nGENERAL REINWALD: \"Well, you\'re equipped to be a prostitute, but you\'re not one, are you?\"\r\nThe radio went silent and the interview ended.',NULL,0.00,NULL,155,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1463,15,'The last laugh!','Several years ago, after having Japanese executives from the automotive industry tour a Ford Plant, they held a press conference in which one of the Japanese execs claimed that the American workers were slow and lazy.\r\n\r\nNot long after, a friend sent me a picture of a bumper sticker on a truck at the Ford plant.\r\n\r\nIt read - \"We may be slow and lazy, but we build a damn good bomb!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,137,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1465,15,'The Recruits','Ten Recruits had just arrived at the training camp and were lined up for inspection.\r\n\r\n\"Hey johnson!\" yelled the drill instructor, \" those are the ugliest shoes i\'ve ever seen! \"\r\n\"Yes, sir\" the young man answered.\r\n\r\n\"Those shoes are really really ugly, right?\" hollered the D.I again\r\n\"Yes, sir!\"\r\n\r\n\"And that hair- dont they have barbershops where you came from?\"\r\n\"Yes, sir\", answered the recruit.\r\n\"So why didnt you get a haircut?\"\r\n\"I was saving up for shoes, sir!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,129,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1466,15,'Two Terrorists','Two terrorists are chatting. One of them has his wallet out and is flipping through pictures. \"Yeah, this is my oldest. He\'s a martyr. Here\'s my second son. He\'s a martyr, too.\"\r\n\r\nThere\'s a pause.\r\n\r\nThen, the second terrorist says, wistfully: \"Ah, they blow up so fast, don\'t they?\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,142,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1467,15,'Wooden Airfield','An enemy decoy, built in occupied Holland, led to a tale that has been told and retold ever since by veteran Allied pilots. The German \"airfield,\" constructed with meticulous care, was made almost entirely of wood. There were wooden hangars, oil tanks, gun emplacements, trucks, and aircraft.\r\n\r\nThe Germans took so long in building their wooden decoy that Allied photo experts had more than enough time to observe and report it.\r\n\r\nThe day finally came when the decoy was finished, down to the last wooden plank. Early the following morning, a lone RAF plane crossed the Channel, came in low, circled the field once, and dropped a large wooden bomb.',NULL,0.00,NULL,141,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1469,16,'Cool Bumper Stickers!','1) God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n2) I don\'t have a license to kill. I have a learner\'s permit.\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n3) I wasn\'t born a bitch. Men like you made me this way.\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n4) Keep honking while I reload.\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n5) Taxation WITH representation isn\'t so hot, either!\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n6) Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n7) 5 days/week my body is a temple. The other two, it\'s an amusement park.\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n8) EARTH FIRST! We\'ll stripmine the other planets later.\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n9) Your child may be an honor student but you\'re still an idiot.\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n10) If you drink, don\'t park. Accidents cause people.\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n11) If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n12) Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n13) My wife complains I never listen to her...or something like that.\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n14) Sure you can trust the government! Just ask a Native American!\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n15) If we are what we eat; I\'m cheap, fast, and easy.\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n16) Stop repeat offenders. Don\'t re-elect them!',NULL,0.25,4,1523,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1470,16,'Daffynitions!','Arbitrator ar\'-bi-tray-ter: \r<BR>\nA cook that leaves Arby\'s to work at McDonald\'s. \r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nAvoidable uh-voy\'-duh-buhl: \r<BR>\nWhat a Italian bullfighter tries to do. \r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nBaloney uh-lo\'-nee: \r<BR>\nWhere some hemlines fall. \r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nBernadette urn\'-a-det: \r<BR>\nThe act of torching a mortgage. \r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nBurglarize ur\'-gler-ize: \r<BR>\nWhat a crook sees with. \r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nCounterfeiters kown-ter-fit-ers: \r<BR>\nWorkers who put together kitchen cabinets. \r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nEclipse e-klips\': \r<BR>\nWhat an English barber does for a living. \r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nEyedropper i\'-drop-ur: \r<BR>\nA clumsy ophthalmologist. \r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nHeroes hee\'-rhos: \r<BR>\nWhat a guy in a boat does. \r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nLeft Bank left\' bangk\': \r<BR>\nWhat the robber did when his bag was full of loot. \r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nMisty mis\'-tee: \r<BR>\nHow golfers create divots. \r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nParadox par\'-uh-doks: \r<BR>\nTwo physicians. \r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nParasites par\'-uh-sites: \r<BR>\nWhat you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower. \r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nPharmacist farm\'-uh-sist: \r<BR>\nA helper on the farm. \r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nPolarize po\'-lur-ize: \r<BR>\nWhat penguins see with.',NULL,1.00,2,694,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1474,16,'VanGogh Family','Vincent Van Gogh had a really large family. Here\'s a listing of some of the lessor known ones...\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe grandfather who moved to Yugoslavia ........ U. Gogh\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe brother who bleached all his clothes white .. Hue Gogh\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe sister who wore a mini skirt to dance in bars ... Go Gogh\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe real obnoxious brother .......... Please Gogh\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe brother who ate prunes ............ Gotta Gogh\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe uncle who worked at a convenience store ....... Stop N Gogh\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nHis dizzy aunt ............. Verti Gogh\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe cousin that moved to Illinois ......... Chicah Gogh\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nHis magician uncle .............. Wherediddy Gogh\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe cousin who lived in Mexico .......... Amee Gogh\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nAnother cousin who lived in Mexico ......... Green Gogh\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nNephew that drove a stage coach .......... Wells Far Gogh\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nAunt who was a good dancer .............. Tan Gogh',NULL,0.00,NULL,335,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1475,16,'Very Short Books','Very Short Books...\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n1) Outdoor activities in Chernobyl\r<BR>\n2) Hot Scenic Real-estate opportunities on top of Mt St. Helens\r<BR>\n3) Investment opportunities in worm futures for the deceased\r<BR>\n4) Ballerina lessons for men with size 13 or larger feet\r<BR>\n5) Defensive Driving tips for the Blind\r<BR>\n6) Contraceptive tips for Nuns\r<BR>\n7) Delicious Beef Recipes for Hindus\r<BR>\n8) Mutual Fund Investment strategies for compulsive gamblers\r<BR>\n9) Cooking with Pork Fat for Vegetarians\r<BR>\n10) GreenPeace Guide for Buying Quality Baby Seal coats\r<BR>\n11) GreenPeace Guide to Preparing Fast & Easy Whale Dishes\r<BR>\n12) Jewish and Arab Friendship Customs\r<BR>\n13) Human Rights organizations in Libya\r<BR>\n14) Democracy Debate clubs in Cuba\r<BR>\n15) Applying for Tibetan Vendors Permits\r<BR>\n16) Applying for Flight Clearance over The White House\r<BR>\n17) Guide to Redneck Gay Bars\r<BR>\n18) Guide to NeoNazis Jewish Friendship Centers\r<BR>\n19) Famous Native American Judges, Senators and Presidents\r<BR>\n20) Famous Black Canadian Hockey Players\r<BR>\n21) Famous Hillbilly Physics\r<BR>\n22) Guide to apply for Pan Handling Permit in Singapore\r<BR>\n23) Street guide to most original graffiti in Singapore\r<BR>\n24) Country Singers who have appeared at Carnegie Hall\r<BR>\n25) Sports Illustrated\'s Gay Mens Swimsuit Edition\r<BR>\n26) How to start you own part time Hospital from home\r<BR>\n27) Guide to Gay NBA, NFL, AFL & NHL Teams\r<BR>\n28) E-mail address directory for the homeless\r<BR>\n29) All Night Libyan Moshe pits\r<BR>\n30) List of Fine Wines from Iran',NULL,0.00,NULL,481,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1477,16,'Vincent Van Gogh\'s relatives:','After much careful research, it has been discovered that the artist Vincent Van Gogh had many relatives.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nAmong them were:\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nHis obnoxious brother.............................. Please Gogh\r<BR>\nHis dizzy aunt..................................... Verti Gogh\r<BR>\nThe brother who ate prunes..........................Gotta Gogh\r<BR>\nThe constipated uncle.............................. Cant Gogh\r<BR>\nThe brother who worked at a convenience store.......Stopn Gogh\r<BR>\nThe grandfather from Yugoslavia.....................U Gogh\r<BR>\nThe brother who bleached his clothes white..........Hue Gogh\r<BR>\nThe cousin from Illinois............................Chica Gogh\r<BR>\nHis magician uncle..................................Wherediddy Gogh\r<BR>\nHis Italian uncle.......................................Day Gogh\r<BR>\nHis Mexican cousin..................................Amee Gogh\r<BR>\nThe Mexican cousin\'s American half brother..........Grin Gogh\r<BR>\nThe nephew who drove a stage coach................. Wellsfar Gogh\r<BR>\nThe ballroom dancing aunt...........................Tan Gogh\r<BR>\nA sister who loved disco............................Go Gogh\r<BR>\nThe bird lover uncle................................Flamin Gogh\r<BR>\nHis nephew psychoanalyst............................E Gogh\r<BR>\nThe fruit loving cousin.............................Man Gogh\r<BR>\nAn aunt who taught positive thinking................Wayto Gogh\r<BR>\nThe little bouncy nephew............................Poe Gogh\r<BR>\nAnd his niece who travels the country in a van......Winnie Bay Gogh',NULL,0.33,3,872,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1478,16,'Warning Labels On Booze!','THE MINISTRY OF HEALTH HAS PROPOSED THAT WARNING SIGNS BE PLACED ON BOOZE BOTTLES TO TIP OFF DRINKERS ABOUT THE POSSIBLE PERIL OF POUNDING A PINT OR TWO.\r\n\r\n1. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with breath that could knock a buzzard off a sewer truck at 100 yards.\r\n\r\n2. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.\r\n\r\n3. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.\r\n\r\n4. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.\r\n\r\n5. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you REALLY think while photocopying your butt at the office Christmas party.\r\n\r\n6. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.\r\n\r\n7. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell ever happened to your pants anyway.\r\n\r\n8. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can\'t remember).\r\n\r\n9. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.\r\n\r\n10. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho.',NULL,0.00,NULL,507,1,1,1,'3',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1480,16,'What my Mom taught me','All the things my mother taught me:\r\n\r\nMy mom taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -\r\n\"If you\'re going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!\"\r\n\r\nMy mother taught me RELIGION -\r\n\"You better pray that will come out of the carpet.\"\r\n\r\nMy mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:\r\n\"If you don\'t straighten up, I\'m going to knock you into the middle of next week!\"\r\n\r\nMy mother taught me LOGIC:\r\n\"Because I said so, that\'s why.\"\r\n\r\nMy mother taught me FORESIGHT -\r\n\"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you\'re in an accident.\"\r\n\r\nMy mother taught me IRONY -\r\n\"Keep laughing and I\'ll *give* you something to cry out.\"\r\n\r\nMy mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS -\r\n\"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!\"\r\n\r\nMy mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM -\r\n\"Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!\"\r\n\r\nMy mother taught me about STAMINA -\r\n\"You\'ll sit there \'til all that spinach is finished.\"\r\n\r\nMy mother taught me about WEATHER -\r\n\"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room.\"\r\n\r\nMy mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS -\r\n\"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?\"\r\n\r\nMy mother taught me about HYPOCRISY -\r\n\"If I\'ve told you once, I\'ve told you a million times - don\'t exaggerate!!!\"\r\n\r\nMy mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE -\r\n\"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.\"\r\n\r\nMy mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION -\r\nStop acting like your father!\"\r\n\r\nMy mother taught me about ENVY -\r\n\"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don\'t have wonderful parents like you do!\"',NULL,10.00,1,9578,1,1,1,'3',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1481,16,'Why, why, Tell me WHY?','WHY ? ......\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks? \r<BR>\n2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand? \r<BR>\n3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? \r<BR>\n4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? \r<BR>\n5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack? \r<BR>\n6. Why does \"slow down\" and \"slow up\" mean the same thing? \r<BR>\n7. Why does \"fat chance\" and \"slim chance\" mean the same thing? \r<BR>\n8. Why do \'tug\' boats push their barges? \r<BR>\n9. Why do we sing \"Take me out to the ball game\" when we are already there?\r<BR>\n10. Why are they called \"stands\" when they are made for sitting? \r<BR>\n11. Why is it call \"after dark\" when it really is \"after light\" ? \r<BR>\n12. Doesn\'t \'expecting the unexpected\" make the unexpected expected? \r<BR>\n13. Why are a \'wise man\' and a \'wise guy\' opposites? \r<BR>\n14. Why do \'overlook and \'oversee\' mean opposite things? \r<BR>\n15. Why is phonics not spelled the way it sounds? \r<BR>\n16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it? \r<BR>\n17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? \r<BR>\n18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? \r<BR>\n19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right? \r<BR>\n20. Why is bra singular and panties plural? \r<BR>\n21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead? \r<BR>\n22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase? \r<BR>\n23. How come abbreviated is such a long word? \r<BR>\n24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren\'t we clean when we use them? \r<BR>\n25. Why doesn\'t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?',NULL,10.00,1,1579,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1482,16,'Words of wisdom','All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.\r<BR>\nEarly bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese\r<BR>\nQuantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of\r<BR>\nI almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met\r<BR>\nOK, so what\'s the speed of dark?\r<BR>\nHow do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?\r<BR>\nIf everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.\r<BR>\nSupport bacteria - they\'re the only culture some people have\r<BR>\nDepression is merely anger without enthusiasm\r<BR>\nWhen everything\'s coming your way, you\'re in the wrong lane.\r<BR>\nAmbition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.\r<BR>\nHard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.\r<BR>\nThe only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.\r<BR>\nEveryone has a photographic memory. Some don\'t have film.\r<BR>\nShin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.\r<BR>\nMany people quit looking for work when they find a job.\r<BR>\nI intend to live forever - so far, so good\r<BR>\nJoin the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.\r<BR>\nEnergizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.\r<BR>\nIf Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?\r<BR>\nEagles may soar, but weasels don\'t get sucked into jet engines\r<BR>\nI\'m not cheap, but I am on special this week\r<BR>\nI drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol\r<BR>\nI love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy\r<BR>\nIf you ain\'t makin\' waves, you ain\'t kickin\' hard enough!\r<BR>\nMental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!\r<BR>\nMind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States\r<BR>\nTelevangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.\r<BR>\nGive a man a free hand and he\'ll run it all over you.\r<BR>\nIf I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.\r<BR>\nBeauty is in the eye of the beer holder ...\r<BR>\n24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence?\r<BR>\nDancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.\r<BR>\nWhen I\'m not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.',NULL,0.00,NULL,472,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1484,16,'Zen Quotes','1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either; just #$%^ off and leave me alone.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n3. It\'s always darkest before dawn. So if you\'re going to steal your neighbor\'s newspaper, that\'s the time to do it.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n4. Don\'t be irreplaceable; if you can\'t be replaced, you can\'t be promoted.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n5. No one is listening until you make a mistake.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n6. Always remember you\'re unique, just like everyone else.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n7. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n8. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n9. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n10. If you think nobody cares if you\'re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n11. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you\'re a mile away and you have their shoes.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n12. If at first you don\'t succeed, skydiving is not for you.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n13. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n14. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n15. Don\'t squat with your spurs on.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n17. If you drink, don\'t park; accidents cause people.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n18. Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n19. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n20. Duct tape is like the force; it has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.',NULL,0.00,NULL,381,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1485,16,'A Day in the life of two trees','Tree 1 \"Hey look, Mother Nature\'s coming!\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nTree 2 \"Look busy.\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,419,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1487,16,'Bad Day?','When you\'re having a bad day and it seems like people are trying to piss you off, just remember: it takes 42 muscles to frown, and only 4 to pull the trigger of a decent sniper rifle.',NULL,0.00,NULL,478,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1488,16,'Bathroom Joke','Q. If you\'re American in the kitchen, what are you in the bathroom?\r<BR>\nA. European.',NULL,1.00,1,530,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1491,16,'Cheap Rooms 4 Rent','Innkeeper: The room is $15 a night. It\'s $5 if you\'ll make your own bed.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nGuest: I\'ll make my own bed.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nInnkeeper: Good. I\'ll get you some nails and wood.',NULL,0.00,NULL,405,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1496,16,'How do crazy people get through the forest?','How do crazy people get through the forest?\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThey take the psycho path.',NULL,0.00,NULL,428,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1497,16,'How do you cure...','How do you cure constipation?\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nSit on a block of cheese and swallow a mouse!',NULL,0.00,NULL,478,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1498,16,'How do you double the value of a Ford Pinto?','How do you double the value of a Ford Pinto?\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nFill the gas tank!',NULL,0.00,NULL,288,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1499,16,'Illiterate?','Illiterate? No problem!\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWrite for free advice.',NULL,0.00,NULL,332,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1500,16,'Indifference','Indifference will be the downfall of mankind, but who cares?',NULL,0.00,NULL,349,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1503,16,'Mistakes','I never make the same mistake twice--I\'m too busy making new ones.',NULL,0.00,NULL,328,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1504,16,'Mime in the forest','If a tree falls in a forest, and lands on a mime... does anyone care?',NULL,0.00,NULL,241,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1505,16,'My King Henry joke','Q: What would king Henry VIII be doing if he was alive right now?\r<BR>\nA: Scratching at the lid of his coffin of course!!!',NULL,0.00,NULL,264,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1507,16,'Relief','How do you spell relief? \r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nAnswer: F A R T',NULL,0.00,NULL,329,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1510,16,'Telepath wanted','Help Wanted: Telepath. \r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nYou know where to apply.',NULL,0.00,NULL,295,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1511,16,'The Ford Slogan','Have you driven a Ford lately?\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nYeh, that\'s why I drive a Chevy!',NULL,0.00,NULL,292,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1512,16,'The morning after...','Don\'t hate yourself in the morning - sleep till noon.',NULL,0.00,NULL,209,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1514,16,'What do you call a boomerang...','Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn\'t come back?\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nA: A stick!',NULL,0.00,NULL,177,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1516,16,'What\'s the definition of strain?','Q: What\'s the definition of strain?\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nA: Teeth marks in the toilet seat!',NULL,0.00,NULL,168,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1518,16,'Why?','A LITTLE SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT:\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWhy was it that the Kamakazi pilots used helmets?',NULL,0.00,NULL,236,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1519,16,'A Wish Comes True','A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the bartender asks for their order.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe man says, \"I\'ll have a beer\" and turns to the ostrich. \"What\'s yours?\" \"I\'ll have a beer too\" says the ostrich.\r<BR>\nThe bartender pours the beer and says \"That will be $3.40 please,\" and the man reaches into his pocket and pays with the exact change for payment.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe next day, the man and the ostrich come again, and the man says \"I\'ll have a beer,\" and the ostrich says \"I\'ll have the same.\" Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThis became a routine until late one evening, the two enter again. \"The usual?\" asks the bartender.\"Well, it\'s close to last call, so I\'ll have a large Scotch\" says the man. \"Same for me\" says the ostrich. \"That will be $7.20\" says the bartender. Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the bar.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe bartender can\'t hold back his curiosity any longer. \"Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"Well,\" says the man, \"several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found this old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever needed to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money will be there.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"That\'s brilliant!\" says the bartender. \"Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you\'ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"That\'s right! Whether it\'s a gallon of milk, or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,\" says the man.\r<BR>\n\"That\'s fantastic!\" says the bartender. \"You are a genius! ... Oh, one other thing sir, what\'s with the ostrich?\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe man replies, \"Oh, my second wish was for a chick with long legs.\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,204,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1520,16,'Baking humor','Veteran Pillsbury spokesman, Pop N. Fresh, died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71. Known to friends as \"Brown-n-Serve,\" Fresh was an avid gardener and tennis player. Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nDozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Aunt Jemima, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Skippy.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe graveside was piled high with flours as longtime friend, Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who \"never knew how much he was kneaded.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nFresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes -- conned by those who buttered him up. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions. He enjoyed being prodded by his many friends who invariably poked fun at him.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nFresh is survived by his second wife. They have two children and another bun in the oven.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.',NULL,0.00,NULL,216,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1522,16,'Cocky Gunslinger','It\'s 1880, the decade of gunslingers and gentlemen. This is a story of one such young man that wanted more than anything to be the fastest and most respected gunslinger in the west.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe place was Dodge City, Kansas in the Sawdust Saloon. The young man walked into the Sawdust Saloon and, to his surprise, saw Wyatt Earp sitting at a table playing poker. The young man walked up to Wyatt and said, \"Mr. Earp, I would like to be a gunslinger just like you. Could you give me some tips?\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWyatt put his cards down, looked up at the boy and said, \"Son, I don\'t usually give out tips like this cause it could someday be detrimental to my health, but step back and let me take a look at you.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe boy stepped back and Mr. Earp said, \"You look good. You\'re wearing black, you\'ve got two ivory handled guns with waxed holsters, and you look like a gunslinger. But what\'s more important, son, is: Can you shoot?\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe young man, happy to show how good he was, quickly drew his pistol from his right holster and without aiming shot the cuff link off of the piano player\'s right sleeve.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWyatt said, \"That\'s good shooting son, but can you shoot with your left hand?\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nBefore Earp could even finish, the boy had already drawn the pistol from his left holster and shot the cuff link off of the piano player\'s left shirt sleeve. Very proud of himself the young man blew the smoke away from his six shooter and holstered his gun. \"How was that?\" the boy asked.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWyatt smiled and looked up and the boy and said, \"That was pretty good shooting son. I couldn\'t do better than that myself, but I do have one good tip for you.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"What\'s that?\" the boy asked.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"I suggest that you go to the kitchen and ask the cook for a large can of lard. Then take both guns of yours and stick them down deep into the lard.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nPuzzled the young gunslinger asked why he should do that.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nEarp put his cards down again, leaned back in his chair, and said, \"Well son, when Doc Holliday gets done playing the piano over there, he\'s going to take those two guns of yours and. . . \"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe boy didn\'t wait for the rest of the answer.',NULL,0.00,NULL,191,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1523,16,'Dare to Swim','Once there was a millionaire who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter that was single.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nOne day he decides to throw a huge party, during the party he announces: \"My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here. I will give 1 million dollars or my daughter to the man that can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nAs soon as he finished his last word there was the sound of a large splash! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all his might, the crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking. Finally, he made it to the other side unharmed.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe millionaire was impressed, he said, \"My boy that was incredible!\r<BR>\nFantastic! I didn\'t think it could be done! Well, I must keep my end of the bargain, which do you want my daughter or the 1 million dollars?\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe guy says, \"Listen, I don\'t want your money! And I don\'t want your daughter! I want the person who pushed me in that water!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,214,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1524,16,'Defamation of character','A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nAfter the trial he asked the judge, Does this mean that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?\"\r<BR>\nThe judge said that was true.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"Does this mean I cannot call a pig, \'Mrs. Johnson\'?\" the man asked. The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig \'Mrs. Johnson\' with no fear of legal action.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe man looked directly at Mrs. Johnson and said...\r<BR>\n\"Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,178,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1525,16,'Farmer Joe goes to Court','Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court, the trucking company\'s fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.\r\n\r\n\"Didn\'t you say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?\"\r\n\r\n\"Well,\" said the farmer, \"I\'ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the--\"\r\n\r\n\"I didn\'t ask for any details,\'\' the lawyer interrupted. \'\'Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?\"\r\n\r\n\"Well,\" the farmer started to explain, \"I had just got Bessie into the trailer and was driving down the road--\"\r\n\r\n\"Judge,\" the lawyer said with indignation, \"I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the highway patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now, several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.\"\r\n\r\nBy this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe\'s answer and told the lawyer so.\r\n\r\n\"Well,\" said the farmer, \"as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn\'t want to move. However, I could hear ol\' Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident, a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. \r\n\r\nHe said, \"Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?\'\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,212,1,1,1,'1',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1526,16,'Doomed!','An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a blood thirsty group of cannibals. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself, \"Oh God, I\'m doomed!\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThere is a ray of light from the sky above and a voice booms out: \"No my son, you are NOT doomed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nSo the explorer picks up the stone and attacks the chief, feverishly bashing at his head with all his strength. He stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 cannibals with a look of shock on their faces.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe voice booms out again: \"Okay . . . . NOW you\'re doomed.\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,165,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1530,16,'Fun Toungue Twister!','Here\'s a fun tongue twister.\r\nRead the following list and then follow the instructions at the end.\r\nRead it LOUD and REAL FAST...see if you can do it!\r\nDON\'T read the instructions until you get it right!!!\r\n\r\nThis is this cat\r\nThis is is cat\r\nThis is how cat\r\nThis is to cat\r\nThis is keep cat\r\nThis is a cat\r\nThis is fool cat\r\nThis is busy cat\r\nThis is for cat\r\nThis is forty cat\r\nThis is seconds cat\r\n*\r\n*\r\n*\r\n*\r\n*\r\n*\r\n*\r\n*\r\n*\r\n*\r\n*\r\nDid ya do it? Now go back up and read the third word in each line starting from the top to the bottom :)',NULL,0.00,NULL,188,1,1,1,'1',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1531,16,'Guess the instructions','Read the 10 to-do instructions and then scroll for the answer - NO CHEATING!\r\n\r\n1. Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart.\r\n2. Form a loose grip.\r\n3. Keep your head down.\r\n4. Avoid a quick back swing.\r\n5. Stay out of the water.\r\n6. Try not to hit anyone.\r\n7. If you are taking too long, please let others go ahead of you.\r\n8. Don\'t stand directly in front of others.\r\n9. Quiet please... while others are preparing to go.\r\n10. Don\'t take extra strokes.\r\n.\r\n.\r\n.\r\n.\r\n.\r\n.\r\n.\r\n.\r\n.\r\n.\r\n.\r\n.\r\n.\r\n.\r\n.\r\n.\r\nVery good. Now flush the urinal, go outside, and tee off!\r\n(From a sign posted at a local golf course restroom :)',NULL,0.00,NULL,191,1,1,1,'1',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1533,16,'Hmmm...Ponderings','What\'s with the people who put carpeting on the lid of their toilet seat? What are they thinking -- \"Gosh, if we have a party there may not be enough standing room; I\'d better carpet the toilet too.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nHave you ever noticed that the waiter who takes your order is not the one who brings your food anymore? What is THAT about? And which waiter are you tipping, anyway? I think next time I go to a restaurant I\'ll just say, \"Oh, sorry, I only eat the food. The guy who pays the bill will be along shortly.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWould somebody please explain to me those signs that say, \"No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs?\" Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, or the blind person?\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWhy do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they\'re killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? \"Sweetheart, let\'s make up. Have this deceased squirrel.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nCan\'t we just get rid of wine lists? Do we really have to be reminded every time we go out to a nice restaurant that we have no idea what we are doing? Why don\'t they just give us a trigonometry quiz with the menu?\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nIf airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don\'t you ever see anyone take one to the beach?\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWhy do they call it a \"building\"? It looks like they\'re finished. Why isn\'t it a \"built\"?\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWhy is it when you turn on the TV you see ads for telephone companies, and when you turn on the radio you hear ads for TV shows, and when you get put on hold on the phone you hear a radio station?\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWhy is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go the bathroom in a handicapped stall?\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nHow come you have to pay someone to rotate your tires? Isn\'t that the basic idea behind the wheel? Don\'t they rotate on their own?\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nAll the king\'s HORSES and all the king\'s men? Are you kidding me? No wonder they couldn\'t put Humpty together again. Just what did those idiots expect the horses to do, anyway?\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nDid you ever notice, when you are sitting at a red light, that when the person in front of you pulls up a couple of inches, you are compelled to move up too? Do we really think we are making progress toward our destination? \"Whew, I thought we would be late, but now that I am nine inches closer, I can stop for coffee and a danish!\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nIsn\'t it weird that we drink milk, stuff designed to nourish baby cows? How did THAT happen? Did some cattleman once say, \"Oh, man, I can\'t wait till them calves are done so I can get ME a hit of that stuff.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nHave you ever noticed how they keep improving your laundry detergent, but they still can\'t get those blue flakes out? Why do we trust them to get our clothes clean? These guys can\'t even get the DETERGENT white!\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nDid you see these new minivan ads? All they talk about are cup holders, kiddy seats and doors. What kind of advertising is that? When you see an ad for a suit, do they say, \"And look at the zipper! Carefully hidden, but easily accessible when you need it!\" I think not.',NULL,0.00,NULL,186,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1535,16,'How to handle telemarketers','One thing that has always bugged me, and I\'m sure it does most of you, is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer. \r\n\r\nI decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating as they were to me. The call was from AT&T and it went something like this: (swallowing)\r\n- Me: Hello\r\n- AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...\r\n- Me: Is this AT&T?\r\n- AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...\r\n- Me: This is AT&T?\r\n- AT&T: Yes This is AT&T...\r\n- Me: Is this AT&T?\r\n- AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron please?\r\n- Me: May I ask who is calling?\r\n- AT&T: This is AT&T.\r\n- Me: OK, hold on.\r\n\r\nAt this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.\r\n\r\n- Me: Hello?\r\n- AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?\r\n- Me: May I ask who is calling please?\r\n- AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...\r\n- Me: Is this AT&T?\r\n- AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...\r\n- Me: This is AT&T?\r\n- AT&T: Yes, is this Mr. Byron?\r\n- Me: Yes, is this AT&T?\r\n- AT&T: Yes sir.\r\n- Me: The phone company?\r\n- AT&T: Yes sir.\r\n- Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.\r\n- AT&T: Yes sir, we are a phone company.\r\n- Me: I already have a phone.\r\n- AT&T: We aren\'t selling phones today Mr. Byron.\r\n- Me: Well whatever it is, I\'m really not interested but thanks for calling.\r\n\r\nWhen you are not interested in something, I don\'t think you can express yourself any plainer than by saying \"I\'m really not interested,\" but this lady was persistent.\r\n\r\n- AT&T: Mr. Byron, we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a \"rate\" of 10 cents a minute, but she at no time used the word \"rate.\" I could clearly see that it was time to whip out the trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering.\r\n- Me: Now, that\'s 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day?\r\n- AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes\r\n- sir, that\'s right! 24 hours a day!\r\n- Me: 7 days a week?\r\n- AT&T: That\'s right.\r\n- Me: 365 days a year?\r\n- AT&T: Yes sir.\r\n- Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That\'s amazing!\r\n- AT&T: We think so!\r\n- Me: That\'s quite a sum of money!\r\n- AT&T: Yes sir, it\'s amazing how it adds up.\r\n- Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560, and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance?\r\n- AT&T: Excuse me?\r\n- Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.\r\n- AT&T: What are you talking about?\r\n- Me: You said you\'d give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1,008 per week and $52,560 per year. I\'m just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.\r\n- AT&T: Oh no, sir, I didn\'t mean we\'d be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute.\r\n- Me: Wait a minute here!!! Didn\'t you say you\'d give me 10 cents a minute? Are you sure this is AT&T?\r\n- AT&T: Well, yes this is AT&T sir but......\r\n- Me: But nothing, how do you figure that by saying that you\'ll give me 10 cents a minute that I\'ll give you 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I\'ve read about things like this in the Enquirer, you know. Don\'t use your alien brainwashing techniques on me.\r\n- AT&T: No sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for.....\r\n- Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please!\r\n- AT&T: Sir, I don\'t think that is necessary.\r\n- Me: Sure! You say that now! What happens later?\r\n- AT&T: What?\r\n- Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!\r\n- AT&T: Yes Mr. Byron. Please hold.\r\n\r\nSo now AT&T has me on hold and my supper is getting cold. I begin to eat while I\'m waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a few minutes and while I have a mouth full of food:\r\n\r\n- Supervisor: Mr. Byron?\r\n- Me: Yeth?\r\n- Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program.\r\n- Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth?\r\n- Supervisor: Yes sir, it sure is.\r\n\r\nI had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.\r\n\r\n- Me: No, actually, I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan.\r\n- Supervisor: OK, no problem, I\'ll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.\r\n- Me: Thank you.\r\n\r\nI was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I needed to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.\r\n\r\n- AT&T: Hello Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan?\r\n- Me: Do you have that friends and family thing because you can never have enough friends and I\'m an only child and I\'d really like to have a little brother...\r\n- AT&T: (click)',NULL,0.00,NULL,171,1,1,1,'1',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1536,16,'If You Love Something....','If you love something, set it free.\r<BR>\nIf it comes back, it was and always will be yours.\r<BR>\nIf it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.\r<BR>\nIf, however, it just sits in your living room,\r<BR>\nmesses up your stuff,\r<BR>\neats your food,\r<BR>\nuses your telephone,\r<BR>\ntakes your money, and\r<BR>\nnever appears to have noticed that \r<BR>\nyou actually set it free in the first place,\r<BR>\nYou either married it or gave birth to it!',NULL,0.00,NULL,180,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1538,16,'Letter To Ann Landers','Dearn Ann:\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nI am facing a very serious problem. You see, I am a Vietnam-era deserter from the U. S. Marines, and I have a cousin who works for Microsoft. My mother peddles Nazi literature to Girl Scouts and my father (a former dentist) is in jail for 30 years for raping most of his patients while they were under anesthesia.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe sole supports of our large family, including myself and my $500-a-week heroin habit, are my uncle (master pick-pocket, Benny \"The Fingers\"), my 70-year-old aunt Hester (a shoplifter), and my two kid sisters, who are well-known streetwalkers.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nMy problem is this: I have just gotten engaged to the most beautiful, sweetest girl in the world. She is just sweet sixteen, and we are going to marry as soon as she can escape from reform school.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nTo support ourselves, we are going to move to Mexico and start a fake Aztec souvenir factory staffed by child labor. We look forward to bringing our kids into the family business.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nBut I am worried that my family will not make a good impression on hers. In your opinion, Should I, or shouldn\'t I, tell her about my cousin who works for Microsoft?',NULL,0.00,NULL,197,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1539,16,'Little Red Man','There was a little red man who lived in a little red house on a little red street in a little red town. Now this little red man wanted to take a little red shower so he put his little red towel on the little red towel rack. Just as he was about to get in, the little red doorbell rang.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nSo he put his little red towel around his little red waist and went to the little red door. He opened the little red door and there stood a woman. Just then a big gust of wind came and blew the little red towel away. The woman screamed, ran accross the road and got hit by a car.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe moral of the story? Never run accross the road when the little red man is flashing.',NULL,0.00,NULL,209,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1541,16,'Name That Ranch','A New York family bought a ranch out West where they intended to raise cattle. Friends visited and asked if the ranch had a name.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"Well,\" said the would-be cattleman, \"I wanted to name it the Bar-J. My wife favored Suzy-Q, one son like the Flying-W, and the other wanted the Lazy-Y. So we\'re calling it the Bar-J-Suzy-Q-Flying-W-Lazy-Y.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"But where are all your cattle?\" the friends asked.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"None survived the branding.\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,167,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1543,16,'No Fishing!','A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn; the wife preferred to read. One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap. The wife decided to take the boat out.\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\nShe was not familiar with the lake so she rowed out, anchored the boat, and started reading her book. Along comes the sheriff in his boat, pulls up alongside and says, \"Good morning, Ma\'am. What are you doing?\"\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\"Reading my book,\" she replies as she thinks to herself, \"Is this guy blind or what?\" \r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\"You\'re in a restricted fishing area,\" he informs her.\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\"But, Officer, I\'m not fishing. Can\'t you see that?\" \r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\"But you have all this equipment, Ma\'am. I\'ll have to take you in and write you up.\"\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\"If you do that, I will charge you with rape,\" snaps the irate woman.\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\"I didn\'t even touch you,\" growls the sheriff. \r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\"Yes, that\'s true ... but you have all the equipment ...\" \r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\nMoral: Never argue with a woman who knows how to read!',NULL,0.00,NULL,179,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1546,16,'Pillsbury Doughboy Dead at 71!','Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died yesterday of a severe yeast infection.\r<BR>\nHe was 71.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nFresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker and the Hostess Twinkies.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe graveside was piled high with flours, as long time friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as the man who \"never knew how much he was kneaded\". \r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nFresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting most of his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nFresh is survived by his second wife -- they have two children and one in the oven.\r<BR>\nThe funeral was held at 4:25 for about 20 minutes.',NULL,0.00,NULL,166,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1547,16,'Please Save Her!','Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man started to scream for help.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nA local fisherman ran up. The man gasped, \"My wife is drowning and I can\'t swim. Please save her. I\"ll give you a hundred dollars.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe fisherman dived into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore. \r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nDepositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, \"Okay, buddy, where\'s my hundred?\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe man said, \"Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe fisherman reached into his pocket and said...\r<BR>\n\"Just my luck! So tell me, what do I owe you?\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,198,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1548,16,'Pregnant Maid','A husband and his wife advertised for a live-in maid to cook and do the housework. A likely-looking girl came in from the country, and they hired her. She worked out fine, was a good cook, was polite, and kept the house neat.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nOne day, after about six months, she came in and said she would have to quit. \"But why?\" asked the disappointed wife.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nShe hemmed and hawed and said she didn\'t want to say, but the wife was\r<BR>\npersistent, so finally she said, \"Well, on my day off a couple of months ago I met this good-looking fellow from over in the next county, and well, I\'m pregnant.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe wife said, \"Look, we don\'t want to lose you. My husband and I don\'t have any children, and we\'ll adopt your baby if you will stay.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nShe talked to her husband; he agreed, and the maid said she would stay. The baby came, they adopted it, and all went well.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nAfter several months though, the maid came in again and said that she would have to quit. The wife questioned her, found out that she was pregnant again, talked to her husband, and offered to adopt the baby if she would stay. She agreed, had the baby, they adopted it, and life went on as usual.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nIn a few months, however, she again said she would have to leave. Same thing. She was pregnant. They made the same offer, she agreed, and they adopted the third baby. She worked for a week or two, but then said, \"I am definitely leaving this time.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"Don\'t tell me you\'re pregnant again?\" asked the lady of the house.\r<BR>\n\"No,\" she said, \"there are just too many kids here to pick up after!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,182,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1549,16,'10 000 dollars For a Kiss','One day this fellow noticed that a new couple had moved into the house next door. He was also quick to notice that the woman liked to sunbathe in the back yard, usually in a skimpy bikini that showed off a magnificent pair of breasts. He made it a point to water and trim his lawn as much as possible, hoping for yet another look.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nFinally, he could stand it no more. Walking to the front door of the new neighbor\'s house, he knocked and waited. The husband, a large, burly man, opened the door. \"Excuse me\", our man stammered, \"but I couldn\'t help noticing how beautiful your wife is.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"Yeah? So?\" his hulking neighbor replied.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"Well, in particular, I am really struck by how beautiful her breasts are. I would gladly pay you ten thousand dollars if I could kiss those breasts.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe burly gorilla is about to deck our poor guy when his wife appears and stops him. She pulls him inside and they discuss the offer for a few moments. Finally, they return and ask our friend to step inside. \"OK,\" the husband says gruffly, \"for ten thousand dollars you can kiss my wife\'s tits.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nAt this the wife unbuttons her blouse, and the twin objects of desire hang free at last. Our man takes one in each hand, and proceeds to rub his face against them in total ecstasy. This goes on for several minutes, until the husband gets annoyed.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"Well, come on already, kiss \'em!\" he growls.\r<BR>\n\"I can\'t\" replies our awe-struck hero, still nuzzling away.\r<BR>\n\"Why not?\" demands the husband, getting really angry now.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"I don\'t have ten thousand dollars!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,180,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1550,16,'Using The Thermometer!','Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening, the husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, \"It\'s the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nImmediately the husband drove downtown to accost the druggist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, \"Now, just a minute. Listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, but I\'ll be damned if I didn\'t lock the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Then, about three blocks from the store I had a flat\r<BR>\ntire.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWhen I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people and all the time the darn phone was ringing its head off. Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels-the phone is still ringing. \r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWhen I came up, I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it and half of them hit the floor and broke. The phone is still ringing with no let up and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife -- she wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. And Mister, I TOLD HER!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,144,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1552,16,'Two Statues','There are two statues standing in the woods. They have been there standing on their pedastals for 500 years. A girl statue and a boy statue.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nFinally one day the Good Fairy came down. You have been here for five centuries, naked just looking at one another. Now, the Good Fairy said to the statues, you have five full seconds to jump down off your pedastals and run out there in the bushes and do whatever it is that you would like to do.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe girl statue and the boy statue jumped down, ran into the bushes, came back out brushing the leaves out of their hair and jumped back upon their pedastals.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe Good Fairy said, \"you used three seconds, you have two more seconds to finish what you were doing.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe boy statue looked at the girl statue and said, \"this time you hold the pigeon and I\'ll poop on it\'s head!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,145,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1553,16,'Two Statues','For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.\r\n\r\n\"You\'ve been such exemplary statues,\" he announced to them, \"That I\'m going to give you a special gift. I\'m going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want.\" And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.\r\n\r\nThe two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.\r\n\r\n\"You still have fifteen more minutes,\" said the angel, winking at them.\r\n\r\nGrinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, \"Great! Only this time...\r\nyou hold the pigeon down and I\'ll crap on it\'s head.\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,142,1,1,1,'1',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1555,16,'Two kids meet','A new neigbour arrives. The kids meet.\r\n\r\nThe local kid:\r\n\"My mom was born in California!\r\nWhere was your mom born?\"\r\n\r\nThe other kid answers, \"Alaska\".\r\n\r\nThe first one replies:\r\n\"Gee, then don\'t worry about it... I\'ll ask\'er myself!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,139,1,1,1,'1',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1556,16,'Try our tricky!','To make this work, do this as fast as you can and don\'t cheat!\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nSpell Fort 5 times\r<BR>\nSay Fort 4 times\r<BR>\nSpell Fort 4 times\r<BR>\nSay Sort 3 times \r<BR>\nSpell Fort two times\r<BR>\nSay Fort once\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nQuick!...What do you eat cereal with? (Scroll Down)\r<BR>\n*\r<BR>\n*\r<BR>\n*\r<BR>\n*\r<BR>\n*\r<BR>\n*\r<BR>\n*\r<BR>\n*\r<BR>\n*\r<BR>\n*\r<BR>\n*\r<BR>\n*\r<BR>\n*\r<BR>\n*\r<BR>\n*\r<BR>\n*\r<BR>\n*\r<BR>\nYou\'re pretty weird...most people use a Spoon! :)',NULL,0.00,NULL,143,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1557,16,'Toughening Up','My grand-daddy worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a young fella, and he used to tell me, when I was a little nipper, how he had toughened himself up so he could stand the hard work of blacksmithing.\r\n\r\nOne story was how he had developed his arm and shoulder muscles. As he told it, he would stand outside behind the wood shed, with a 5 pound potato sack in each hand, extend his arms straight out from his sides and hold them there as long as he could.\r\n\r\nAfter awhile he tried 10 pound potato sacks, then 50 pound potato sacks and finally he got to where he could lift a 100 pound potato sack in each hand and hold his arms straight out for more than two full minutes. . . .\r\n\r\nThen, he started putting potatoes in the sacks...DOH!',NULL,0.00,NULL,163,1,1,1,'1',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1559,16,'The World of High Finance','A man walks into a New York bank, and says he\'s going to Europe for two weeks and needs to borrow $5000. For collateral, he offers his new Rolls Royce.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe bank is satisfied and parks it in their secured underground garage. Two weeks later to the day, the man returns to the bank, repays the $5000 and interest of $15.41.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe loan officer says inquiringly, \"Sir, we were delighted to have your business but, in checking your credit, we learned you are a multimillionaire. Why ever did you need to borrow $5000?\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for $15.41?\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,146,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1560,16,'Trapped On A Rock','There was a man that was stranded, standing on nothing but a rock in the middle of the sea, waiting for someone to come. Then along comes a boat.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe man on the boat asks \'do you want any help?\' Man on the rock replies \'no- the Lord will save me\'-so then the man on the boat went away. A helicopter then came and asked him \'do you want any help?\' The man replied \'no - the Lord will save me!\' Then along comes another man on a boat and asks \'do you want any help?\' and he said \'no-the Lord will save me\'.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nBy this stage he was up to his neck in water. He then drowned. He was at the holy gates and asked St. Peter \'why didn\'t the Lord save me????\' \r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nSt.Peter said\' he sent you 2 boats a helicpter-what more do you want!?\'',NULL,0.00,NULL,135,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1561,16,'The Race','There are three guys named Manners, Shutup, and Crap.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThey were really bored, so they decided to run a race. During the race, Crap fell down, and Manners stopped to help him. But Shutup ran so fast the police caught him. Here\'s how the conversation went:\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nPolice Officer #1: \"What\'s your name?\"\r<BR>\nShutup: \"Shutup.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nPolice Officer #2: \"Where\'s your manners?\"\r<BR>\nShutup: Back there picking up Crap!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,133,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1562,16,'The Rabid Neighbor!','A neighbor of mine was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him scribbling furiously on a notepad.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nI told him rabies could be cured and he didn\'t have to worry about writing a will.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nHe said, \"Will, will,... WHAT WILL? I\'m making a list of people I\'m gonna bite!!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,154,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1564,16,'The new warden','A new jail warden was being shown through the jailhouse by the old warden. \r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nSoon, after making rounds around the rest of the jail, they get to the cafeteria. In one corner, he sees a group of elderly men laughing hysterically. \r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nInterested, he watches them while the older warden gets his food. One of the men shouts out \"63!\" and the entire table bursts out laughing. The new warden is totally baffled by the behavior of them. \"74!\", again a chorus of guffaws ring out. \r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe old warden comes back to the table where the new warden sits staring, and the new warden asks \"What are those elderly men doing.\" \r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe old warden smirks, and says, \"Oh, those are the life timers. They\'ve been in here so long, they just number their jokes.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nMeanwhile another one calls out \"2!\". Nobody laughs. \r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe new warden leans over and asks, \"What happened?\" To this the warden replied, \"Oh, he blew the delivery.\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,152,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1567,16,'The Farmer and his boys...','A farmer had three sons. One day his oldest came to him and said that since he was graduating from high school, he would really like to get a car.\r\n\r\nHis father said, \"Son, come here.\" He took him to the barn and pointed to the tractor and said, \"This tractor is needed for the farm and I promise, as soon as it\'s paid for, we\'ll get you a car\".\r\nThe boy was not too happy, but was understanding.\r\n\r\nA week later, his second son approached him wanting a motorcycle.\r\n\"Well\", the father said, \"as soon as the tractor is paid for we\'ll see about getting you your scooter.\"\r\n\r\nShortly after, his youngest was bugging him for a bike.\r\nAgain, the father gave him the lecture about the tractor needing to be paid off first.\r\n\r\nWhile leaving the barn, the young boy, a little disgusted with his father\'s explanation, saw the farm rooster doing it\'s rooster duty with one of the hens. He promptly went over and kicked the rooster off the hen\'s back, mumbling to himself.\r\n\r\nHis dad asked, \"Son, now why would you do something like that?\r\nHe didn\'t do anything to deserve that.\"\r\n\r\nThe third son replied, \"Hey, nobody around here rides anything until that tractor gets paid off!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,149,1,1,1,'1',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1569,16,'The inmates last wish!','The inmate on death row was scheduled to be put to death by firing squad the follow morning. Throughout the day, the prison guards were being very nice to him. But when they asked him if he wanted something specific for his last meal, he didn\'t want anything special. When they asked if there was something special he wanted to do, he said nothing. It went on like this all day.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nFinally when he was put before the firing squad, the guard asked if he wanted a cigarette and a blindfold.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"No,\" the inmate said, \"just get it over with.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"Well, is there anything that I can do for you before you go?\" said the guard. \"You didn\'t even want a special last meal!\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe inmate thought. \"Actually,\" he said, \"Music is my life. One thing I would really like would be to sing my favorite song, one whole time through, with no interruptions.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe guard nodded and told him to go ahead.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe inmate started singing, \"One billion bottles of beer on the wall...\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,161,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1572,16,'The cashier','Well, one day, an idiot looking for a job finally came across a cigarette stand that was accepting anyone as there cashier. After being turned down for every job he filed for, he accepts this low paying job.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nOne day, a woman comes to the stand, \"Hey, sonny, how much do those cigaretts cost?\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"I dont know\", replies the stupid cashier.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe woman leaves unsatisfied.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nTHe boss, having seen this goes up to him and screams \"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DONT KNOW, THEY COST 10 CENTS, GOD!!!!!!\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"10 cents? I will have to remember that\" said the cashier.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe next day, another woman comes \"hey sonny, how much do those cigaretts cost?\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"10 cents ma\'am\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"Really?, are they fresh?\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"I dont know\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nSo the woman leaves.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe boss, having spied this screams \"WELL OFCOURSE THEY ARE FRESH YOU NINCOMPOOP, WHAT DO YOU THINK? THEY ARE SOUR OR SOMETHING?\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nSo the cashier memorizes \"Yes, very fresh\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe next day, another woman comes and says \"Hey sonny, now much do those cigaretts cost?\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"10 cents\" He replies.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"Are they fresh?\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"Very fresh\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"Should I buy them?\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"I dont know\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nSo the woman leaves.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe boss having seen this goes to scream at him again \"YOU MORON, WHEN SOMEONE SAYS THAT, YOU HAVE TO SAY \'If you dont, somebody else will\' OK?\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"ok, gotcha boss\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nSo the next day, the little shop gets robbed by a guy with a gun.\r<BR>\nHe goes up to the cash register and screams \"HEY, how much money is in that cash register?\" \"10 cents sir\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"WHAT? ARE YOU BEING FRESH TO ME?\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"Yes, very fresh sir\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"SHOULD I SHOOT YOU?\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"If you dont, somebody else will\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,164,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1573,16,'The Cruise!','Three friends -- two straight guys and a gay guy -- and their significant others were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThey each had to come before St. Peter to be admitted into heaven.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nFirst came one of the straight guys and his wife.\r<BR>\nSt. Peter shook his head sadly.\r<BR>\n\"I can\'t let you in. You loved money too much.\r<BR>\nYou loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThen came the second straight guy.\r<BR>\n\"Sorry, can\'t let you in, either.\" said St. Peter. \"You loved food too much. You loved to eat so much, you even married a woman named Candy!\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe gay guy turned to his boyfriend and whispered nervously...\r<BR>\n\"It\'s not looking good for us Dick.\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,149,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1575,16,'Suck It In','I noticed my husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his ample stomach.\r\n\r\nThinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, I quipped, \"I don\'t think that is going to help much, hon?\"\r\n\r\n\"Sure it does,\" he said. \"How else can I can see the numbers!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,147,1,1,1,'1',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1579,16,'Real Police Stories','The following are actual incidents reported...\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n#1\r<BR>\nA policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn\'t getting many. Then, he discovered the problem - a 10-year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read \"RADAR TRAP AHEAD\". The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading \"TIPS\" and a bucket full of change.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n#2\r<BR>\nA motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n#3\r<BR>\nA young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the motorcycle officer walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, \"I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolmen\'s Ball.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nHe replied, \"Highway patrolmen don\'t have balls.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThere was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he\'d just said. He then closed his book, got back on his motorcycle and left. She was laughing too hard to start her car for several minutes.',NULL,0.00,NULL,133,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1581,16,'Diet Rules','1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n3. When you eat with someone else, calories don\'t count if you don\'t eat more than they do.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n6. Movie related foods (Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and no part of one\'s personal fuel.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n7. Cookie pieces contain no calories -- the process of breaking causes calorie leakage.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon making a sundae.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n9. Food that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and white chocolate. NOTE: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n10. Anything consumed while standing over the kitchen sink, has no calories.',NULL,0.00,NULL,155,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1582,16,'Even more Bumper Stickers!','Heart Attacks...God\'s Revenge for Eating His Animal Friends\r<BR>\nHow many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost?\r<BR>\nI\'m an imbecile and I vote\r<BR>\nMoney Isn\'t Everything... But it Sure Keeps the Kids In Touch\r<BR>\nIf you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!\r<BR>\n100,000 sperm and YOU were the fastest?\r<BR>\nGrow your own dope, plant a man\r<BR>\nAll Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets\r<BR>\nSome people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.\r<BR>\nI used to have a handle on life, but it broke.\r<BR>\nBEER: It\'s not just for breakfast anymore.\r<BR>\nI need someone really bad...Are you really bad?\r<BR>\nBeauty is in the eye of the beer holder.\r<BR>\nAll men are idiots...I married their king.\r<BR>\nReality is a crutch for people who can\'t cope with drugs\r<BR>\nDon\'t drink and drive...You might hit a bump and spill it\r<BR>\nWe are born naked, wet, and hungry....Then things get worse.',NULL,0.00,NULL,141,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1583,16,'Ever Wonder?','Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I\'m halfway through my fish sandwich and I realize, Oh my God...I could be eating a slow learner!\"\r<BR>\n- Lynda Montgomery\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.\"\r<BR>\n- Johnny Carson\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"Sometimes I think war is God\'s way of teaching us geography.\"\r<BR>\n- Paul Rodriguez\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nAnd from George Carlin...\r<BR>\nIf you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?\r<BR>\nIf a no-armed man has a gun, is he armed?\r<BR>\nIf you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?\r<BR>\nIf firefighters fight fires and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight?\r<BR>\nIf you put a slinky on an escalator, would it go forever?\r<BR>\nIf all babies are cute why are there so many ugly people in the world?\r<BR>\nWhat\'s another word for thesaurus?\r<BR>\nIf you cross a four leaf clover with poison ivy, would you get a rash of good luck?\r<BR>\nWho is more foolish, the fool, or the fool who follows him?\r<BR>\nWhen Dr. Kevorkian watches ER does he root against the doctors?\r<BR>\nWhy do they have Braille number pads at drive-through bank machines?\r<BR>\nIs it ok to go door-to-door selling \"No Soliciting\" signs?\r<BR>\nIf it was a 3 hour cruise, why did Mrs. Howell have so many clothes?\r<BR>\nWhy do people who know the least know it the loudest?\r<BR>\nDo cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?\r<BR>\nIf a book about failures doesn\'t sell, is it a success?\r<BR>\nWhy is back pain medication always on the bottom shelf?\r<BR>\nIf talk is cheap, why is my phone bill so high?\r<BR>\nIf someone comes up to you and tells you that they\'re an obsessive compulsive liar, how do you know they\'re telling the truth?\r<BR>\nHow can you tell if Don King is having a bad hair day?\r<BR>\nShould bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?\r<BR>\nIf a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how do you know if it\'s wrong?\r<BR>\nDo bleached blondes just pretend to have more fun?\r<BR>\nDid the early settlers ever go on camping trips?\r<BR>\nWhy are the other lines always moving faster-until you get into one of them?\r<BR>\nHow can a person get a life sentence & be eligible for parole in 15 years?',NULL,0.00,NULL,158,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1585,16,'Facts of Life!','Don\'t sweat the petty things, and don\'t pet the sweaty things.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nOne tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nOne nice thing about egotists: they don\'t talk about other people.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nTo be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nNever underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe older you get, the better you realize you were.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nI doubt, therefore I might be.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nAge is a very high price to pay for maturity.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nProcrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWomen like silent, they think they\'re listening.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nMen are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nGive a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nA fool and his money are soon partying.',NULL,0.00,NULL,1049,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1588,16,'Confucious say','Confucious say...\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nAll who fly upside-down have crack up.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nHe who stand on toilet high on pot.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nHe who shits brick has square hole.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nFly who sit on toilet seat get pissed off.',NULL,0.00,NULL,140,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1589,16,'Dairy Queen','How did Dairy Queen (U.S. restaurant) get Pregnant?\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\nBurger King showed her it\'s Whopper.',NULL,0.00,NULL,156,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1590,16,'Defining Confusion!','Q: How do you define confusion??\r\n\r\nA: A blind lesbian in a fish market!',NULL,0.00,NULL,166,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1591,16,'Difference Between Nun and Bathtub','What\'s the difference between a woman in the bath tub and a nun?\r<BR>\nThe nun has a soul full of hope.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWhat\'s the difference between a circus and a Las Vegas Dance Show?\r<BR>\nThe circus is an array of cunning stunts.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nHolly Happidays',NULL,0.00,NULL,130,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1592,16,'Erudite Limerick','I, Caesar, when I heard of the fame\r\nTo Cleopatra I straightway laid claim\r\nAhead of my legions\r\nI invaded her regions\r\nI saw, I conquered, I came!',NULL,0.00,NULL,175,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1594,16,'Opinions','Everybody knows there are different opinions to everything. Here are some.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n*A smoking section in a restaraunt is like a peeing section in a pool.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n*Always look on the negative side, so you\'ll never be dissapointed.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n*Men are like snow storms, you never know how many inches you\'ll get, or how long it will last.',NULL,0.00,NULL,189,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1613,16,'It\'s a Bummer to be an egg!','1) You only get laid once.\r<BR>\n2) You only get eaten once.\r<BR>\n3) It takes 7 minutes to get hard.\r<BR>\n4) You have to come in a box with 11 other guys.\r<BR>\n5) The only one who\'ll sit on your face is your mother.',NULL,0.00,NULL,132,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1615,16,'Good/Bad Girls','Good girls say \" thanks for a wonderful dinner\"...\r<BR>\nBad girls say, \" what\'s for breakfast?\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nGood girls never go after another girl\'s man...\r<BR>\nBad girls go after him AND his brother.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nGood girls wear white cotton panties\r<BR>\nBad girls don\'t wear any.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nGood girls wax their floors...\r<BR>\nBad girls wax their bikini lines.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nGood girls loosen a few buttons when it\'s hot\r<BR>\nBad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nGood girls make chicken for dinner...\r<BR>\nBad girls make reservations\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nGood girls blush during bedrooms scenes in movies...\r<BR>\nBad girls know they could do better\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nGood girls never consider sleeping with the boss...\r<BR>\nBad girls never do either, unless he\'s very, very rich.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nGood girls believe you\'re not fully dressed without a strand of pearls...\r<BR>\nBad girls believe that you are fully dressed with JUST a strand of pearls...\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nGood girls love Italian food...\r<BR>\nBad girls love Italian waiters.',NULL,0.00,NULL,198,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1616,16,'Good Girls - Bad Girls','Good girls say \"thanks for a wonderful dinner\"...\r<BR>\nBad girls say, \"what\'s for breakfast?\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nGood girls never go after another girl\'s man...\r<BR>\nBad girls go after him AND his brother.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nGood girls wear white cotton panties...\r<BR>\nBad girls don\'t wear any.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nGood girls wax their floors...\r<BR>\nBad girls wax their bikini lines.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nGood girls loosen a few buttons when it\'s hot...\r<BR>\nBad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nGood girls make chicken for dinner...\r<BR>\nBad girls make reservations.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nGood girls blush during bedrooms scenes in movies...\r<BR>\nBad girls know they could do better.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nGood girls never consider sleeping with the boss...\r<BR>\nBad girls never do either, unless he\'s very, very rich.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nGood girls believe you\'re not fully dressed without a strand of pearls...\r<BR>\nBad girls believe that you are fully dressed with JUST a strand of pearls.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nGood girls love italian food...\r<BR>\nBad girls love italian waiters.',NULL,0.00,NULL,156,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1622,16,'Cards You Won\'t Find At Hallmark','\"Looking back over the years that we\'ve been together, I can\'t help but wonder:............. What was I thinking?\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"Congratulations on your wedding day!............. Too bad no one likes your wife.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"How could two people as beautiful you............ have such an ugly\r<BR>\nbaby?\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"I\'ve always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love......... After having met you, I\'ve changed my mind.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"I must admit, you brought Religion in my life........... I never\r<BR>\nbelieved in Hell until I met you.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am....... that you\'re not\r<BR>\nhere to ruin it for me.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you\'ve given me. Like the need for therapy...\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"Thanks for being a part of my life!!!.......... I never knew what evil was before this!\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"Before you go,......... I would like you to take this knife out of my back. You\'ll probably need it again.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"Someday I hope to get married............ but not to you.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"You look great for your age.......Almost Lifelike!\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"When we were together, you always said you\'d die for me......... Now that we\'ve broken up, I think it\'s time you kept your promise.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend....... So here\'s his leash, water bowl and chew toys.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"We have been friends for a very long time........... What do you say we call it quits?\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"I\'m so miserable without you.................. It\'s almost like you\'re here.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"Congratulations on your new bundle of joy............... Did you ever\r<BR>\nfind out who the father was?\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket.... I\'d miss you heaps and think of you often.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday--------- So we\'re having you put to sleep.\"',NULL,1.00,1,173,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1666,16,'Top 5 men in a woman\'s life...','The Top 5 Men in a Woman\'s life are:\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n1. Doctor.\r<BR>\n2. Dentist\r<BR>\n3. Coal man.\r<BR>\n4. Decorator.\r<BR>\n5. Bank manager.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nA Doctor says to take off your clothes.\r<BR>\nA Dentist says open wide.\r<BR>\nA Coal man asks \"where do you want it, front or back?\"\r<BR>\nA Decorator says \"how do you like it now that it’s up?\"\r<BR>\nA Bank manager says \"don’t take it out you’ll lose interest\"!',NULL,0.00,NULL,164,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1736,16,'Top Ten Least Popular Stephen King Novels','10. \"The Man Who Died of Old Age\"\r<BR>\n9. \"How Cujo Got His Groove Back\"\r<BR>\n8. \"Here\'s Another One I Cranked Out In An Afternoon\"\r<BR>\n7. \"Vacuumstarter\"\r<BR>\n6. \"The Scary Windowless Corridor Next To The Oval Office\"\r<BR>\n5. \"The Guy Who Accidentally Put Expired Milk In His Coffee --\r<BR>\nHe Didn\'t Drink It, But What If He Did?\"\r<BR>\n4. \"The Scariest Part of This Book Is My Picture On The Back Cover\"\r<BR>\n3. \"Inside the Kitchen At Your Local T.G.I. Friday\'s\"\r<BR>\n2. \"Hi I\'m Your New Neighbor, Richard Simmons\"\r<BR>\n1. \"Satan\'s Independent Prosecutor\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,144,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1739,12,'A bunch of better idiots!','These \"Weird Reference Questions\" are from the Library Paraprofessionals Listserv. All of these are real and provide proof that a \"better idiot\" can be invented.\r\n\r\n\"Do you have a list of all the books written in the English language?\"\r\n\r\n\"Do you have that book by Rushdie: \'Satanic Nurses\'?\"\r\n(Actual title: \"Satanic Verses\")\r\n\r\n\"I was here about three weeks ago looking at a cookbook that cost $39.95.\r\nDo you know which one it is?\"\r\n\r\n\"Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park Sites?\"\r\nhahahaha...what a bone head!\r\n\r\n\"Do you have any books with photographs of dinosaurs?\"\r\nhmmm...I don\'t recollect any camera-toting cavemen...do you?\r\n\r\n\"I\'m looking for information on carpal tunnel syndrome.\r\nI think I\'m having trouble with it in my neck.\"\r\n(No...that\'s your brain miss-firing.)\r\n\r\n\"I am looking for a list of laws that I can break that would send me back to jail for a couple of months.\"\r\n(I know...how about shooting yourself? That would get you life in prison!)\r\n\r\n\"I need a color photograph of George Washington.\"\r\n(Ok...hold on...I\'ll check with the caveman...)\r\n\r\n\"Is the basement upstairs?\" (Asked at First Floor Reference Desk)\r\nThis one gets the golden stupidity award!',NULL,0.00,NULL,138,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1740,12,'A-fishin\' We Will Go...','Seems about a year ago (1998) some airplane manufacturer employees decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747\'s.\r\n\r\nThey got it off the plane, out the gate and were having a good time fishing on the Stilliquamish. All of a sudden the Coast Guard Chopper came wop-wop-ing in, homing on the emergency frequency locator beacon that was activated when the boys inflated the raft at the river.\r\n\r\n(Note: The boys are no longer with said aircraft company.)',NULL,0.00,NULL,115,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1741,12,'At the crazy farm!','A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds, and he entered a patient\'s room to find his patient sitting on the floor, sawing at a piece of wood with the side of his hand.\r\n\r\nMeanwhile, another patient was in the room, hanging from the ceiling by his feet.\r\n\r\nThe doctor asked his patient what he was doing, sitting on the floor.\r\nThe patient replied in an irritated fashion, \"Can\'t you see I\'m sawing this piece of wood in half?\"\r\n\r\nThe doctor inquired, \"And what is the fellow hanging from the ceiling doing?\"\r\n\"Oh. He\'s my friend, but he\'s a little crazy. He thinks he\'s a lightbulb.\"\r\n\r\nThe doctor asks, \"If he\'s your friend, don\'t you think you should get him down from there before he hurts himself?\"\r\n\r\n\"What? And work in the dark!?!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,122,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1743,12,'Betting','There were two guys sitting in a plane. The one guy says lets play a game, I\'ll ask you a question if you get it right I give you 5 dollars.\r\n\r\nSo the other guy says fine if you get it right, I give you 50 dollars, if you get it wrong you give me 5.\r\n\r\nThe guy says ok.\r\n\r\nHe asks him what his name was the guy didn\'t know it so he payed him 5 dollars.\r\n\r\nSo the other guy asks what goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes down with 4.\r\n\r\nHe thinks and thinks but doesn\'t know so he pays him 50 dollars.\r\n\r\nHe asks what does go up ahill with 3 legs and comes down with 4.\r\n\r\nThe guy hands him 5 dollars.',NULL,0.00,NULL,142,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1744,12,'Blind man','I was walking into the store the other day when I saw this blind man an his seeing eye dog. Suddenly, the man grabs the dogs leash, and starts swinging the dog around his head. I walked up and said \" Hey, what the hell are you doin\"?\r\n\r\nThe blind man said \" Oh nothing, just lookin around.\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,131,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1746,12,'Camping with Sherlock Holmes','Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good\r\nmeal, they lay down and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. \"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see!\"\r\n\r\n\"I see millions of stars,\" Watson said.\r\n\"What does that tell you?\" Holmes asked.\r\n\r\nWatson replied. \"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful. Meteorologically, I suspect we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Holmes?\"\r\n\r\n\"Watson, you idiot,\" he said. \"Someone has stolen our tent!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,105,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1747,12,'Clear Weather?','As a couple sat in the living room, watching TV, the phone rang.\r\n\r\nThe husband picked it up, listened for a moment and then screamed, \"Damn it! How should I know? Call the weather bureau!\" and hung up.\r\n\r\n\"What was that all about?\" wife asked.\r\n\r\n\"Awww, some idiot wanted to know whether the coast was clear!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,118,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1748,12,'Cliffhanger','Once upon a time there were two men who had gone cliff climbing.\r\nSuddenly, one man lost his footing and went tumbling down to the bottom. The other man frantically screamed, \"Roger!\", and was relieved to hear a faint reply.\r\n\r\n\"Okay Rodge,\" shouted Barry, \"I\'m gonna throw a rope down to you, so wrap it \'round one of your legs and..\" but before he could finish, he heard Roger call \"But both my legs are broke.\"\r\n\r\nBarry suggested his arms, to which the reply was \"They\'re broken too!\" So finally, Roger held on with his mouth. Barry struggled to pull up the rope, and when he was nearly there, Barry said, \"You right there mate?\" to which Rodger replied,\"YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS........\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,128,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1749,12,'Coach Wants A Raise','The basketball coach stormed into the university president\'s office and demanded a raise right then and there.\r\n\r\n\"Please,\" protested the college President, \"you already make more than the entire History department.\"\r\n\r\n\"Yeah, maybe so, but you don\'t know what I have to put up with,\" the coach blustered. \"Look.\"\r\n\r\nHe went out into the hall and grabbed a jock who was jogging down the hallway. \"Run over to my office and see if I\'m there,\" he ordered.\r\n\r\nTwenty minutes later the jock returned, sweaty and out of breath.\r\n\r\n\"You\'re not there, sir,\" he reported.\r\n\r\n\"Oh, I see what you mean,\" conceded the President, scratching his head. \"I would have phoned.\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,113,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1753,12,'Diving Deep','One day a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 ft below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, but he had on no scuba gear whatsoever.\r\n\r\nThe diver went below another 20 ft, but the guy joined him a few minutes later. The diver went below 25 ft, but minutes later, the same guy joined him. This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalk-and-board set, and wrote, \"How the hell are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?\"\r\n\r\nThe guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written, and wrote -\r\n\r\n\"I\'M DROWNING, YOU MORON!!!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,130,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1755,12,'Don\'t eat and drive!','I was in a car dealership a while ago when a large new motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in \"Twister.\"\r\n\r\nI asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the cruise control, then went in back to make a sandwich!',NULL,0.00,NULL,124,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1756,12,'Don\'t look down!','A man lay spread out over three seats in the second row of a movie theater.\r\n\r\nAs he lay there breathing heavily, an usher came over and said, \"That\'s very rude of you, sir, taking up three seats. Didn\'t you learn any manners! Where did you come from?\"\r\n\r\nThe man looked up helplessly and said, \"The balcony!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,120,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1757,12,'Driving Violations','A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer. The following exchange takes place....\r\n\r\nThe man says \"What\'s the problem officer?\"\r\nOfficer: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.\r\nMan: No sir, I was going 65.\r\nWife: Oh, Harry. You were going 80.\r\n[Man gives his wife a dirty look.]\r\n\r\nOfficer: I\'m also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.\r\nMan: Broken tail light? I didn\'t know about a broken tail light!\r\nWife: Oh Harry, you\'ve known about that tail light for weeks.\r\n[Man gives his wife a dirty look.]\r\n\r\nOfficer: I\'m also going to give you a citation for not wearing your\r\nseat belt.\r\nMan: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.\r\nWife: Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt.\r\nMan turns to his wife and yells: \"Shut your damn mouth!\"\r\n\r\nOfficer turns to the woman and asks, \"Ma\'am, does your husband talk to you like this all the time?\r\nWife says: \"No, only when he\'s drunk!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,113,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1758,12,'Drunk','A guy is swerving down the road and gets pulled over. The cop says,\r\n\"You have to take a Breathalyzer test.\" The guy says, \"I can\'t. I have asthma, and it\'ll start me on a coughing fit.\"\r\n\r\nThe cop says, \"Then I have to give you a blood test.\" The guy says, \"You can\'t. I\'m a hemophiliac, and if you prick me, I\'ll bleed all over the place.\"\r\n\r\nThe cops says, \"Then you have to get out of the car and walk a straight line.\"\r\nThe guy says, \"I can\'t.\"\r\nThe cop says, \"Why not?\"\r\nThe guy says, \"Because I\'m drunk you idiot... didn\'t you see the way I was driving!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,115,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1759,12,'Engineers Laying Sod','A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out \"GREEN SIDE UP!\"\r\n\r\nIn the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled \"GREEN SIDE UP!\" The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing.\r\n\r\nIn the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled \"GREEN SIDE UP!\"\r\n\r\nThe lady then asked him, \"Why do you keep yelling \'green side up\'?\"\r\n\r\n\"I\'m sorry,\" came the reply.\"But I have a crew of engineers laying sod across the street.',NULL,0.00,NULL,116,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1760,12,'First Child','A man speaks frantically into the phone, \"My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!\"\r\n\r\n\"Is this her first child?\" the doctor queries.\r\n\r\n\"No, you idiot!\" the man shouts. \"This is her husband!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,115,1,1,2,'2',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1761,17,'Halloween Funnies!','Halloween Funnies:\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWhat do Skeletons say before eating?\r<BR>\nBone Appetite.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWhat do blondes and Jack-O-Lanterns have in common?\r<BR>\nBoth have blank expressions and are hollow inside.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWhy did the Vampire get fired from the Blood Bank?\r<BR>\nHe was caught drinking on the job.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWhy do ghosts have so much trouble dating?\r<BR>\nWomen can see right through them.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWhy are Vampires Democrats?\r<BR>\nThey want Gore in 2000.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWhat kind of clothes do Zombies wear?\r<BR>\nDecay NY.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWhy aren\'t there any famous skeletons?\r<BR>\nThey\'re a bunch of no bodies.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWhat kind of music do Mummies listen to?\r<BR>\nWrap.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWhat do you call a guy turned on by a witch?\r<BR>\nScared stiff.',NULL,0.00,NULL,462,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1766,17,'Christmas and a day at the office?','Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nA: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.',NULL,2.00,2,580,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1773,17,'A Cynics Guide to Life','The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nI believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows And a foundation leaks and a ball game gets rained out and a car rusts and...\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nFollow your dream! Unless it\'s the one where you\'re at work in your underwear during a fire drill.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nAlways take time to stop and smell the roses... and sooner or later, you\'ll inhale a bee.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nDo not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either, just leave me alone.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nIf you don\'t like my driving, don\'t call anyone. Just take another road. That\'s why the highway department made so many of them.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nIf a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek. Nothing gets the message across like a good mooning.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWhen I\'m feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor\'s dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nIt\'s always darkest before dawn. So if you\'re going to steal the neighbor\'s newspaper, that\'s the time to do it.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nA handy telephone tip: Keep a small chalkboard near the phone.\r<BR>\nThat way, when a salesman calls, you can hold the receiver up to it and run your fingernails across it until he hangs up.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nEach day I try to enjoy something from each of the four food groups: the bonbon group, the salty-snack group, the caffeine group, and the \"whatever-the-thing-in-the-tinfoil-in-the-back-of-the- fridge-is\" group.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nInto every life some rain must fall. Usually when your car windows are down.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nust remember... You gotta break some eggs to make a real mess on the neighbor\'s car!\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWhen you find yourself getting irritated with someone, try to remember that all men are brothers... and just give them a noogie or an Indian burn.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThis morning I woke up to the unmistakable scent of pigs in a blanket. That\'s the price you pay for letting the relatives stay over.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nIt\'s a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nKeep your nose to the grindstone and your shoulder to the wheel...it\'s cheaper than plastic surgery.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThis land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nLove is like a roller coaster: when it\'s good you don\'t want to get off, and when it isn\'t... you can\'t wait to throw up.',NULL,0.00,NULL,373,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1774,17,'Christmas Punnies!','What do elves learn in school?\r<BR>\nThe ELF-abet.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nHow many reindeer does Santa have?\r<BR>\n11 (named below):\r<BR>\nDasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen,\r<BR>\nRudolph (the one with the red nose),\r<BR>\nOlive (all of the other reigndeer)\r<BR>\nand Al (Then Al the reigndeer loved him all).\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWhat nationality is Santa Claus?\r<BR>\nNorth Polish\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWhat kind of bird can write?\r<BR>\nA PEN-guin\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWhy does Santa\'s sled get such good mileage?\r<BR>\nBecause it has long distance-runners on each side.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWhy does Scrooge love Rudolph-the red-nosed reindeer?\r<BR>\nBeacuse every buck is dear to him.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWhat do you get if you deep-fry Santa Claus?\r<BR>\nCrisp Cringle\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWhat did the ghosts say to Santa Claus?\r<BR>\nWe\'ll have a \"boo\" Christmas without you.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nELF#1: What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve?\r<BR>\nELF#2: \"OKay everyone, sack time!\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nIf athletes get athlete\'s foot, what do astronauts get?\r<BR>\nMissletoe!!!!!',NULL,5.00,1,1300,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1926,18,'Help from Canada...','PRESS RELEASE:\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nPrime Minister of Canada to Visit Washington Statement by the Press Secretary \r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nPresident Bush and Prime Minister John Chretien of Canada met on Sept. 24th with the Canadian Leader strongly supporting the war on terrorism. Prime Minister Chretien issued the following statement:\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nCANADIANS WILL HELP AMERICA WITH THE WAR ON TERRORISM!\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWE HAVE PLEDGED:\r<BR>\n- 2 BATTLE SHIPS,\r<BR>\n- 600 GROUND TROOPS,\r<BR>\n- 6 FIGHTER JETS.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nAFTER THE AMERICAN EXCHANGE RATE, THEY WILL END UP WITH:\r<BR>\n- 2 CANOES,\r<BR>\n- 6 MOUNTIES,\r<BR>\n- AND A BUNCH OF FLYING SQUIRRELS',NULL,0.00,NULL,264,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1927,18,'Goodbye To Bin Laden','Written by a Viet Nam Vet\r<BR>\nGOD BLESS AMERICA!\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"In Memory of The Twin Towers\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWarning song to Osama bin Laden\r<BR>\n(the tune of Rawhide)\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe devil came from nowhere\r<BR>\nHe attacked us from the sky.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nHe bloodied up our nation\r<BR>\ndidn\'t give a reason why.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nNow he\'s placed a spear in our eye\r<BR>\nsaid its done it Allahs name\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nSo God\'s coming lookin for him\r<BR>\nAnd he\'s got himself to blame.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nNo more runnin, no more hiding, there\'s no place for you to go\r<BR>\nFor the wrath of God is coming and he isn\'t movin slow.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nYou defiled the love of all mankind without a single thought\r<BR>\nAnd the world is coming for you now with everything its got.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nJust go hidin in your hills\r<BR>\nYou\'ll be buried in your caves.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nYou\'ll get what you\'ve got comin now\r<BR>\nFor being Satans slaves.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nYou\'ve woke the sleeping giant\r<BR>\nFrom his legendary sleep\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nNow with open roar like lions\r<BR>\nThere\'s one promise he will keep\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nNo more runnin, no more hiding, there\'s no place for you to go\r<BR>\nFor the wrath of God is coming and he isn\'t movin slow.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nYou\'ve defiled the love of all mankind without a single thought\r<BR>\nAnd the world is coming for you now with everything its got.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nSo don\'t close your eyes a moment\r<BR>\nCause you surely see death there.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nDon\'t waste your time in moanin\r<BR>\nYou just haven\'t got a prayer.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nYou chose to terrify the world\r<BR>\nwith your sensely killing spree\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nBrought violence into our lives\r<BR>\nPlaced hate inside of me.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nNo more runnin, no more hiding, there\'s no place for you to go\r<BR>\nFor the wrath of God is coming and he isn\'t movin slow.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nYou\'ve defiled the love of all mankind without a single thought\r<BR>\nAnd the world is coming for you now with everything its got.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nIn this peaceful loving Nation\r<BR>\nHome of brave and of the free\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nAll are calling up your number\r<BR>\nover land and over sea\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWe have seen the vileness in your soul\r<BR>\nthe horrors you create\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nNow this angry nations coming\r<BR>\nlook around we\'re at your gate\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nNo more runnin, no more hiding, there\'s no place for you to go\r<BR>\nFor the wrath of God is coming and he isn\'t movin slow.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nYou\'ve defiled the love of all mankind without a single thought\r<BR>\nAnd the world is coming for you now with everything its got.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nYes this world is coming for you now (Pause) with everything its got.',NULL,0.33,3,641,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1928,18,'GOD\'s New Commandment!','NEWS FLASH - GOD ANNOUNCES THE 11TH COMMANDMENT!\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nDuring a recent staff meeting in Heaven, God, Moses, and Saint Peter concluded that the behavior of Ex-President Clinton has brought about the need for an eleventh commandment.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThey worked long and hard in a brain-storming session to try to settle on the wording of the new commandment, because they realized that it should have the same style, majesty and dignity as the original ten. They began their brain-storming and came up with the 11th.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nAfter many revisions, they finally agreed that the eleventh commandment should be:\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"Thou shalt not comfort thy rod with thy staff.\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,235,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1929,18,'George W Bush meets Moses!','George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm. George W. approached the man and inquired, \"Aren\'t you Moses?\" The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nGeorge W. positioned himself more directly in the man\'s view and asked again, \"Aren\'t you Moses?\" The man continued to peruse the ceiling. George W. tugged at the man\'s sleeve and asked once again, \"Aren\'t you Moses?\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe man finally responded in an irritated voice, \"YES, I AM!\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nGeorge W. asked him why he was so uppity and had taken so long to answer him.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe man replied, \"The last time I spoke to a Bush I ended up stuck in a desert for forty years!',NULL,0.00,NULL,313,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1937,18,'Clinton Strikes again','The Secret Service got a real scare the other day when someone threw a beer at Bill Clinton during his morning jog.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nFortunately, it was a draft, so he was able to dodge it.',NULL,0.00,NULL,276,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (1967,18,'Monica Counters Clinton','AP - Monica Lewinsky, in a statement released today, countered President Clinton\'s firm denial:\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\"I have had enough. This whole experience has left a bitter taste in my mouth, and I can\'t stomach any more. I feel as if I am getting the shaft, that this ugly matter has come to a head and blown up in my face.\"\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\"This may be a load to handle, but when things are hard, that is when I am at my best. I have faced hard things in the past, and I know what is coming. I will meet this challenge the only way that I know how: head on.\"\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\"I have licked bigger things than this before, and I will again. No one will ever be able to say that Monica Lewinsky isn\'t a finisher, that she quit before the job was done. I will work non-stop and fight this, blow by blow, until I am wiped clean of this dirty affair. I will not be stained by it.\"\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\"Thank you.\"\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\nMonica Lewinsky',NULL,2.00,2,257,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2299,25,'Famous Sports Quotes','Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: \"I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nNew Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: \"I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes\r<BR>\nfirst.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nAnd, upon hearing Joe Jacoby of the \'Skins say \"I\'d run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl,\" Matt Millen of the Raiders said, \"To win, I\'d run over Joe\'s mom too.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nFootball commentator and former player Joe Theismann 1996: \"Nobody in football should be called a genius.. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nOiler coach Bum Phillips: When asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded, \"Because she is too\r<BR>\ndamn ugly to kiss goodbye.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nSenior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: \"I\'m going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nClemson recruit Ray Forsythe, who was ineligible as a freshman because of academic requirements: \"I play football. I\'m not trying to be a professor. The tests don\'t seem to make sense to me, measuring your brain on stuff I haven\'t been through in school.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nBoxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King: \"Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nStu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: \"That\'s so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my @#%#%@ clothes.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nShaquille O\'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece: \"I can\'t really remember the names of the clubs that we went to.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nShaquille O\'Neal, on his lack of championships: \"I\'ve won at every level, except college and pro.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nLou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: \"He\'s a guy who gets up at six o\'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nPat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his team\'s 7-27 record: \"We can\'t win at home. We can\'t win on the road. As general manager, I just can\'t figure out where else to play.\" (1992)\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nTommy Lasorda, Dodger manager, when asked what terms Mexican-born pitching sensation Fernando Valenzuela might settle for in his upcoming contract negotiations: \"He wants Texas back.\" (1981)\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nDarrell Royal, Texas football coach, asked if the abnormal number of Longhorn injuries that season resulted from poor physical conditioning: \"One player was lost because he broke his nose. How do you go about getting a nose in condition for football?\" (1966)\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nSteve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling Gator fans that a fire at Auburn\'s football dorm had destroyed 20 books: \"But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn\'t been colored yet.\" (1991)\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nJim Finks, New Orleans Saints G.M., when asked after a loss what he thought of the refs: \"I\'m not allowed to comment on lousy\r<BR>\nofficiating.\" (1986)\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nAlan Kulwicki, stock car racer, on racing Saturday nights as opposed to Sunday afternoons: \"It\'s basically the same, just darker.\" (1991)\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nLincoln Kennedy, Oakland Raiders tackle, on his decision not to vote: \"I was going to write myself in, but I was afraid I\'d get shot.\" (1996)\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nFrank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: \"I told him, \'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?\' He said, \'Coach, I don\'t know and I don\'t care.\'\" (1991)\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nShelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F\'s and one D: \"Son, looks to me like you\'re spending too much time on one subject.\" (1987)',NULL,0.00,NULL,450,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2312,25,'A Chicago man in hell.','A Chicago man dies and goes to hell.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWhen he gets there, the devil comes over to welcome him. The devil then says \"sometimes it gets pretty uncomfortable down here.\" \r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe man says, \"No problem. I\'m from Chicago.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nSo the devil goes over to the thermostat, turns the temperature up to 100, and the humidity up to 80. He then goes back to the Chicago man to see how he\'s doing. To the devil\'s surprise, the man is doing just fine. \r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"No problem...just like Chicago in June,\" the man says.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nSo the devil goes back over to the thermostat, and turns the temperature up to 150, and the humidity up to 90. He then goes back over to see how the Chicago man is doing. \r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe man is sweating a little, but overall looks comfortable.\r<BR>\n\"No problem. Just like Chicago in July,\" the man says.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nSo now the devil goes over to the thermostat, turns the temperature up to 200, and the humidity up to 100. When he goes back to see how the man is doing, the man is sweating profusely, and has taken his shirt off. Otherwise, he seems OK. \r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nHe says, \"no problem. Just like Chicago in August.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nNow the devil is really perplexed. So he goes back to the thermostat, and turns the temperature down to MINUS 150 DEGREES. Immediately, all the humidity in the air freezes up, and the whole place (meaning Hell) becomes a frigid, barren, frozen, deathly cold wasteland.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWhen he goes back now to see how the Chicago man is doing, he is shocked to discover the man is jumping up and down, and cheering in obvious delight. The devil immediately asks the man what\'s going on.\r<BR>\nTo which the Chicago man replies.....\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"THE CUBS WON THE WORLD SERIES!!!\"\r<BR>\n\"THE CUBS WON THE WORLD SERIES!!!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,345,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2317,25,'Buckeyes vs Wolverines!','In the Ohio State Buckeyes locker room in Columbus, there\'s a sign stating - \"Play like champions today!\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThere\'s also one in the Michigan Wolverines locker room that says:\r<BR>\n\"Don\'t forget your HELMET!\"',NULL,3.50,2,1230,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2319,25,'Drunk Cheerleader','Michael Irvin was complaining to Calvin Williams about his first trip to the Super Bowl and how hard it was to get any sleep the night before the big game. \"I was awakened at one, two and four in the morning by a drunk cheerleader banging on the door and screaming,\" he recalled.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"That\'s terrible,\" said Williams. \"How\'d you ever get any sleep?\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"At five o\'clock I finally unlocked the door and let her out,\" replied Irvin.',NULL,0.00,NULL,337,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2332,25,'Kid divorces his parents','There was this kid who wanted to divorce his parents, so he takes them to court.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe judge says, \"do you want to live with your dad?\" the kid says \"no! he beats me!\".\r<BR>\nThe judge says,\"you want to live with your mom?\" \"no! she beats me too!\".\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nSo the judge says, \"who do you want to live with then?\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe kid says, \"The Cleveland Browns...they can\'t beat anybody!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,258,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2336,25,'Sid and Barney play golf','Sid and Barney head out for a quick round of golf. Since they are short on time, they decide to play only 9 holes. Sid offers Barney, \"let\'s say we make the time worth the while, at least for one of us, and spot $5 on the lowest score for the day.\" Barney agrees and they enjoy a great game. After the 8th hole, Barney is ahead by 1 stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th.\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\"Help me find my ball, you look over there,\" he says to Sid.  fter 5 minutes, neither has had any luck, and since a lost ball carries a four-point penalty, Barney pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. \"I\'ve found my ball!\" he announces triumphantly.\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\nSid looks at him forlornly, \"After all the years we\'ve been friends, you\'d cheat me on golf for a measly five bucks?!?\"\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\"What do you mean cheat?  I found my ball sitting right here!\"\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\"And a liar, too!!!\"  Sid says with amazement.\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\"I\'ll have you know I\'ve been standing on your ball for the last five minutes!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,830,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2347,25,'The Pessimist!','An optimist sees the best in the world, while a pessimist sees only the worst. An optimist finds the positive in the negative, and a pessimist can only find the negative in the positive.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nFor example, an avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nHe decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nAs they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nOn the drive home the hunter asked his friend, \"Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"I sure did,\" responded the pessimist. \"Your dog can\'t swim!\"',NULL,0.00,NULL,975,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2351,25,'Where Do We Play?','Pat Williams, general manager of the Orlando Magic, on his team\'s woeful record:\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"We can\'t win at home. We can\'t win on the road. As general manager, I just can\'t figure out where else to play.\"',NULL,10.00,1,1793,1,1,1,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2493,27,'Absent From School Excusess','1. Dear School: Please excuse John from being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n2. Please excuse Dianne from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n3. Please excuse Johnnie for being. It was his father\'s fault.\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n4. Chris will not be in school because he has an acre in his side.\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n5. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face.\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n6. Excuse Gloria. She has been under the doctor.\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n7. Lillie was absent from school yesterday because she had a going over.\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n8. My son is under the doctor\'s care and should not take fizical ed. Please execute him.\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n9. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hit in the growing part.\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n10. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent this weekend with the Marines.\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n11. Please excuse Joyce from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday she fell off a tree and misplaced her hip.\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n12. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n13. Maryann was absent Dec. 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low-grade fever. There must be the flu going around, her father even got hot last night.\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n14. Please excuse Blanche from jim today. She is administrating.\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n15. George was absent yesterday because he had a stomach.\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n16. Ralph was absent yesterday because he had a sore trout.\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n17. Please excuse Sara for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n18. Please excuse Lupe. She is having problems with her ovals.\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n<BR>\r<BR>\n19. Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had diah(*crossed out*), diahoah(*crossed out*), dyah(*crossed out*) the shits.',NULL,1.40,5,2587,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2496,27,'Less Common Latin Phrases','Quo signo nata es?\r<BR>\nWhat\'s your sign?\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nRomani quidem artem amatoriam invenerunt.\r<BR>\nYou know, the Romans invented the art of love.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nO! Plus! Perge! Aio! Hui! Hem!\r<BR>\nOh! More! Go on! Yes! Ooh! Ummm!\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nSpero nos familiares mansuros.\r<BR>\nI hope we\'ll still be friends.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nMellita, domi adsum.\r<BR>\nHoney, I\'m home.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nTam exanimis quam tunica nehru fio.\r<BR>\nI am as dead as the nehru jacket.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nVentis secundis, tene cursum.\r<BR>\nGo with the flow.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nTotum dependeat.\r<BR>\nLet it all hang out.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nTe precor dulcissime supplex!\r<BR>\nPretty please with a cherry on top!\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nMagister Mundi sum!\r<BR>\nI am the Master of the Universe!\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nFac me cocleario vomere!\r<BR>\nGag me with a spoon!\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nTe audire no possum. Musa sapientum fixa est in aure.\r<BR>\nI can\'t hear you. I have a banana in my ear.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nEstne volumen in toga, an solum tibi libet me videre?\r<BR>\nIs that a scroll in your toga, or are you just happy to see me?\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nPrehende uxorem meam, sis!\r<BR>\nTake my wife, please!\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nQuantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari?\r<BR>\nHow much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nNihil est-in vita priore ego imperator Romanus fui.\r<BR>\nThat\'s nothing-in a previous life I was a Roman Emperor.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nAio, quantitas magna frumentorum est.\r<BR>\nYes, that is a very large amount of corn.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nRecedite, plebes! Gero rem imperialem!\r<BR>\nStand aside plebians! I am on imperial business.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nOblitus sum perpolire clepsydras!\r<BR>\nI forgot to polish the clocks!\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nVescere bracis meis.\r<BR>\nEat my shorts.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nSic faciunt omnes.\r<BR>\nEveryone is doing it.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nVacca foeda\r<BR>\nStupid cow\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nFac ut vivas.\r<BR>\nGet a life.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nRaptus regaliter\r<BR>\nRoyally screwed\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nAnulos qui animum ostendunt omnes gestemus!\r<BR>\nLet\'s all wear mood rings!\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nInsula Gilliganis\r<BR>\nGilligan\'s Island',NULL,1.00,1,1512,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2505,27,'Definition of a good date!','These three women were roommates. One night they all had all gone out on dates and all came home at about the same time. \r\n\r\nThe first one said, \"You know you\'ve been on a good date when you come home with your hair all messed up.\" \r\n\r\nThe second one said, \"No, you know you\'ve been on a good date when you come home with your makeup all smeared.\"\r\n\r\nThe third one said nothing, but reached under her skirt, removed her panties and threw them against the wall, where they stuck.\r\nShe said, \"Now THAT\'S a good date!!\"',NULL,3.33,3,1896,1,1,2,'1',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2508,27,'He shouldn\'t have asked!','MR. SMITH got himself a new secretary.\r<BR>\nShe was young, sweet and pretty.\r<BR>\nOne day, while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nWhen leaving the room she said, \"Oh, Mr. Smith, did you know your barracks door is open?\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nHe did not understand her remark, but later he happened to look down and saw his zipper was open.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nHe decided to have some fun with his new secretary. Calling her in he asked, \"By the way Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door open did you also see a soldier standing at attention?\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe secretary who was quite witty said, \"Why no Mr. Smith.\r<BR>\nAll I saw was a little disabled veteran sitting on two duffle bags.\"',NULL,2.00,5,1908,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2527,27,'Shiny New Motorcycle','An engineering student is walking on campus one day, when another engineer student rides up on a shiny new motorcycle.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\n\"Where did you get such a functional bike?\" asked the first.\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe second engineer replied: \"Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes, spread her arms wide and said: \"Take what you want.\"\r<BR>\n\r<BR>\nThe second engineer nodded approvingly: \"Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn\'t have fit.\"',NULL,2.00,4,2280,1,1,0,'',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2579,28,'More Your Mommas','Your Momma sooo ugly, when she go to the beach the tide don\'t come in!\r\n\r\nYour Momma so dirty, when she stand next to a building she look like an alley!\r\n\r\nYour Momma so poor, she go to Mcdonalds to put a shake on layaway!\r\n\r\nYour Momma so dumb, she called information to ask for the number to 911!\r\n\r\nYour Momma so fat her belt size says \"equator\".',NULL,0.00,15,2518,1,1,2,'3',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2591,28,'Yo mama\'s so poor','Yo mama\'s so poor she wears her McDonald\'s uniform to church\r\n\r\nYo mama\'s so poor, I walked into her house and swatted a fly, she yelled \"Hey where\'d grandma go?!?!?!\"\r\n\r\nYo mama\'s so poor when I went to her house and asked to use the bathroom, she said \"Two trees to your left\"\r\n\r\nYo mama\'s so poor when she heard about the last supper, she thought she ran out of food stamps.',NULL,0.05,21,4567,1,1,2,'3',NULL,NULL);
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2592,16,'Nissan Z ','          The  Nissan Z  is  worn  out , the  car  has  reached  the  end  of  the  Alphabet .',NULL,10.00,1,151,0,18,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2593,25,'Michael  Schumacher ','           Murray  Walker  is  announcing  a  Formula  One  car  race  and  he  says :  Michael  Schumacher  is  in  the  lead , he  is  in  a  winning  position , he  is  advirtising  Marlboro  cigarettes  and  his  emphysema  is  on  winning .',NULL,0.00,NULL,213,0,18,0,'0','Andy Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2594,16,'Two  story  house ','         A  two  story  house  was  sold . Story  number  one :  Neighbours  from  Hell and  Story  number  two : The  house  is  being  eaten  away  by  termites .',NULL,0.00,NULL,121,0,18,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2595,25,'Japanese  boomerangs ','          During  the  1956  Olympic  Games  held  in  Melbourne , some  Australian  Aborigines  were  selling  boomerangs  as  souveners .  Boomerangs  that  were................made  in  Japan .',NULL,0.00,NULL,299,0,18,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2596,27,'Bottom  of  the  class . ','             When  I  was  at  school  I  was  so  dumb  the  teacher  said  to  me \" Andy  Wilmot , you\'re  so  dumb , you  are  the  bottom  of  the  class !\" ....................and  I  said  back  to  the  teacher \" I  thought  the  inteligent  girl  I  have  a  crush  on , she  is  the  exchange  student  from  South  West  Germany  and  her  name  is Elli  Schauble .  I  thought  that  she , yes  she  is  the ............bottom  of  the  class !\" .',NULL,0.00,NULL,234,0,19,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2597,16,'Italian \'49er ','            He  was  born  in  the  suberb  of  Monza  in  the  North  Italian  city  of  Torino  in  the  year  1820  asnd  was  named  Nogar  Raphie .  In  the  year  1845  Nogar  Raphie  emmigrated  to  the  United  States  and  settled  in  the  State  of  Kentucky .....................Upon  hearing  of  the  San  Francisco  Gold  Rush , he  went  to  Northern  California  in  the  year  1849 , and  had  no  luck  in  finding  gold . His  desire  to  find  gold  could  not  go  away , he  heard  about  the  Australian  Gold  Rush  in  the  year  1851  and  headed straight  towards  Ballarat  Victoria ....................South  of  Ballarat  in  the  suberb  of  Mount  Helen  Nogar  Raphie  had  a  tragic  accident , he  fell  down  a  six  hundred  foot  deep  mine  shaft . Word  gets  around.............at  the  minefeilds , Norgar  Raphie  fell  down  a  mineshaft............at  the  bar, Nogar  Raphie  fell  down  a  mineshaft...........at  the  bordello , Nogar  Raphie  has  fallen  down  a  mineshaft............at the  Post  Office , Nogar  Raphie  has  fallen  down  a  mineshaft   and  finaly  at  the  church , Nogar  Raphie  has  fallen  down  a  mineshaft .  The  caring  Catholic  preist  says............Poor Nogar  Raphie.................pornography . ',NULL,0.00,NULL,135,0,19,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2598,17,'Merry  K-mart ','            During  December  Father  Christmas  Father  Christmas  rings  his  bell  and  shouts  out  loud \" Merry   K-mart.......Merry  K-mart...........Merry  K-mart \" .',NULL,0.50,2,233,0,19,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2599,3,'Drunk  cowboy ','               The  name  of  the  drunk  cowboy  is............John  Wine .',NULL,0.00,NULL,398,0,19,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2600,16,' In  the  movies  they  don\'t  go  to  the  toilet ','            Have  you  ever  noticed  that  when  you\'re  watching  the  movies , nobody  ever  goes  to  the  toilet , that\'s  right  nobody  ever  goes  to  the  toilet ........................In  the  movie  entitled  \" The  Ten  Commandments \"  the  Jews  are  leaving  Egypt  and are  heading  towards  Isreal  and  not  one  Hebrew  says  \" Hey  Moses , do  you  mind  if  I  go  behind  the  sand  dune  for  a  crap \" . Fifty  Five  days  in  Peking , Around  the  World  in  Eighty  Days  and  not  to  mention  Seven  Years  in Tibet , that\'s  extraordinary .....................In  the  movie  entitled  \" Easy  Rider \" Peter  Fonda  and  Dennis  Hopper  drive  their  motorcycles  all  the  way  from  Los  Angeles  to  New  Orleans , or  should  I  say  what\'s  left  of  New  Orleans .  In  this  movie  Peter  Fonda  and  Dennis  Hopper  eat , they  sleep , they  buy  petrol , they  talk  about  UFOs , they  smoke  marijuana , they  visit  a  hippie  colony  and  a  whorehouse  and  even  snort  cocaine . but  not  once  do  they  go  behind  a  tree  to  release  the  amber  fluid .....................and  finaly  John  Wayne  says  \" A  man\'s  gotta  do , what  a  man\'s  gotta  do  and  as  a  man  gets  older , he  does  it  more  often \" .',NULL,0.00,NULL,116,0,19,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2601,18,'Dirty  old  men  with  beards .','            Have  you  ever  wondered  where  \" Beware  of  dirty  old  men  with  beards , they  molest  little  girls  came  from ? .  This  was  Anti  Jewish  propaganda  put  into  the  minds  of  little  school  children  in  Nazi  Germany  during  the  1930s ..............In  the  year  1937 in  the  South  Western  city  of  Freiburg  a  little  seven  year  old  girl  sees  an  elderly  bearded  Jewish  man .  And  at  the  top  of  her  voice  she  yelled  \" Don\'t  mollest  me  you  Jewish  vermin \"  and  the  elderly  Jewish  man  says  to  the  little  girl \" Don\'t  worry  be  seventeen \" and  the  little  girl  says  \" In  the  year  1947  I  will  be  seventeen \"  and  the  elderly  Jew  says  \" I  have  extra  sensory  perception , the Nazis  will  soon  murder  me  and  you  won\'t  be  seventeen , because  you  will  be  killed  by  a  B-17 \".and  the  little  girl  says  \" I  don\'t  beleive  you ! \"................................The  years  went  past  and  in  the  year  1939  the  elderly  Jew  was  murdered  by  the  Nazis . And  in  the  Month  of  Febuary 1944   Two  hundred  Boeing  B-17s  protected  and  escorted  by  P-51  Mustangs  are  heading  towards  Freiburg in  South  West  Germany .  All  two  hundred  arrive  above  Freiburg  undamaged ...........................Above  Freiburg  there  is  a  vibrating  roar , followed  by  the  whistling  of  bombs  being  dropped , followed  by  deafening  explosions , followed  by  blinding  cement  dust  and  finaly  at  the  age  of  fourteen  years  the  girl  at  the  start  of  this  joke  with  all  her  classmates  is  killed ....................and  she  and  her  classmates  sing \" Boeing.........Boeing..........Boeing............Boeing..........Gone ! \".',NULL,2.00,5,309,0,19,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot  ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2602,16,'Vietnambulance ','              The  Bell  Iriquois  was  a  helicopter  used  during  the  Vietnam  War , and  has  been  nicknamed  the  Vietnam  Warhorse .  An  old  Bell  Iriquois  has  recently  been  transformed  into  an  Air  Ambulance  and  the  helicopters\'  nickname  is  Vietnambulance .',NULL,0.00,NULL,127,0,19,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2603,6,'Buying  an  XP  computor  in 2007','              In  the  year 2007  Microsoft  introduced  the  new  Vista  Operating  System .  An  elderly  man  in  that  year  buys  a  brand  new  computor  with  the  XP  Operating  System , and  he  says  to  the  young  man  selling  the  Hewlet  Packard  computor  \" Better  the  Devil  you  know , than  the  Devil  you  don\'t  know \" .',NULL,0.00,NULL,314,0,19,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2604,8,'The  Fourty  year  old  virgin . ','               The  Fourty  year  old  virgin  went  to  the  doctor .  One  sickness  he  did  not  have  is  what\'s  called  venerable (not  a  spelling  mistake )  disease .',NULL,0.00,NULL,356,0,19,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2605,27,'Gift  for  the  teachers\'  pet ','            The accademicaly  dumb  boy  was  jealous  of  the  inteligent  girl  because  she  was  the  teachers  pet .  He  says  to  the  accademicaly  smart  girl \" You\'re  the  teachers\'  pet .........here\'s  your  kitty  litter  tray \" .',NULL,0.00,NULL,125,0,19,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2606,18,'Communist  Manifesto','           In  the  year  1848  Karl  Marx  and  Freiderich  Engels  published  a  book  entitled  \" Communist  Manifesto \" . If  Karl  Marx  and  Freiderich  were  honest  their  book  would  have  been  named.............Red  Bull .',NULL,0.00,NULL,243,0,19,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2607,17,'Four  weddings  and  a  funeral . ','            There  was  a  movie  staring  Hugh  Grant  called  \" Four  weddings  and  a  Funeral \". The  sequel  of  this  good  English  film  shall  be............\" Two  divorces  and  an  inheritance \" .',NULL,10.00,1,255,0,19,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2608,17,'Four  foot  long  white  box . ','                One  drunk  says  to  the other  drunk , \" Who\'s  the  kid  in  the  four  foot  long  white  box ? \"..........and  the  other  drunk  says  \" I  don\'t  know , but  he sure  is  early  for  his  funeral \" .',NULL,0.00,NULL,208,0,19,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot  ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2609,3,'When  I  was  at  school .','          When  I  wasat  school  I  was  so  dumb  the  teacher  said  to  me \" Andy  Wilmot , youre  so  dumb  you  are  the  bottom  of  the  class \".............and  I  said  back  to  the  teacher  \"  I  thought  that  the  inteligent  girl  I  have  a  crush  on , she  is  the  exchange  student  from  South  West  Germany , her  name  is  Elli  Schauble ............I  thought  that  she , yes  she  is  the............bottom  of  the  class \" .',NULL,0.00,NULL,499,0,19,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2610,2,'French  Revolution  Barbique ','       Bon  Jovi...........July  Four  tenths  is  Bar  stool  day..............There  will  be  a  barbique .  Oui  we  shall  have  a  good  time ............wealthy  citizens  get  in  for  your  chop  and  chops  and  do  not  make  a  guillotine  of  yourself...........and  remember  the  meat  tastes  better  if  it  is  Marie  Antoinetted .  Not  all  Australian  barbiques  are  made  by  Webber.............Mark  my  words .',NULL,0.00,NULL,191,0,20,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2611,18,'French  Revolution  Barbique .','       Bon  Jovi.........July  Four  tenths  is  Bar  stool  day.............There  will  be  a  Barbique.........Oui  we  shall  have  a  good  time...............Wealthy  citizens  get  in  for your  chop  or  chops   and  please  do  not  make  a  guillotine  of  yourself...............and  remember  the  meat  tastes  better  if  it  has  been  Marie  Antoineted ....................Not  all  Australian  barbiques  are  made  by  Webber.............Mark  my  words .',NULL,9.00,1,207,0,20,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2612,18,'Politicaly  correct  domestic . ','         The  policemans\'  lot  is  not  a  happy  one , we  have  to  put  up  with  the  worst  people  at  their  worst  behaviuor .  And  a  lot  of  calls  to  the  police  are  domestics  .  When  a  black  lady  is  bashing  up  her  white  husband , you  have  a  domestic   that  is...............politicaly  correct .',NULL,0.00,NULL,204,0,23,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2613,25,'Fast  food .','          During  an  SUV tour  of  Africa   Jack  Brabham  and  Cathy  Freeman  get  into  big  big  trouble .  Their  SUV  gets  bogged  in  the  mud , from  out  of  the  jungle  comes  a  tribe  of  cannibals , Jack  Brabham  and  Cathy  Freeman  are  taken  prisoner , stripped  naked , killed , cooked  and  eaten . While  being  eaten  one  cannibal  says  to  the  other  cannibal \" These  two  Australians  look  different  but  they  both  taste  like..............fast  food .',NULL,10.00,1,241,0,23,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2614,3,'Australias\'  two  dollar  coin .','            Australias\'  two  dollar  coin  has  Queen  Elizabeth 2  on  the  head  side  and  an  Australian  Aborigine  on  the  tail  side .  When  this  coin  was  introduced  Australians  made  many  a  joke  about  this  coin .  Heads  or  tails.......black  or  white.....him or  her.......dirty  or  clean.....drunk or  sober......dumb  or  smart....Oh   well  thats\'  Australias\'  two  dollar  coon ( not  a  spelling  mistake ) .',NULL,0.00,NULL,243,0,24,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2615,2,'Cologne  plesiosaur .','         The  Loch  Ness  Monster  is  beleived  to  be  a plesiosuur  that  survived  from  the  dinosoar  age .  A  plesiosaur  was  seen  at  Cologne  on  the  Rhine  River  ,  the  mysterious  animal  has  been  named   the  ( German  spelling )  Rheinosaurus ........isn\'t  that  a  horned  African  animal ? .',NULL,0.00,NULL,185,0,24,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2616,27,'Brothers  in  prejudice .','            The  Ku  Klux  Klan  enter  a  school .  The  children  disslike  the  KKK  because  they  judge  people  by  their  skin  colour  and  are  prejudice . The  KKK   are  welcomed  in  by  the  teachers  who  judge  people  by  a  number  and  are  prejudice  .  Teachers  and  Klansmen  are............brothers  in  prejudice . ',NULL,0.00,NULL,129,0,24,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2617,2,'  Very  black  cat .','            If  that  black  cat  was  any  blacker , he  would  have  thick  lips ! .',NULL,0.00,NULL,262,0,24,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2618,3,'Visiting  Venus  in  The  Tate  Gallery .','         An  Australian  enters  a  bar  and  tells  of  his  vacation  in  Europe ,  and  his  best  story  is  what  happened  in  Londons\'  Tate  Gallery ...............When  visiting  Londons\'  Tate  Gallery  of  fine  art  an  extraordinary  thing  occured , Venus  and  her  son  Cupid  came  out  of  a  10  feet  by  15  feet  painting . Venus  was  naked  and  because  of  her  top  tits  and  beaut\'  bum  she  was  a  beautifull  and  magnificent  woman .....................Cupid  was  a  very   very   naughty  little  boy , he  was  putting  arrows  through  some  very  valuable  paintings .  Cupid  said  to  me  \" I  am  a  naughty , naughty  little  boy ,  you  should  slap  me  on  the  bare  bottom ! \" .....................And  I  said  to  Cupid  \" Your  mother  Venus  is  a  very  irresponsible  parent , I  intend  to  slap  her  on  the  bare  bottom \"..............I  approached  Venus  and  she  said  to  me  \" You  lay  your  hands  on  my  beaut\'  bum  and  I\'ll  kick  you  in  the  balls \"............and  i  said  to  Venus ......\" Proceding  further  is....nuts !\" .',NULL,0.00,NULL,241,0,24,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2619,18,'You\'re  part  Jewish .','            During  the  Battle  of  Britain  a   Luftwaffe  bomber  is  shot  at  and  is  so  badly  damaged   it  is  unable  to  return  to  either  Occupied  France  or  the  Fatherland .  All  the  crew  bail  or  parachute  out ,  and  are  frightened  .............One  German  airmen  is  so  frightened  when  he  lands  he  urinates  in  front  of  women  and  girl  labourers ,  to  add  to  his  horror  one  of  the  women  speaks  to  him  in  fluent  German  and  with  a  German  accent  , because  she  is  a  German  Jew  .  Translated  she  said  this  .............\" You\'re  part  Jewish , you\'ve  been  circumcised ! \" .',NULL,9.00,1,192,0,24,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2620,2,'Jimney  Crickets\'  sex  crime ','          Jimney  Cricket  commited  a  sex  crime , it  was...........insects .',NULL,0.00,NULL,255,0,24,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2621,2,'Natalie  Woods\'  buriel .  ','         When  Natalie  Wood ( 1939  to  1983 ) was  buried , her  corpse  was  eaten  by..............termites .',NULL,0.00,NULL,186,0,24,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2622,16,'Dead  end  for  a  tourist  bus .','           The  tourist  bus  came  to  a  dead  end , it  broke  down  in..................Auschwitz .',NULL,0.00,NULL,131,0,24,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2623,27,'They\'re  degrading .','           Pornography  should  be  banned  because  it  degrades  women ,  schools  should  be  banned  because  they  degrade  academicaly  dumb  people .',NULL,0.00,NULL,144,0,24,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot  ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2624,16,'Barbie  Doll  in  a  coffin .','             A  little  girl  is  in  a  toy  shop  with  her  father  and  she  asks  \"  Daddy , Why  does  Barbie  Doll  come  in  a  coffin ? \"   and  her  Father  says  \"  She  had  to  die  of  Anorexia  Nervosa  eventualy !\". ',NULL,0.00,NULL,131,0,24,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2625,2,'Carlos  Reutteman  speed  hump .','             Carlos  Reutteman  was  and  is  one  of  the  greatest  Formula  One  racing  drivers  not  to  have  won  the  World  title .  Today  Carlos  Reutteman  is  one  of  Argentinas\'  leading  politians , when  he  passes ( very  fast )  his  dead  body  can  be  used  as  a...............speed  hump .',NULL,0.00,NULL,216,0,24,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot  ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2626,3,'Mexican  tourist  in  Hawaii . ','              The  Mexican  tourist  in  Hawaii  enjoys  looking  at  the  Hula Hula  girls , he  shows  his  appreciation  by  saying .............Grassy  arse..........Grassy  arse .',NULL,0.00,NULL,316,0,24,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2627,18,'Daleks  don\'t  say  \" exterminate \"','            Have  you  noticed  that  when  you  are  watching  the  English  TV  show  entitled  \" Doctor  Who \" , that  those  Daleks  are  always  saying \" Exterminate , exterminate , exterminate \" .  Doctor  Who  invites  the  Daleks  into  the  Tardis  and  they  travel  through  time  and  space  to  Auschwitz  in  1943 .........................From  out  of  the  Tardis  come  the  Daleks , and  there  is  no  need  to  say  the  word ...........exterminate .',NULL,0.00,NULL,123,0,24,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot  ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2628,18,'Outlaw  Islamic  bikie  gang .','             Have  you  heard  of  the  Outlaw  Islamic  bikie  gang , they\'re  called.............The  Talibandidos .',NULL,0.00,NULL,194,0,24,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2629,18,'Confederate  Prisoners  of  War ','             After  a  major  battle  of  the  U.S. Civil  War  Confederates  are  taken  prisoner . One  Confederate  says  to  another  Confederate  \" We\'ve  been  taken  prisoner  by  those  from  the  North \"  and  the  other  prisoner  says \" You\'re  not  wrong , they\'re  from.............North  Vietnam \" .',NULL,0.00,NULL,173,0,24,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2630,3,'Tit  offensive ','           When  a  Vietnamese  lady  takes  her  bra  off  it\'s  the..............Tit  offensive .',NULL,0.00,NULL,375,0,24,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2631,2,'Mickey  Mouse  clock','              When  you  look  at  the  Mickey  Mouse  clock  at  half  past  six , Mickey  mouse  is  aching  to  go  to  the  toilet .',NULL,1.00,1,243,0,25,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2632,2,'Steve  Irwins\'  death  ','            When  Steve  Irwin  died  the  stingray  had  a  tale  to  tell .',NULL,0.00,NULL,210,0,25,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2633,18,'Pearl  Harbour ','             The  attack  on  Pearl  Harbour  on  December  the  Seventh  1941  was  led  by...............Miki  Moto .',NULL,1.00,1,195,0,25,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2634,2,'Bullwinkles  antlers ','            Rocky  the  beaver  says  to  Bullwinkle  the  moose  \" Why  do  you  now  have  aluminium  antlers ? \".................and  Bullwinkle  replies \" I\'ve  become  addicted  to  television , and  the  aluminium  antlers  can  be  used  as  a  TV  antenna \" .',NULL,0.00,NULL,197,0,25,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2635,2,'Hannibals\'  elephants .','         In  the  year  218  B.C.  Hannibal  took  his  army  and  elephants  across  the  Swiss Alps  and  into  Northern  Italy .  For  the  first  time  in  his  life  a  slave  working  on  a  farm  sees  an  elephant , and  he  says ...................Those  animals  are  strange  they  look  as  though  they  are  walking  backwards , they  pick up  food  with  their  tails , eat  with  their  bums  and  shit  with  their  faces .',NULL,0.00,NULL,177,0,25,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2636,27,'Slave  auction  in  Ancient  Rome .','          During  a  slave  auction  in  Ancient  Rome  a  black  slave  from  Africa  is  sold  for  ninety  six  ounces  of  gold . A  blonde  slave  from  the Rhine  is  sold  for  eighty  four  ounces  of  gold , the  blond  slave  says  to  the  black  slave............\" I  can\'t  beleive  that  a  black  person  is  worth  more  than  a  white  person \".',NULL,0.00,NULL,119,0,25,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2637,18,'Origins  of  Australian  humour .','             Where  does  Australian  humour  originate ?  Australian  humour  originated  in  Ireland , there  is  no  Australian  Aboriginal  humour ....................but  there  is  plenty  of  humour  about  Australian  Aborigines .',NULL,0.00,NULL,175,0,25,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2638,18,'Hadriens\'  Wall ','          Hadriens\'  Wall  was  not  builed  by  the  Romans  to  keep  the  Scots  out  of  Roman  England  or  Brittania  as  the  Romans  called  it .  Hadriens\'  Wall  was  builed  by  the  Scotchmen  so  as  to  prevent  Roman  Legioneres  from  finding  out............what  a  Scotsman  wears  under  his  kilt .',NULL,0.00,NULL,167,0,25,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2639,3,'Supporting  my  family','         There\'s  this  Austrian  Aborigine  in  an  Australian  bar  spending  lots  of  money  on  alcohol.  He  uses  the  park  bench  to  support  his  family .',NULL,0.00,NULL,264,0,26,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2640,27,'Arse  end  of  the  Alphabet .','         Former  Australian  Primeminister  Paul  Keating  called  Australia  \" The  Arse  end  of  the  World \" .  Thank  goodness  Paul  Keating  is  not  teaching  little  children  to  read , if  Paul  Keating  was  teaching  little  children  to  read  he  would  say ...........\" Scumboys  and  scumbitches .....the  letter  capital  B  is  the  ares  end  of  the  Alphabet , if  you  invert  the  Capitol  B , this  letter  looks  like  a  well  rounded  girls\'  bum  with  a  G-string  on .  As  you  can  see  the  right  buttock  is  smaller  than  the  left  buttock .................well  Capital  B  well  and  truly  the  Arse  end  of  the  Alphabet \" .',NULL,0.00,NULL,128,0,26,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2641,3,'Why  don\'t  you  shut  up','        A  man  who  visits  the  bar  to  get  away  from  his  nagging  wife  says :  Ioften  say  to  my  noisy  nagging  wife  \"  Why  don\'t  you  shut  up ! \". And  she  says  back  to  me  \" Thieu ( pronounced  t\'yuu )  was  the  last  President  of  South  Vietnam ! \" .',NULL,0.00,NULL,278,0,29,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2642,3,'Nothing  but  bad  breath ','              My  wife  who  nags  and  nags  and  nags  teaches  me  nothing , but  I  do  learn  that  she  has ...........bad  breath ! .',NULL,0.00,NULL,273,0,29,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2643,18,'Gulags  in  Russia .','               A  little  boy  asks  his  Father  \"  Daddy ,  Why  did  they  have  Gulags ( forced  labour  camps )  in  Russia ?.\"................And  Daddy  says :  \" Well  in  the  1917  Russian  Revolution , the  Bolsheviks  murdered  the  employers................and  Gulags  or  forced  labour  camps ............solved  the  unemployment  problem ! \" .',NULL,0.00,NULL,179,0,29,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2644,18,'Primeminister  Stop ','              Australia  from  1965  to  1969   had  a  Primeminister  by  the  name  of  Harold  Holt . Halt  means  stop  in  German , when  he  drowned  and their  was  a  tribute  to  the  deceased  Primeminister  the  news  reader  in  Germany  said  \"  The  life  of  the  Australian  Primeminister  Harold  Stop  has  come  to  a  halt \" .',NULL,0.00,NULL,159,0,29,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2645,25,'Shayne  Warnes\'  good  life / bad  health .','         Cricket  comentators  Lionel  Ritchie  and  Tony  Greig  have  a  talk .  Lionel  asks  Tony  \" Have  you  read  any  good  books  lately ? \".......and  Tony  replies  \" To  be  honest  with  you , I  haven\'t  read  any  good  books  lately ,  but  I  have  recently  read   a  terrible  book  entitled  Recognising  Symptoms . It\'s  a  terrible  book  because  after  reading  this  book , I  think  that  I  have  every  form   of  cancer ! \"...............and  Lionel  Ritchie  replies  \" Don\'t  throw  that  book  away , lets  give  it  to  Shayne  Warne  .......the  book  if  he  reads  it  will  make  him  think  that  he  has  every  form  of  what\'s  called  venerable ( not  a  spelling  mistake )  disease .........and  will  keep  him  away  from  the  ladies \" .',NULL,0.00,NULL,269,0,29,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot  ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2646,6,'Bottom  of  the  Louvre .','             While  surfing  the  internet  I  paid  a  visit  to  the  Louvre  Museum  of  Art  in  Paris .  The  top  of  the  Louvre  is  the  roof  and  the  bottom   of  the  Louvre  is  the  painting done  by  Peter Perfect  Paul  Rude  Rubens   entitled  \" The  Landing  of  Maria  de\'  Medici  in  Marseilles .  The  naked  lady  in  the  bottom   bottom  right  corner  with  brown  hair , she  has  a  beaut\'  bum  and  she  sure  is  ...........the  bottom  of  the  Louvre ! .',NULL,0.00,NULL,207,0,29,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot   ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2647,25,'Lewis  Hamilton  goes  up  a  tree . ','            The  Ku  Klux  Klan  went  to  a Formula  One  car  race , at  this  car  race  Lewis  Hamilton  went  up  a  tree and  he  couldn\'t  come  down .  To  please  the  Ku  Klux  Klan  ,  Kimi  Kimi  Kimi ( K K K )  Raikonen  climbed  the  tree  and.............cut  the  rope .',NULL,0.00,NULL,230,0,29,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot  ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2648,25,'Wilbur  Shaw ','          Wilbur  Shaw  won  The  Indianapolis  500  mile  race  three  tiimes ,  in  the  years  1937 , 1939  and  1940  .  He  is  called  Wilbur  Shaw  because  he  sure  can  drive  a  car .',NULL,0.00,NULL,179,0,29,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2649,3,'Introduction  agencies .','            An  unatractive  man  can\'t  get  a  woman  at  a  singles  bar , he  goes  to  an  introduction  agency ,  loses  $ 38 000  and  is  now  less  attractive  to  the  ladies .',NULL,0.00,NULL,214,0,29,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2650,18,' We  came  in  peace  for.....','             When  Mankind  landed  on  the  Moon  in  July  1969  a  plaque  was  laid  on  the  Lunar  surface , and  on  this  plaque   are  these  words  \"  We  came  in  peace  for  all   mankind  \"..............all  mankind  except  the  North  Vietnamese .......yeah .',NULL,0.00,NULL,170,0,29,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bibpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2651,25,'Lord  of  the  rings ','              Wasn\'t  there  a  movie  or  series  of  movies  called  Lord  of  The  Rings ?...............I  thought  that  Tazio  Nuvolari   racing  the  1938  Auto  Union ( now  Audi )   was  the  Lord  of  The  Rings .',NULL,0.00,NULL,200,0,29,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2652,3,'Smitten  and  sexually  harrased .','           At the  singles  bar  Prince  Charming  approaches  a  good  looking  young  woman...........she  is  smitten .  The  next  week  another  beautifull  young  woman  is  approached  by  a  dirty  old  man  with  a  beard............he  is  charged  with.........sexual  harrasment .',NULL,0.00,NULL,259,0,29,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot  ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2653,18,'George  Washington  1732  to  1799 ','        George  Washington  lived  from  1732  to  1799  .  In  the  year  1799  George  Washington  became...........Washington  deceased .',NULL,0.00,NULL,175,0,29,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2654,2,'Martin  Luthor  Kings\'  Great  speech .','              Martin  Luthor  King  made  a  great  speech  entitled  \" Aah  have  a  dream \". Let\'s  make  the  great  speech  into  great   comedy , and  it  goes  like  this..........\"  Aaah  have  a  dream ....Aaah  have  a  dream........Aaah  have  a  dream !.........Last  night  Aaah  had  a  wet  dream...........Aaah  stained  ma   pyjama  pants............Aaah  stained  da  bed  sheets ...........This  is  black  comedy .....yeah ! .',NULL,0.00,NULL,199,0,29,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2655,18,'Martin  Luthor  Kings\'  great  speech .','           Martin  Luthor  Kings\'  great  speech  can  be  made  into  great  comedy , and  it  goes  like  this :  Aaah  have  a  dream............Aaah  have  a  dream...........Aaah  have  a  dream.....Last  night  Aaah  had  a  wet  dream..........Aaah  stained  ma  pyjama  pants..........Aaah  stained  da  bed  sheets.............This  is.........black  comedy ......yeah ! .',NULL,0.00,NULL,178,0,29,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot  ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2656,2,'Mickey  Mouse  Grande  Finale ','            Many  many  cartoons  have  been  made  featuring  Mickey  Mouse .  It  all  came  to  an  end  when  Mickey  Mouse  was...................eaten  alive  by  Felix  the  cat .',NULL,0.00,NULL,163,0,2,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2657,18,'John  Howard  and  the  Aborigines\'  health .','          Australias\'  Primeminister  John  Howard  flies  to  Ayres\'  Rock  to  help  the  Aborigines , and  in  his  speech  he  says :.........\" Freinds , Territorians   and  Corroberee  men .......We  the  Federal  government  are  concerned  about  your  health ............and  we  have  reason  to  beleive..........at  this  sacred  site , your  children  are  blessed  with  what\'s  called............venerable ( not  a  spelling  mistake )  disease \" .',NULL,0.00,NULL,168,0,2,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2658,2,'Socks  Clinton  and  the  UFO','        An  unidentified  flying  object  appears  above  The  White  House  in  the  year  1994  and  the  then  President  of  the  United  States  says . \"  That  there  up  there  is  an  extra  terrestial  life  form \".............and  the  journalist  from  Ireland  says ........\" Mister  President , your  castrated  tom  cat  Socks  is  a ...............minus  two  terrestial  life  form ! \"',NULL,0.00,NULL,117,0,2,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2659,6,'PC  advice  in   plain  english .','           There  is  an  English  computor  magazine  called  \" Computor  Active \" .  At  the  top  of  the  magazines\'  cover  it  reads  \" PC  advice  in  plain  english \"..............how  can  PC  advice  be  in  plain  English................PC ( Political  Correctness )  is  an  ideology  based  on  thought  control  and  reverse  racism .',NULL,0.00,NULL,273,0,2,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2660,6,'Singapornography ','        There  is  heaps  and  heaps  of  pornography  on  the  internet .  In  Singapore  they  try  their  darnedest  to  keep  internet  pornography  out  of  the  country ...................If  you  Google  type  in  \" caning \"  you  will  discover  that  the  Worlds\'  worst  pornography  is..............Singapornography .',NULL,0.00,NULL,233,0,3,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2661,16,'Greetings  ','           In  England  when  people  meet  they  say  \" How  do  you  do \" .  In        Australia  when  people  meet  they  say  \" G\'day \".  In  the  United  States  when  people  meet  they  say  \" Howdie \"  and  when  the  Australian  Aborigines  meet  each  other  they  say..............\" How  Dijeridoo \" .',NULL,10.00,1,127,0,3,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2662,16,'You  can\'t  say  that  on  television .','          On  television  you  can\'t  say  He\'s  bigger  because  it  sounds  like  he\'s  a  nigger ..............you  can\'t  say  He\'s  quiet  because  it  sounds  like  he\'s  queer.................and  you  can\'t  say  he\'s  forgot   because  it  sounds  like , he\'s  a  faggot .',NULL,0.00,NULL,122,0,8,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2663,27,'Slave  auction  in  Ancient  Rome .','            When  there  were  slave  auctions  in  Ancient  Rome , the  slaves  came  from  all  over  the  conquered  lands .  A  black  slave  from  Africa  is  sold  for  ninety  seven  ounces  of  gold ,  and  a  blonde  slave  from  The  Rhine  frontier  of  Germania  is  sold  for  eighty  seven  ounces  of  gold ...............The  blonde  slave  says  \" I  thought   that  a  white  person  was  worth  more  than  a  black  fella \" .',NULL,0.00,NULL,144,0,12,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2664,18,'   Poetry  by  Adolf  Hitler ','         Here  is  poetry  by  Adolf  Hitler .........The  Jews  are  vermin , the  Jews  are  vermin , the  Jews  are  vermin................und  The  German  Jews  are  German  vermin  und  The  German  Jews  are  German  vermin  und  The  German  Jews  are  German  vermin .......Heil  Whoever  wrote  this  joke ! ........ya .',NULL,0.00,NULL,200,0,31,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2665,27,'Furniture  company ','         The  Furniture  company  is  run  by  the.............chairman .',NULL,0.00,NULL,132,0,22,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2666,2,' Nogar  Raphie  to  Auschwitz ','         A  train  full  of  Italian  Jews  has  departed  from  platform  number  13  of  Torinos\'  Railway  Station .  One  of  the  Jews  on  the  way  to  Auschwitz  is  named  Nogar  Raphie.............Poor  Nogar  Raphie . Yes   I  wrote  pornography .',NULL,0.00,NULL,125,0,22,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2667,18,'Nogar  Raphie  to  Auschwitz ','          The  train  full  of  Italian  Jews  departs  from  Platform  number  6  at  the  Torino  Railway  Station .  One  of  the  Jews  on  board  is  named  Nogar  Raphie .......Poor  Nogar  Raphie...............written  was.......pornography .',NULL,0.00,NULL,84611,0,22,0,'0','Andy  wilmot  ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2668,18,'Bad  thing  in  Baden Wattenburg .','         Because  of  what  happened  to  the  Jews  during  World  War  Two , a  Jewish  state  was  established  in  the  German  state  of  Baden  Wattenburg .  Mercedese  Benz  replaced  their  three  pointed  star  with  a  six  pointed  star . ',NULL,0.00,NULL,152,0,22,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2669,3,'Today  is  Friday','        The  Weather  Beauro  has  said  that  today\'s  temperature  will  be  45  degrees  celcius  .  Today  on  Friday  it  will  be  a  frie  day .',NULL,0.00,NULL,273,0,24,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2670,27,'The  value  of  work .','        A  doctor  is  worth  more  than  a  banker , a  labourer  is  worth  more  than  an  unemployed ,  gold  is  worth  U.S.  $ 725  per  ounce  and  an  unemployed  is  worth  nothing  per  ounce .',NULL,0.00,NULL,124,0,24,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2671,16,'   Four  Wheel  Drive  advirtisements .','       Have  you  ever  noticed  on  those  TV  advirtisements  for  Four  Wheel  Drives ,  they  go  over  the  sand , snow  and  the  mud ...............and  never  get  bogged .',NULL,0.00,NULL,128,0,24,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2672,6,'Searching  looking  for  love','            There  is  a  song  on  the  radio  called  \" Searching , looking  lor  love \"  and  in  this  song  she  sings  \" I  can\'t  find  me  a  man \" .  Please  take  a  look  at  today\'s  technology : Glossy  magazines , videocassettes , DVDs  and  the  internet  .  This  is  the  reason  why  men  are  hard  to  get .',NULL,0.00,NULL,208,0,24,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2673,8,'Mother  Superior  has  flatulance .','            Mother  Superior  has  flatulance , she  goes  to  her  doctor  and  her  doctor  says  \" Smells  Nun  to  good \" .',NULL,0.00,NULL,255,0,24,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2674,16,'Bruce  Springstein  song .','         There  was  a  song  on  the  radio  by  Bruce  Springstein  callled  \" Born  in  The  U.S.A. \".   There  is  an  Australian  TV  network  called  the  S.B.S. ,  which  shows  movies  and  programs  made  outside  England , Australia  and  The  United  States .  I  watch  this  network  a  lot   because  I  am ............Bored  with  the  U.S.A..................Bored  with  the  U.S.A. ',NULL,0.00,NULL,112,0,24,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2675,25,'Days  of  Thunder .','          In  the  movie  \" Days  of  Thunder \"  Tom  Cruise  played..........Thor .',NULL,0.00,NULL,185,0,24,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2676,3,'Michael  Jackson  urinates .','        Londons\'  Heathrow  Airport  is  a  great  place  for  celebraty  spotting .  One  day  at  this  airport  Michael  Jackson  goes  to  the  toilet ,  and  standing  next  to  Michael  Jackson  at  the  urinal  is  the  great  Irish  comedian  Dave  Allen  who  laughs  and  laughs  and  laughs .....................Michael  Jackson  asks  Dave  Allen  \"  Dave  Allen , Why  are  you  laughing ? , Why  are  you  laughing ?  and  the  great  Irish  comedian  replies ...........\"  For  the  first  time  in  my  life , I  have  seen  a  white  man  with  a  black  wee  wee ! \" .',NULL,0.00,NULL,272,0,25,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2677,27,'Three  teachers  get  cancer .','             The  writer  of  this  joke  has  messy  handwriting .  Three  teachers  chastised  poor  me  for  having  messy  handwriting ,  the  teacher  named  Ian  Brown......err .....I  hate  his  guts  and  am  glad  to  see  him  dying  of  intestinal  cancer ,  another  teacher  named  Miss  Long  has  breast  cancer.....bravo !....................and  finaly  Geoff  Tundbridge  has  prostate  cancer , it\'s  good  to  see  him  piss  off ! .',NULL,0.00,NULL,102,0,25,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2678,17,'For  better  or  for  worse ','        When  people  marry  at  a  wedding  cerimonie  , they  say  \" For  better  or  for  worse \"  He\'s  rich  and  that  is  for  the  worse   and  she  is  addicted  to  poker  machines  and  that\'s  for  the  better .',NULL,1.00,2,286,0,25,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2679,3,'Teachers  viewing  pornography .','           When  teachers  view  pornography  , they  don\'t  use  glossy  magazines , videocassettes , DVDs  or  the  internet ...............teachers  install  hidden  cameras  in  the  kids\'  showers  and  get  their  child  pornography..............for  free ! .',NULL,0.00,NULL,260,0,25,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2680,6,'Internet  Gambling ','           It\'s  a  bad  thing  there  is  gambling  on  the  internet ,  it\'s  not  a  bad  thing  there  is  heaps  of  pornography  on  the  internet .  If  Nogar  Raphie  from  Italy  views  pornography  on  the  internet  he  gets  by  financialy  , if  Nogar  Raphie  gambles  on  the  internet  he  quickly  becomes   poor  Nogar  Raphie ........pornography .',NULL,0.00,NULL,292,0,1,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2681,3,'Why  do  niggers  enjoy  showing  their  dicks .','          Niggers  are  known  to  have  bigger  dicks  than  white  men .  White  men  have  more  brains  than  niggers   and  one  thing  that  white  men  have  that\'s  worth  displaying  is  bigger  bank  balances .',NULL,0.00,NULL,271,0,2,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2682,3,'Bearded  man  buys  shaving  equipment .','           A  bearded  man  buys  shaving  cream  and  razor  blades , and  he  says  to  the  check  out  chick  \"  This  stuff  makes  the  wifes  groin  look   beautifull ! \"',NULL,0.00,NULL,222,0,2,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2683,8,'Which  Doctor ? ','          A  sick  man  goes  to  a  medical  centre , and  the  receptionest  asks  the  sick  man :  Which  Doctor  would  you  like  to  see ?  and  the  sick  man  replies  \"  I  thought  that  a  Witch  Doctor  was  a  sorcerer  of  primitave  people !.',NULL,0.00,NULL,313,0,10,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2684,2,'Australian  comedian  in  London .','          An  Australian  comedian  hits  the  big  time  and  is  off  to  London .  When  he  returns  to  Australia  he  says  this  to  the  Russian  Blue  female  cat  who  lives  nextdoor ...........\"  Pussycat  pussycat  where  have  I  been ?........I\'ve  been  to  London  to  be  funny  and  obscene \" .',NULL,0.00,NULL,122,0,12,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2685,3,'And  Prejiduce  sequels ','           Pride  and  Prejudice  is  a  book / movie  about  class  and  snobery .  The  sequel  to  this  will  be  Paper  and  Prejudice  which  is  about  teachers  judging  students  by  a  number   followed  by  Odometers  and  Prejudice  in  which  people  judge  used  cars  by  how  far  they  have  been  driven.................that\'s  prejudice ! .',NULL,0.00,NULL,188,0,12,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2686,27,'Hip  hip  hooray ','          When  I  was  at  school  I  was  so  dumb  the  teacher  said  to  me : \" Andy  Wilmot , you\'re  so  dumb  you  are  the  bottom  of  the  class ! \" .  And  I  said  back  to  the  teacher : \" I  thought  that  the  exchange  student  from  South  West  Germany , her  name  is  Elli  Schauble , I  thought  that  she , yes  she ............is  the  bottom  of  the  class..........Hip  hip  horray ! \" .',NULL,0.00,NULL,133,0,13,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2687,3,'Danni  Minogue ','           Remember  me  I\'m  Billy  McMahon  the  Australian  Primeminister  of  1972 , as  you  can  see  I\'m  all  ears  and  as  you  can  see  I\'m  all  sheep .  My  son  Damien  was  once  Danni  Minogues\'  lover .  Doesn\'t  Danni  Minogue  look  beautifull  as  she  baaas  all ........baa ! .',NULL,0.00,NULL,205,0,13,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2688,18,'Drinktime  story .','            The  Australian  Aborigines  love  to  sit  around  and  tell  stories  from  the  \" Drinktime \" .  The  story  is  always  best  told  by  a  Tooheys  elder  and  this  Tooheys  elder  is  usualy  a  Gin ..............and  the  way  Australias\'  Aborigines  are  treated , they  drink  to  it .',NULL,0.00,NULL,104,0,14,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2689,17,'Father  Christmas  has  a  brother .','         Father  Christmas  has  a  brother  and  his  name  is  Uncle  Ho...............Didn\'t  Uncle  Ho  cause  the  Vietnam  War ? .',NULL,0.00,NULL,179,0,17,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2690,17,'Father  Christmas  has  a  sister ','     Father Christmas  has  a  sister  and  her  name  is   Mary  Christmas .',NULL,0.00,NULL,193,0,18,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot6662bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2691,3,'Teacher  arrested  in Foyles\'  war .','          There  is  an  English  TV  series   called  \" Foyles\'  war \" .  In  one  edition  of  Foyles  war  a  teacher  is  arrested  for  murdering  a  child .  In  those  days  of  World  War  Two  teachers  were  allowed  to  do  everything  to  children  except .................murder  children .',NULL,0.00,NULL,119,0,19,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2692,18,'Slaves  to  the  United  States .','          Before  the  outlawing  of  slavery  fourty  percent  of  negroes  from  Africa  died  on  their  journey  to  the  United  States .................that  may  or  may  not  have  been  a  bad  thing .',NULL,0.00,NULL,125,0,21,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2693,27,'Teachers  tell  of  \" Stranger  Danger \" .','          It  is  very  good  of  teachers  to  tell  children  of  the  dangers  of  \" Stranger  Danger \".  Have  you  noticed  that  when  the  police  do  a   clampdown  on  child  pornography  rings , the  police  arrest  a  lot  of  teachers .................it  makes  the  strangers  look  well  behaved .',NULL,0.00,NULL,104,0,21,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2694,16,'Alan  Jones  has  cancer ','         John  Laws  is  told  some  good  news  and  some  bad  news .  John  Laws  asks :  Could  you  please  tell  me the  good  news !  Alan  Jones  has  cancer .  John  Laws  says  \" That  is  good  news , now  please  tell  me  the  bad  news \".......and  the  bad  news is  \" Alan  Jones  the  racing  car  driver  has  cancer .......and  John  Laws  says  \" That  is  bad  news \" .',NULL,0.00,NULL,112,0,23,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2695,27,'Old  time  well  behaved  teachers .','            In  the olden  days  when  I  was  at  school  badly  behaved  teachers  molested  many  children  and  the  well  behaved  teachers ,  well  they  ........fucked  a  few .',NULL,8.00,1,126,0,26,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2696,6,'Borenography ','          While  viewing  internet  pornography  for  a  long  ( yes  long )  time  you  see  penises  in  ladies   vaginas  and  mouths  that\'s  boring  or  borenography  .  For  a  change  please  use  penises  in  the ...........toilet .',NULL,0.00,NULL,174,0,26,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2697,17,'Four  weddings  and  a  funeral  Mark  2.','      Four  weddings :  A  wooden  wedding  is  two  Poles  being  married ,  an  old  fashioned  Australian  wedding  is  when  two  Victorians  get  married , a  wedding  in  which  the  bride  and  groom  are  blessed  with  what  is  called  venerable ( not  a  spelling  mistake )  disease  is  when  two  Germans  get  married  and  a  wedding  where  where  things  are  delicious  is  when  two  people  from  Turkey  get  married ................And  at  the  funeral  no  one  was  late  for  the  buriel   including  the  deceased ..........he  was  hit  by  a  car  at  the  age  of  four  years .',NULL,0.00,NULL,153,0,26,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2698,6,'Mervins\'  computor .','         Mervin  has  45.000  images  of  naked  women  on  the  hard  disc  drive ( H.D.D. )  of  his  computer .  To  aquire  all  of  these  pictures  a  lot  of  voyeurism  was  done   by   Pervin  Mervin .',NULL,0.00,NULL,193,0,26,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot .','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2699,3,'Dirty  and  rude  comedian .','              There  is  this  comedian  who  is  so  dirty  that  he  doesn\'t  know  what  showers  and  washing  machines  are .  He  is  also  so  rude  that  he  is  popular  with  the  ladies  and  even  has  what\'s  called  the  venerable ( not  a  spelling  mistake )  disease  to  prove  it .',NULL,0.00,NULL,138,0,30,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2700,27,'Deaf  and  dumb  prejudices . ','          If  you  are  blind  people  shout  at  you  because  they  think  that  you  are  deaf  as  well .    If  you  are  accademicaly  dumb , teachers  think  that  you  will  be  a  bad  driver ,  a bad  money  manager , a  lousy  parent etcetra  etcetra .   Teachers  who  are  in  reality  child  measurers  are  extremely  prejudice .',NULL,0.00,NULL,115,0,30,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot .','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2701,17,'Marry  later .','         A  father  says  to  his  daughter  \"  You  are  eighteen  years  of  age  and  that  is  much  to  young  to  be  married ,  please  get  married  when  you  are  older  and  wiser ! \".    The  years  go  by   and  at the  age  of  twenty  four  years  she  says  to  her  father : \" Now  that  I  am  older  and  wiser ,  I  have  decided ............not  to  marry !\" .',NULL,0.00,NULL,217,0,30,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2702,18,'Australias\'  I.R.  laws .','            Australias\'  Industrial  Relations ( I.R. )  laws  were  introduced  to  benifit  Australias\'  employers .  These  laws  allow  employers  to  dismiss  employees  without  warning  and  good  reason and  so  on  and  so  on .   The  Liberal  Partys\'  Kevin  Andrews  who  introduced  this  400  pages  of  leglislation  is  an  inteligent  man .................with  a  lot  to  learn ! .',NULL,0.00,NULL,99,0,30,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot  ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2703,3,'She\'s  anorexic  and  safe .','         The  seventeen  year  old  girl  with  anorexia  is  safe  from  being  sexualy  assaulted ..............she  isn\'t  worth  looking  at .',NULL,0.00,NULL,144,0,3,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2704,3,'I  like  my  women  to  be  norma*   ******* .','           A  dirty  old  man  named  Andy  is  asked  or  arseked  \" How  do  you like  your  women ,  do  ypu  like  them  to  be athletic , muscolar ,  anorexic  , buxom  , slim  or  normal ? \"  and  Andy  replies  \" I  like  my  women  to  be  Norman  Lindsay . see  his  magnificent  nudes  in  Australian  Art  Galleries  and  on  the  internet............and  enjoy  your  perv ! \" .',NULL,0.00,NULL,191,0,3,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot  ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2705,18,'It\'s  OK  for  nude  kids  to  appear  in  this  film .','            One  nude  kid  says  to  another  nude  kid  : \" We  and  many  children  in  this  film  are  in  the  nude \"  and  the  other  nude  kid  says  \"  It\'s  OK  for  us  and  the  other  kids  to  be  in  the  nude .............this  is  a  Haulocaust  Movie ! \" .',NULL,0.00,NULL,109,0,11,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2706,2,'An  elephant  beetween  us .','          The  Canadian  Primeminister  is  sleeping   thirty  five  feet  away  from  the  President  of  Mexico ,  and  Canadas\'  Primeminister  says  \"  I  am  scared  that  what  is  between  us  will  roll  over  and  squash  one  of  us \"  and  the  Presidend  of  Mexico  says  \"  Sii  you\'re  not  wrong  , it  is  an  elephant  named  Uncle  Sam ! \" .',NULL,0.00,NULL,129,0,11,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2707,3,'looking  down  mens\'  pants .','          A  blonde  woman  having  fun  looking  down  mens\'  pants  says  to  a  man  \"  I  can  see  your  cute  little  bum ! \"  and  the  man  replies  \"  One  hour  ago  I  showed  the  ladie  in  the  bank  my  big  dinkum  bank  balance ! \" .',NULL,0.00,NULL,130,0,11,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2708,27,'Hidden  cameras  in  girls\'  showers .','           Teachers  in  need  of  a  good  perv  can  install  hidden  cameras  in  the  girls\'  showers .  These  cameras  are  available  at  Dick  Smith  Electronics ............er  I  mean  Stiff  dick  electronics .',NULL,0.00,NULL,123,0,11,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2709,6,'Gary  Glitter  matures .','Gary  Glitter  has  matured ,  the  images  of  naked  ladies  in  his  computer  are  images  of  naked  ladies  over  twenty  years  of  age .',NULL,0.00,NULL,171,0,11,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot  ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2710,27,'Stranger  danger  truth .','           Teachers  warn  children  about  Stranger  Danger .............That\'s  bulshit  ,  whenever  the  police  do  a  child  pornography  crackdown ...............they  arrest  a  lot  of  teachers .',NULL,0.00,NULL,87,0,11,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2711,27,'Gun  in  the  teachers\'  pocket .','            One  schoolgirl  says  to  another  schoolgirl  : \"  Is  there  a  gun  in  the  male  teachers\'  pocket ? \" .  And  the  other  schoolgirl  says  \"  I  don\'t  know ,  but  yes  butt   whenever  he  belts  naughty  girls  on  their  bare  bottoms  you  think  there  is  a  gun  in  his  pocket ! \" .',NULL,0.00,NULL,105,0,16,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot  ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2712,28,'your mamma sofat','your mammas so fat she jumped in the air and got stuck ',NULL,0.17,6,422,0,18,0,'0','blake','hotrodkid8@yahoo.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2713,28,'your mamma sofat','your mammas so fat she jumped in the air and got stuck ',NULL,10.00,1,416,0,18,0,'0','blake','hotrodkid8@yahoo.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2714,6,'The  Apple  500','                The  new  Apple  computer  is  called  \"  The  Apple  500  \" ,  this  computer  is  made  in  India   and  has  been  nicknamed    \"  The  Indian  Apple  500  \"  and  on  the  Indian  Apple  500  computer  is   A.J.Foyts\'  wwebsite .',NULL,0.00,NULL,170,0,20,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2715,18,'John  Howard  is  how  honest ? ','            John  Howard  is  an  honest  man ,  if  he  were  any  more  honest  he  would  say  \"  Chappelle  Corby  gets  no  help  from  The  Australian  Federal  Government   because  we  must  not  offend  Indonesia  , not  to  mention  addicted  to  alcohol  revenue  \" ...........and  also  \"  There  was  a  conspiracy  by  Tony  Abbot  and  me  to  imprison  Pauline  Hanson \" ...........and  Finaly  the rotten  I.R.  laws  were  made  to  make  Kevin  Rudd  the  new  Primeminister \" .',NULL,0.00,NULL,115,0,26,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2716,3,'Paul  Keating  the  comedian ','        Good  evening ,  let\'s  hope  so  Scumbags  and  Scumbitches .  Do  you  remember  me  I\'m  Paul  Keating , I  used  to  be  Australias\'  Primeminister  from  1992  to  1996 ......................Well  let\'s  get  on  with  tonights\'  comedy  show !.........Australia  is  the  Arse  end  of  the  World ,  yeah ........and  Singapore  is  the  pain  in  the  arse  end  of  the  World ............now  let\'s  enjoy  some  language  that\'s  as  low  as  Singapores\'  crime  rate !',NULL,0.00,NULL,122,0,1,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2717,3,'The  Leyland  Brothers  visit   Sydneys\'  Kings  Cross .','              Today  on  The  Leyland  Brothers  TV  show  we  visit  Sydneys\'  Kings\'  Cross.................Kings\'  Cross  is  accessable  by   four  wheel  drive ,  as  you  can  see  our  new  four  wheel  drive  is  made  by  Toyota ,  Oh  what  a  feeling ,  the  new  Toyota  is  more  economical  because  its\'  engine  is  fuel  ejaculated ( not  a  spelling  mistake ) and  when  you  step  out  of  the  four  wheel  drive  you  need  to  wear  boots  that  provide a  good  grip  because  there  are  so  many  condominiums  full  of  seamen  on  the  footpath ..............And  here  we  have  a  question  from  the  Reverand  Freddo  Frog  and  he  asks  us  this  question  \"  Do  blondes  have  more  fun ? \".........Well  in  order  to  answer  your  question  ,  let\'s  check  out  the  chicks  at  the  Sexualy  Transmitted  Diseases  Clinic  and  this  will  give  you  the  Willies ......er  we  mean  the  blistered  willies  ,  blondes  do  have  more  fun  and  to  prove  it  they  are  blessed  with  what\'s  called   Venerable ( not  a  spelling  mistake )  disease ......................Here  comes  the  Reverand  Freddo  Frog  about  to  clean  up  Kings\'  Cross ,  he  arrives  in  a  four  wheel  drive  made  by  Chrysler  and  the  blondes  all  say...................Jesus  Chrysler .',NULL,0.00,NULL,223,0,1,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2718,4,'blonde stops blonde','A blond female police officer pulls over a young blonde driving very fast. the officer ask for the blonde\'s license. The driver has a hard time finding her license and asks the officer what does it look like. The officer says it look just like you. The blonde driver looks in her bag and finds a compact, she opens it and see her reflection in the mirror and gives the compact to the blonde officer. The officer opens the compact and sees her reflection. She closes it and says to the driver next time just tell me your a cop.',NULL,0.00,NULL,384,0,3,0,'0','nash','nsuber@socal.rr.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2719,3,'All  I  need  a  wife  for .........','         Cooking ,  gardening ,  vacuuming ,  cleaning  and  general  maintanance  I  can  do  .  All  I  need  a  woman  or  wife  for  is  a ...........sex  object .',NULL,0.00,NULL,147,0,3,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2720,16,'Not  watered  down .','         In  supermarkets  you  see  many  types  of  drinks  for  sale ,  the  public  and  the  media  complain  about  drinks  being  watered  down , well  every  drink  except  water.............being  watered  down .',NULL,0.00,NULL,101,0,3,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2721,3,'If  you  see  Kaye .','            At  the  best  brothel  in  Sydneys\'  Kings\'  Cross  area  ,  you  will  have  a  good  time  if  you  see  Jennifer ,  and  a  better  time  shall  be  had  if  you  see  Rebekah   and  the  best  time  shal  be  had........if  you  see  Kaye !  in  letters  it  is..........F....U...C...K .',NULL,0.00,NULL,116,0,3,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2722,28,'your hous is so small','your house is so small i asked you to use your bathroom and you gave me two sticks. one to hold up the toilet seat and one to fight of the roaches ',NULL,0.00,NULL,316,0,10,0,'0','Roberto Thomas','robertothomas2002@hotmail.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2723,2,'The  Movie  \" Jaws \".','         The  1975  blockbuster  movie  entitled  \"  Jaws \" ,  was  financed  by  ............... loan  sharks .',NULL,0.00,NULL,97,0,10,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2724,3,'Every  Picture  tells  a  story .','        There  is  a  1974  song  sung  by  Rod  Stewart  entitled  \"  Every  Picture  tells  a  story \"  and  in  this  song  Rod  Stewart  sings  these  words , \"  On  the  Peking  Ferry  I  was  feeling  Mary \" ..............that\'s  naughty ! .',NULL,0.00,NULL,115,0,10,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2725,16,'Hollywood  hype  and  tripe .','       In  an  old  Wild  Western  movie  a  sixteen  year  old  girl  says \" Look  Pa , an  awfull  looking  stranger \" ................It\'s  no  wonder  some  people  can\'t  get  away  with  anything ! .      ',NULL,0.00,NULL,104,0,10,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2726,16,'Emphysema  on  Death .','           There\'s  this  elderly  old  man  who\'s  dying  of  emphysema .  He\'s  coughin\'  or  coffin  his  way  to  the  cemetry .',NULL,1.00,1,88,0,10,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2727,6,'The  camera  uses  no  film .','           Thanks  to  Space  exploration  the  Digital  camera  was  invented  and  developed .  The  digital  camera  doesn\'t  use  chemichal  film , and  is  hungry  on  batteries .  What  you  do  not  donate  to  Agfa , Kodak  and  Fuji  is  donated  to  Duracell  and  Eveready .',NULL,0.00,NULL,180,0,17,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2728,16,'Awfull  looking  man  with  school  children .','      There\'s  this  awfull  looking  man  sitting  at  the  bus  stop  with  school  children ,  and  this  man  is  approached  by  the  policemen  and  a  policeman  asks  him  these  three  questions :  Are  you  unmarried ?  He  replies  No . Are  you  a  homosexual ? He  replies  Yes  and  finaly  the  policeman  asks  Are  you  a  peadophile ?  and  his  replie  is  Yes .  The  policeman  asks  this  man  \" Why  are  you  at  this  bus  stop  with  these  school  children  ?  and  his  reply  is  this \" Owning  a  car  costs  me  $ 145  per  week  and  catching  the  bus  saves  me  $135  per  week ! \" .',NULL,0.00,NULL,92,0,17,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2729,2,'Felix  is  arrested .','         Felix  the  Cat  was  driving  a  Plymouth  Prowler  and  he  was  arrested  for  being  a ..............peeping  tom .',NULL,0.00,NULL,128,0,17,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot  ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2730,27,'Teacher  in  the  boys\'  showers .','           When  I  was  at  school  there  was  this  homosexual  teacher  perving  on  boys  in  the  school  showers .................That\'s  something  I  can\'t ..........faggot ( not  a  spelling  mistake ) ! .',NULL,0.00,NULL,99,0,23,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2731,27,'Lesbian  teacher  in  the  girls\'  showers .','           There\'s  this  lesbian  teacher  perving  on  girls  in  the  school  showers , the  annoyed  girls  report  this  matter  to  the  school  principal ,  this  lesbian  schoolteacher  continues  to  perv  on  the  girls  in  the  showers  so  the  badly  behaved  teacher  is  reported  to  the  police ............................Under  interigation  the  teacher  is  asked  : \" Why  do  you  continualy  perv  on  girls  in  the  showers ? \"  and  the  lesbian  teacher  says  \" I  am  trying  to  work  out  which  girl  is  the  bottom , yes  bottom  of  the  class ! \".....................And  the  policeman  asks : \" How  do  you  work  out  which  girl  in  the  shower  is  the  bottom , yes  bottom  of  the  class ? \"..................And  the  lesbian  teacher  says  \"  On  a  thirty  point  scale , ten  points  for  lovely  skin  also  ten  points  for  being  not  too  big  or  not  too  small  and  most  importantly  ten  points  for  being  well  rounded ! \"  .....................and  the  policeman  says  \" I  didn\'t  know  that..........I\'m  gay ! \" .',NULL,0.00,NULL,160,0,23,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2732,16,'Daniel  has  Boone  on  TV .','     There  was  a  TV  series  during  the  1960s  named  Daniel  Boone .  Daniel  Boone  has  Boone ( not  a  spelling  mistake )  on  television .',NULL,0.00,NULL,115,0,23,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2733,16,'The  Parisienne  isn\'t  French .','         The  Parisienne  cant  speak  French , doesn\'t  look  French  and  doesn\'t  behave  French .  The  Parisienne  is  a................1965  Pontiac  Parisienne .',NULL,0.00,NULL,95,0,23,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2734,4,'Supergirl  breaks  the  sound  barrier .','            Supergirl  is  flying  very  very  fast and  she  breaks  the  sound  barrier  at  622  miles  per  hour .  Off  comes  her  cape , off  come  her  boots  followed  by  her  shirt  and  finaly  off  come  her  pants .........Behind  Supergirl  is  a  Migoyan  31  with  in  flight  camera  on ( for  obvious  reasons ) ,  the  Migs\'  pilot  reports a  problem  to  base  and  the  problem  is  under  the........groin  strap ,  and  finaly  Supergirl  flies  into  the  clouds ! . ',NULL,0.00,NULL,317,0,23,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2735,6,'Realistic  Australian  Aboriginal  Art ','         In  The  Kimberlys  of  North  Western  Australia , there  is  Aboriginal  Art  of  Photo\' realism ..........this  art  has  been  done  with  Digeridoo  Cameras . ',NULL,0.00,NULL,148,0,27,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2736,25,'Raikkonen  is  ahead  of  Hamilton . ','              What  is  it  that  keeps  Kimi  Raikkonen  ahead  of  Lewis  Hamilton ?.............Kimi  Raikkonen  is  a  professional  racist  car  driver ! .',NULL,0.00,NULL,148,0,27,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2737,3,'funiest joke ever!!!!!!','a guy walks into a bar and said ouch.',NULL,0.00,NULL,126,0,13,0,'0','ezcoolbreeze','ezcoolbreeze911@yahoo.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2738,3,'funiest joke ever!!!!!!','a guy walks into a bar and said ouch.',NULL,0.00,NULL,115,0,13,0,'0','ezcoolbreeze','ezcoolbreeze911@yahoo.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2739,18,'crazy girl','theres a man in jail so he dicides to brake out so he digs a hole and and ends up in a prescooh playground and he says im free! im free! then a girl comes up to him and says\r\nso what im 4',NULL,10.00,1,110,0,15,0,'0','subeer abdirhaman','subeer6yh\"hotmail.co.uk');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2740,16,'Less  people  are  worth  their  weight  in  gold .','             There  is  a  worldwide  obescity  epidimic  and  gold  is  now  more  than  U.S.  $ 1000  per  ounce .   What  does  this  mean ?...........Less  and  less  people  are  worth  their  weight  in  gold .',NULL,0.00,NULL,93,0,19,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2741,2,'Termites  in  a  Jews\'  hpuse .  ','          A  Jewish  woman  is  doing  the  vacuuming  and  the  vacuum  cleaner  smashes  the  skirting  board .  Her  husband  comes  home  and  she  says  to  her  husband  \"  This  house  has  termites  in  it , what  shall  we  do ? \" ...........and  her  husband  says  \"  We  must  call  the  exterminaters \" .',NULL,0.00,NULL,108,0,19,0,'0','Andy   Wilmot  ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2742,25,'Casey  Stoner  is  racing .','                 While  watching  the  Moto  G.P.  from  Quatar  on  the  Nineth  of  March  at  7.30  A.M.  ,  Casey  Stoner  was  in  the  lead , he  was  advirtising  Marlboro  cigarettes  and  his  emphysema  was  on  winning .',NULL,0.00,NULL,170,0,19,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2743,13,'Many  sentanced  to  death .','                 There  is  this  judge  who  has  sentanced  hundreds  of  people  to  the  death  sentance ................he\'s  got  the  hang  of  it !',NULL,0.00,NULL,158,0,19,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2744,16,'Is  he  rich ?  ','            That  man  in  the  very  expensive  car  is  rich............he  appears  to  be .',NULL,0.00,NULL,94,0,19,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2745,16,'Grave  of  Dave  Allen .','             Dave  Allen  from  Ireland  was  and  is  the  greatest  comedian  of  all  time ,  and  written  on  his  grave  are  these  words........\" In  laughing  memory \" .',NULL,0.00,NULL,103,0,19,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2746,16,'Not  so  good  samaritan .','          The  good  samaritan  finds  a  lost  RBS ( Royal  Bank  of  Scotland ) credit  card , he  hands  it  in  at  the  nearest  RBS  branch .   The  same  good  samaritan  finds  a  womans\'  handbag , he  hands  this  handbag  in  at  the  nearest  police  station .  The  good  samaritan  sees  a  dog  in  danger  of  being  hit  by  a  car ,  he  ties  this  dog  to  a  post .  The  good  samaritan  sees  a  little  girl  in  danger  of  being  hit  by  a  car ...............the  good  samaritan  is  so  scared  that  the  police  and  the  media  will  call  him  a  child  molester............the  little  girl  gets..........gets  hit  by  a  car .',NULL,0.00,NULL,88,0,19,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2747,6,'Bill  Gates  makes  a  sandwich .','        Bill  Gates  goes  into  his  kitchen  to  make  himself  a  sandwich . What  did  Bill  Gates  put  into  that  sandwich ?..........SPAM........SPAM......SPAM.......SPAM .      ',NULL,1.00,1,190,0,25,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2748,18,'The  out  of  Australia  Primeminister .','          Gough  Whitlam  was  The  Australian  Primeminister  from  1972  to  1975 ,  for  much  of  this  era  the  Primeminister  was  out  of  Australia .  One  of  his  nicknames  was  :  Boeing , Boeing , Boeing  Gough .',NULL,0.00,NULL,92,0,25,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2749,18,'Sheldon Rojas','frogmouth homeyness periplast steed internodular nonascetic reflectingly pantomimicry\r\n<a href= http://apolloguide.com/mov_revtemp.asp?CId=2259 >Apollo Movie Guide - Boiler Room</a>\r\n http://www.cnn.com/2003/ALLPOLITICS/04/23/gephardt.healthcare/ \r\n',NULL,0.00,NULL,115,0,27,0,'0','Arthur Mathis','wgekdy@mcrl.de');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2750,2,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,113,0,27,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2751,16,'Watery  grave .','     A  man  commits  suicide  by  jumping  off  a  bridge  on  the  Mississippi  River .  This  saves  his  family  the  costs  of  an  autopsy , coffin , buriel ,  grave , tombstone  and  funeral .............Watery  graves ,  they\'re  cheap ! .  ',NULL,0.00,NULL,94,0,2,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2752,3,'Heather  Mills\'  short  marriage .','          The  short  marriage  of  Sir  Paul  McArtney  to  Heather  Mills  cost  Sir  Paul  many  Millions  of  dollars .  What  they  say  about  prostitutes  is  true..............They  are  cheap .',NULL,0.00,NULL,109,0,2,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2753,3,'Knockout  Punch  and  Judy .','           There  is  an  old  pantomine  named  \" Punch  and  Judy \" .  In  this  form  of  entertainment  Judy  is  always  being  bashed  up  by  her  husband  named  Punch .   When  Judy  became  a  liberated  woman   she  gave  her  husband...................the  knockout  punch . ',NULL,0.00,NULL,106,0,2,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot .','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2754,18,'Who  gets  what  vote ? .','         There  are  three  cantidates  for  the  2008  U.S.  Federal  Election .  Eric Obama gets  the  black  vote , Hillary  Clinton  gets  the  womens\'  vote  and  because  he  was  a  prisoner  of  the  North  Vietnamese ,  John  McAine  gets  the  sympathy  vote .  ',NULL,0.00,NULL,94,0,2,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2755,16,'Sci\'  Fi\'  garbage  dump .','        There  is  a  Science  Fiction  movie  set  and  made  in  a  garbage  dump ,  the  movie  has  been  named...............Trash  Gordon .',NULL,0.00,NULL,94,0,2,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2756,25,'Is  Robert  Kubica  Jewish ? ','           There  is  a  Polish  Formula  One  racing  car  driver  from  Krakow  named  Robert  Kubica .  Is  Robert  Kubica  Jewish ?..........Of  course  not , during  World  War  Two  the  Germans  transported  the  Jews  to  Heaven .',NULL,0.00,NULL,430,0,7,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2757,16,'The  Six  Million  Dollar  Man .','            There  was  a  television  series  of  the  1970s  named  \" The  Six  Million  Dollar  Man \" , Steve  Austins\'  extrodinary  strength  and  super  vision  hydraulics  and  electronics ................With  todays  technology  Steve  Austin  costs  $ 245.000 ................bargian ! ',NULL,0.00,NULL,106,0,7,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2758,17,'Father  of  The  Bride  sequel .','           Steve  Martin  stared  in  a  movie  entitled  \" Father  of  The  Bride \" . The  sequel  to  this  movie  shall  be  called  \" Basher  of  the  Husband \" ! ',NULL,0.00,NULL,138,0,7,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2759,16,'Sci\'  Fi\'  spy  movie .','         A  Science  Fiction  movie  set  in  the  distant  future  , has  been  named  \" James  Beyond \" .',NULL,0.00,NULL,97,0,10,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2760,18,'The  Nazi  leaders  are  part  Jewish . ','          Adolf  Hitler , Hermann  Goering , Heinrich  Himmler  and  Adolf  Eichmann   are  all  standing  at  the  urinal  in  Auschwitz .  Hermann  Goering  says  \"  Look  at  our  penises , we  are  all  circumcised .............that  means  that  all  four  of  us  are  part  Jewish \" ! .',NULL,0.00,NULL,100,0,10,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2761,27,'Teachers  having  a  domestic .','          A  lot  of  what  keeps  the  police  are  called  \" Domestics \" .  The  husband  and  wife  who  are  fighting , give  each  other ..........a  caning ! .',NULL,0.00,NULL,112,0,10,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2762,27,'He  isn\'t  prejudice , She  is  prejudice . ','           The  used  car  salesman  says  to  his  wife , \" I  am  sick  and  tired  of  people  judging  a  used  car  by  a  number \" .  And  his  wife , who  is  a  teacher  says  in  reply \" At  the  school  where  I  work , the  inteligence  of  a  child  is  judged  by  a  number . Like  all  teachers.........I\'m  prejudice \" .',NULL,0.00,NULL,99,0,10,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2763,6,'Making  a  living  from  crashes .','        Husband  and  Wife , He  is  a  panel  beater  and  she  is  repairs  computers .  Both  he  and  she  make  their  living  from..........crashes . ',NULL,0.00,NULL,153,0,10,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2764,16,'Husband  and  wife  work  at  the  oil  refinery .','           The  husband  and  wife  both  work  at  an  oil  refinery  , at  this  workplace   you  wouldn\'t  want  to  see  their  marriage.........blow  up . ',NULL,0.00,NULL,128,0,10,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2765,8,'Medicinal  uses  for  Honey .','         Honey  has  medicinal  uses.........stick  to  it .',NULL,0.00,NULL,153,0,12,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2766,8,'Medicinal  uses  for  Honey .','         Honey  has  medicinal  uses.........stick  to  it .',NULL,0.00,NULL,163,0,12,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2767,3,'Advirtising  beauty .','             In  television  advirtisements , the  woman  with  the  beauty  gets  the  man .  In  reality  she  can\'t  get  the  man , because  the  man  is  scared  of  being  charged  with ........sexual  harrasment ! .',NULL,0.00,NULL,119,0,12,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2768,6,'Winning  e-mails  for  Bill  Gates .','            Like  everyone  else  on  the  internet , Bill  Gates  wins  $ 7  million  every  day from  stupid e-mails . The  senders  sure  do  want...........his  banking  details .',NULL,0.00,NULL,153,0,12,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2769,2,'Bee  stings  Jennifer  Lopez ','             While  on  show  to  the  Worlds\'  media ,  a  bee  stings  Jennifer  Lopez  on  the  left  shoulder .   One  paparitzi  says  to  another  paparitzi  \" Wouldn\'t  we  have  a  good  time  if  that  bee  had  stung  her ........on  the  bottom ! \" .',NULL,0.00,NULL,100,0,16,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2770,16,'We  pirates  have  Scotish  accents .','               Have  you  noticed  in  the  movies , that  pirates  have  Scottish  accents ! .............It  makes  you  wonder  what  a  pirate  wears  under  his  kilt ? .',NULL,0.00,NULL,95,0,16,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2771,16,'Englishman  and  his  German  wife  watch  a  horror  movie .','         An  Englishman  who  is  married  to  a  German  woman  decide  to  watch  a  scary  movie .  The  movie  they  watch  is  a  haulocaust  movie  which  the  TV  week  magazine  gave  a  rating  of  five  stars.........of  David .',NULL,0.00,NULL,100,0,18,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot .','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2772,3,'W.C.Fields  goes  to  Hawaii .','          The  great  American  comedian  of  the  1930s  named  William  Claude  Dunkenfeild or  W.C.Feilds  went  on  a  vacation  to  Hawaii .  While  watching  the  Hula  Hula  girls , one  of  the  girls  had  her  grass  skirt  fall  off .  She  had  a  tale  to  tell  and  what  W.C.Fields  saw   was  a........beaut  bum .',NULL,0.00,NULL,97,0,18,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2773,13,'Pauline Marks','frogmouth homeyness periplast steed internodular nonascetic reflectingly pantomimicry\r\n<a href= http://www.geocities.com/SiliconValley/Lab/6307/ >PEDasm</a>\r\n http://www.in-motion.net/~jtown/ \r\n',NULL,0.00,NULL,148,0,18,0,'0','Lesley Rollins','kpgbzeeb@cqqrbv.ar');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2774,2,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,116,0,18,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2775,18,'Benita Byers','frogmouth homeyness periplast steed internodular nonascetic reflectingly pantomimicry\r\n<a href= http://www.iselinge.nl/scholenplein/pabolessen/1C_Meijvogel_Broeder/ >Website van Marlies en Esther</a>\r\n http://www.highland-coos.com \r\n',NULL,0.00,NULL,146,0,22,0,'0','Tyler Myers','ciuuphyh@rpovu.gl');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2776,2,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,152,0,22,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2777,3,'W.C.Fields  saves  money .','             W.C.Fields  says \"  A  woman  drove  me  to  drink  and  the  high  cost  of  ilegal  drugs  keeps  me  on  the  drink \" .',NULL,0.00,NULL,108,0,23,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2778,18,'Use  your  imagination .','           Australias\'  Primeminister  Kevin  Rudd  wants  Australians  to  use  their  imaginations  to  solve  the  Nations\'  problems . All  schools  do  is  shove  children  behind  desks  and  measure  them  for  entrance  into  University .............No  wonder  Kevin  can\'t  find  people  with  good  imaginations .',NULL,0.00,NULL,112,0,4,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2779,27,'Helping  children ','          There  is  an  exclusive  private  school  in  Edinburgh  where  the  preists  and  teachers  help  the  children . They  also  help  themselves  to  the  children . ',NULL,0.00,NULL,98,0,4,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2780,6,'QbVSIpmHfubVf','CTOeT2  <a href=\"http://vxscoxcpcidy.com/\">vxscoxcpcidy</a>, [url=http://xakpksabmkwv.com/]xakpksabmkwv[/url], [link=http://nlzhihsekgcj.com/]nlzhihsekgcj[/link], http://ithicjxgamyw.com/',NULL,0.00,NULL,169,0,6,0,'0','qbknjnpognd','vfylhh@etyevr.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2781,13,'RHHTktJFCCVAICLLin','YlCLPK  <a href=\"http://otbbeecsavac.com/\">otbbeecsavac</a>, [url=http://gcxhdstaxndw.com/]gcxhdstaxndw[/url], [link=http://babsyusxojma.com/]babsyusxojma[/link], http://dakwllnmmdym.com/',NULL,0.00,NULL,142,0,7,0,'0','ynuwclla','tfzwfy@ktyzch.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2782,16,'Stolen  Alfa ','         An  Italian  woman  has  her  beloved   Alfa  Romeo  stolen , she  reports  the  stolen  car  to  the  police  and  she  says  this :  Alfa  Romeo , Alfa  Romeo , Alfa  Romeo  where  for  art  thou  Alfa  Romeo ? .',NULL,0.00,NULL,113,0,11,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2783,3,'Toilet  smells  funny .','            There\'s  these  two  guys  who  are  going  to  the  toilet ,  one  of  these  guys  says :  This  toilet  smells  funny !  and  the  other  guy  replies :  The  last  person  to  use  this  toilet  was  a  clown .',NULL,0.00,NULL,109,0,11,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2784,3,'Alcohol  dreams . ','        Why  do  Australian  Aborigines  drink  too  much  alcohol ?  They  want  their  next  dreamtime  to  be  better  than  Martin  Luthor  Kings\'  dreamtime  and  Sigmund  Freuds\'  dreamtime ! ',NULL,0.00,NULL,100,0,11,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2785,18,'A  Jew  named  Marvin .','                 There  was  a  Jew  named  Marvin .  He  died  in  Auschwitz..........starvin\' !',NULL,0.00,NULL,112,0,11,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot  ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2786,4,'Cyril England','frogmouth homeyness periplast steed internodular nonascetic reflectingly pantomimicry\r\n<a href= http://www.geocities.com/cathemtage/ >PC Pals Business Solutions</a>\r\n http://www.sverigeturism.se/smorgasbord/ \r\n',NULL,0.00,NULL,198,0,13,0,'0','Jacques Workman','xutmk@bybu.tv');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2787,2,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,103,0,13,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2788,8,'Winter  colds .','        During  the  long  cold  winter  on  the  TV  news  a  doctor  says : \" Not  a  day  goes  by  without  someone  catching  the  wog \" .',NULL,0.00,NULL,187,0,17,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2789,25,'Wayne  Carey  becomes  a  gentleman .','           Wayne  Carey  got  married  and  after  the  marriage  he  turned  into  a  gentleman ....................Wayne  Carey   married  a  champion  woman  bodybuilder .',NULL,0.00,NULL,150,0,23,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2790,16,'The SHOWER','Finally my birthday...... On my birthday, I took a shower with my father, Then I asked, \"What\'s That?!\" Father replied, \"That\'s my snake\". Later that day I took a shower with my mother, and I asked what are those?! she said they were here headlights, and her Bush. Then later That night, at bed time, I asked can I sleep in your bed tonight, They said ok and I hopped in... Then! I Yelled! Mom!! Turn on your Headlights!!! theres a Snake in your Bush!!!!',NULL,10.00,1,627,0,13,0,'0','Christopher','th3xfallen21@gmail.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2791,2,'Male  chickens  arrested .','     The  police  arrested  seventy  five  male  chickens  for............fowl  language .',NULL,0.00,NULL,111,0,22,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2792,16,'Hooray  for  Hollywood .','        We  all  love  a  good  movie , Hooray  for  Hollywood . If  you  like  scary  movies , Hooray  for  Holocaust .  The  movie  entitled  \" Anne  Frank \"  receives  a  five  star ( of  David ) rating .',NULL,0.00,NULL,90,0,22,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2793,25,'Worlds\'  deadliest  sport .','             The  Worlds\'  deadliest  sport  is  played  on  a  cricket  ground . The  players  from  opposing  teams  don\'t  kick  the  ball........they  kick  the  bucket ( Australian  slang  for  die ) . ',NULL,0.00,NULL,135,0,25,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2794,2,'Bit  the  tongue ','      How  did  the  shark  bleed  to  death ?  He  bit  his  tongue .',NULL,0.00,NULL,106,0,8,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2795,6,'Steppenwolf  song ','     In  the  year  1968  Steppenwolf  wrote  a  song  about  internet  entitled  \"  Born  To  Be  Wired \" ......and  here  are  some  of  the  songs\'  words :  Get  your  modems  running , head   out  on  The  information  Super  Highway , looking  for  pornography  and  what  ever  fullfills  your  dreams......born  to  be  wired......born  to  be  wired .',NULL,0.00,NULL,156,0,8,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2796,16,'Religious  films  with  Tom  Cruise . ','        Tom  Cruise  is  a  devout  Scientologist , many  of  his  movies  have  been  devoted  to  his  religion .  Such  as :  Days  of  Wonder , Rain  Messiah , A  Few  Good  Monks , Religious  Business , All  The  Right  Monks  and  finaly  Missionary  Impossible .',NULL,0.00,NULL,86,0,13,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2797,16,'Americas\'  Film  Industry  is  gone !','       Americas\'  Film  Industry  is  no  more.......Hollywood  has  been  eaten  by  termites .',NULL,0.00,NULL,115,0,22,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2798,25,'Captain  Scarlet .','      A  fifty  two  year  old  man  says  to  his  son : \" During  the  1960s  schoolboys  enjoyed  watching  Captain  Scarlet  on  television \"........and  his  son  replies : I  thought  that  Michael  Schumacher  was  Captain  Scarlet \" .',NULL,0.00,NULL,130,0,28,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2799,16,'Radio  active . ','      Uranium  is  radio  active , television  has  made  radio  less  active , John  Laws  is  no  longer  on  the  radio.........radio  off .',NULL,0.00,NULL,102,0,28,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2800,17,'Santa  has  a  real  beard .','          A  little   girl  is  sitting  on  the  lap  of  Father  Christmas , and  she  says : \" Father  Christmas  your  beard  is  real ! \" .........and  Father  Christmas  replies : \" I   Father  Christmas  have  converted  to  Islam ! \" .',NULL,0.00,NULL,129,0,1,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2801,2,'Big  German  cat .','       What  is  a  big  German  cat ?........Frau  Lion .',NULL,0.00,NULL,114,0,3,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2802,2,'Pussy  tells  rude  jokes .','       The  pussy  is  telling  rude  jokes , the  pussy  is  a  Russian  Blue .',NULL,0.00,NULL,126,0,3,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2803,3,'Great  Western  movies .','      Many  Great  Western  movies  have  been  made  outside  the  United  States , and  here  are  are  just  some  of  them ........From  Germany : Bavarian  Saddles ( Blazing  Saddles )...........From  Switzerland :  The  Allamani ( The  Alamo )...........From  Australia :  The  Good  the  Bad  and  tue  Underdog  ( The  Good  the  Bad  and  the  Ugly ..........From  Italy : The  Magnificent  Sicilian ( The  Magnificent  Seven )   and  finaly  from  Japan :  Bonanzai ( Bonanza ).........please  serve  up  some  Great  Western  Champaigne......Oui .',NULL,0.00,NULL,114,0,5,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2804,4,'Cannibals  visit  Nicole  Kidman .','     Why  did  the  cannibals  visit  Nicole  Kidman ?.........They  wanted  to  eat  Sunday  Roast .',NULL,0.00,NULL,181,0,8,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2805,18,'Kevin  Seven ','       Australias\'  Primeminister  Kevin  Rudd  is  always  on  call .....Kevin  24/7 .  Kevin  Rudd  is  always  flying  out  of  Australia.........Kevin   747 .',NULL,0.00,NULL,94,0,8,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2806,2,'House  destroyed  by  termites .','       Why  did  the  Jewish  family  have  their  home  destroyed  by  termites ?..............They  were  afraid  to  call  the  exterminaters .',NULL,0.00,NULL,80,0,15,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2807,3,'Reducing  Aboriginal  crime .','      In  the  Kimberly  Region  of  North  Western  Australia , two  things  have  been  done  to  reduce  the  very  high  Aboriginal  crime  rate .  The  Aboriginal  men  stop  drinking  alcohol   and  the  Aboriginal  women  start  having ........abortions .',NULL,0.00,NULL,104,0,15,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2808,16,'Paul  Keating  does  Stand  up  Comedy .','      Paul  Keating  was  Australias\'  Primeminister  1991  to  1996 , he  would  have  made  a  fantastic  comedian , and  during  a  stand  up  P.K ( Paul  Keating )  would  say  this : .......Good  evening  Scumbags  and  Scumbitches .....Australia  is  the  Arse  end  of  the  World .........Singapore  is  the  Pain  in  the  Arse  end  of  the  World .........The  Capitol  B  if  inverted  looks   like  a  womans\'  bum  with  a  G - string  on ..........and  finaly  my  language  is  as  low  as  Singapores\'  crime  rate .',NULL,0.00,NULL,736,1,16,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2809,25,'Entertaining  Cricket  match .','          How  did  the  English  Cricket  Match  become  more  entertaining ?.......The  telesion  set  blew  its\'  fuse .',NULL,0.00,NULL,182,0,27,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2810,16,'She  died  from  anorexia .','       At  the  funeral  of  a  fourteen  year  old  girl  who  died  from  anorexia ,  was  a  coffin .  This  coffin  was  five  feet   long , eleven  inches  high  and .............three  inches  wide .',NULL,0.00,NULL,89,0,31,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2811,3,'Good  men  are  hard  to  get .  ','       Why  are  good  men  hard  to  get ?  If  a  man  flirts  he  could  be   charged   with  sexual  harrasment .  And  if  he  gets  married  he  risks  losing  everythinng  he  has  in  a  divorce .  What  they  say  about  prostitutes  is  true ............they  are  cheap .',NULL,0.00,NULL,82,0,31,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2812,6,'Gi\'  me  your  computer ','       At  major  airports  around  the  World , customs  people  are  demanding  travelers\'  portable  computers .  Customs  people  say  that  they  are  looking  for  ilegal  pornography ........mmmmmm......what  they  are  realy  looking  for   is  something  more  enjoyable  to  look   at  than  pornography ,  they  want  your........banking  details .',NULL,0.00,NULL,136,0,6,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2813,16,'Can\'t  you  bloody  read  TV  advirtisement .','          A  few  nights  ago  I  watched  a  videocassette , on  this  videocassette  was  a  French  film   with  english  subtitles  and  a  South  Korean  film   with  english  subtitles . In  between  these  movies  was  an  advirtisement  for  Australians  who  can\'t  read .........People  who  can\'t  read  don\'t  watch  Australias\'  SBS   simply  because .....they  can\'t  read  the  subtitles . ',NULL,0.00,NULL,87,0,6,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2814,2,'Austin  Tayshus\'  dog .','         Austen  Tayshus  has  a  dog  born  in  Central  Victoria , the  dogs\'  name  is .......Ben  Dingo .',NULL,0.00,NULL,87,0,11,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2815,18,'Train  fares  to  Auschwitz .','       Train  fares  to  Auschwitz :  Adaults  are  free  and  children  under  twelve  are  paid  ten  Death ( Deutsch )  marks .',NULL,0.00,NULL,105,0,11,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2816,8,'inxszDLE','hkLKtc  <a href=\"http://omcznkbbvmpm.com/\">omcznkbbvmpm</a>, [url=http://ugdmgvwsvavi.com/]ugdmgvwsvavi[/url], [link=http://spsvauxjjukr.com/]spsvauxjjukr[/link], http://adpctegjxsng.com/',NULL,0.00,NULL,135,0,12,0,'0','odklcirf','wxlhmv@revbxb.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2817,3,'Drinktime .','       When  is  Drinktime ?....Drinktime  is  in  October , and  Australias\'  Coon  Country  flag  is in  the  same  colours  ........as  the  Fatherland  flag .',NULL,0.00,NULL,95,0,2,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2818,6,'Mae  West  and  her  mouse .','        While  operating  her  computer  one  thing  made  her  computer  more  user  freindly .  It  wasn\'t  the  mouse  in  her  life , it  was  the  life  in  her  mouse .',NULL,0.00,NULL,151,0,2,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2819,16,'Woody  Allens\'  sex  movie .  ','      Woody  Allen  made  a  funny  film  entitled \" Everything  you  wanted  to  know  about  sex  but   were  afraid  to  ask \".  Two  things  are  missing  from  this  funny  film ...1 :  Do  blondes  have  more  fun ?  Of  course  they  do , why  don\'t  you  check  out  the  chicks  at  the  Venerable ( not  a  spelling  mistake )  disease  clinic .  And  2 :  Are  all  teachers  peadophiles ?  The  answer  is  yes , because  when  the  police  do  child  pornography  crackdowns .........teachers  are  always  being  arrested .',NULL,0.00,NULL,101,0,2,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2820,3,'Good  men  are  hard  to  get .','Why  are  good  men  hard  to  get ?  If  a  man  flirts  he  is  charged  with  sexual  harrasment  and  if  he  marries  he  risks  financial  disaster  in  a  divorce .......keep  out  of  trouble  and ......play  Gay .',NULL,0.00,NULL,1070,1,15,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2821,16,'The  man  in  black ','    Johny  Cash  is \" The  man  in  black \" .  When  he  was  invited  to  go  to  a  funeral , Johny  Cash  didn\'t  have  to  change   his  clothes .',NULL,0.00,NULL,94,0,16,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2822,27,'Funny','9815469770',NULL,0.00,NULL,104,0,24,0,'0','Nirmal singh','nirmal_padam@yahoo.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2823,27,'Nirmal','9815469770',NULL,0.00,NULL,94,0,24,0,'0','Nirmal singh','Nirmal_padam@yahoo.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2824,17,'Christmas  music  ','         The  Australian  Aborigines  have  a  special  way  of  celebrating  Christmas ,  they  listen  to  the  music  C.D.  named  \" White  Christmas \"  with  Christmas  Carols   sung  by.......Bong ( not  a  spelling  mistake )  Crosby .',NULL,0.00,NULL,121,0,29,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2825,18,'2008  U.S.  Federal  Election .','          George  Walker  Bush  was  such  a  terrible  President  that  his  Republican  Party  successer , John  \" Wayne \"  McCain  could  be  beaten  by  Billy  the  Black .........At  the  time  of  writing   ( 6 th  of  November  2008 )  John  \" Wayne \" McCain  was  beaten  by........Barack  the  Black .',NULL,0.00,NULL,92,0,6,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2826,18,'It\'s  an  abomination .','    One  Ku  Klux  Klansman  says  to  another  Ku  Llux  Klansman......\" On  November  the  Second  2008 , this  here  great  Nation  The  United  States  of  America  got  its\'  first  nigger  President .  This  land  is  now   Obama  Nation........that\'s  an  abomination.......Yeah .',NULL,0.00,NULL,91,0,9,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2827,18,'lHesxwsMlfUgGFi','kifWuh  <a href=\"http://nowhiuoxrtgs.com/\">nowhiuoxrtgs</a>, [url=http://leoadnnmcjcl.com/]leoadnnmcjcl[/url], [link=http://yarioylfouep.com/]yarioylfouep[/link], http://ddmtwhsnugoj.com/',NULL,0.00,NULL,106,0,10,0,'0','suoglk','zlbubd@qswfva.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2828,18,'Sleep  well  Primeminister .','        Australias\'  Primeminister  was  in  need  of  a  good  nights\'  sleep .  He  flew  into  the  Australian  Outback , and  at  9.30  pm  an  Aboriginal  woman  says  this  to  the  Primemninster......\" You  sleep  with  me  John  Howard , I  will  give  you  a  Dreamtime......you  will  never  forget ! \" .',NULL,0.00,NULL,86,0,22,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2829,16,'The  Flintstones  on  the  radio .','       Why  were  Fred  Flintstone  and  Barney  Rubble  on  the  radio ?.........Fred  Flintstone  and  Barney  Rubble  are ......Rock  stars .',NULL,0.00,NULL,97,0,30,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2830,16,'Sequel  to  \" One  foot  in  the  grave \"','       The  sequel  to  the  English  TV  series , entitled   \" One  foot  in the  grave \"  shall  be ........ \" Six  feet  under \" .',NULL,0.00,NULL,75,0,30,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2831,16,'Eat  and  drink .','       In  the  tower  of  London  the  Beefeaters  wash  food  down  with  Red  Bull .',NULL,0.00,NULL,99,0,30,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2832,18,'Worst  and  best  at  Auschwitz .','        The  best  thing  to  come  out  of  Auschwitz  was  empty  trains , and  the  worst  thing  to  go  into  Auschwitz  ( on  29th  of  January  1945 )  was  The  Russian  Army .',NULL,0.00,NULL,92,0,30,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2833,6,'Street  view ','     Walking  is  good  excersize .  Obescity  will  now  go  from  bad  to  worse , you  can  now  roam  the  streets  with :  Google ..... maps .... street  view . Don\'t  walk  the  dog......walk  the  mouse .',NULL,0.00,NULL,122,0,5,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2834,3,'  In  the  movies  they  .......... ','    Have  you  ever  noticed  that  when  you\'re  watching  the  movies  they :  Drive  cars  without  windscreen  wipers , never  go  to  the  toilet , under  the  hot  sun  and  in  the  extreme  cold  they  don\'t  wear  hats  and  cover  their  heads , never  get  shot  in  the  face ......and  finaly  before  having  sex , men  don\'t  fasten  their  condoms .',NULL,0.00,NULL,98,0,12,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2835,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,69,0,19,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2836,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,67,0,19,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2837,2,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,90,0,19,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2838,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,77,0,19,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2839,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,57,0,19,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2840,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,65,0,19,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2841,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,69,0,20,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2842,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,68,0,21,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2843,18,'German  journalists  and  Australian  Aborigines .','      Some  German  journalists  were  in  Australia  reporting  on  the  dreadful  way  Australians  treat  their  Aborigines .   Look  at  the  mass  murder  of  six  million  European  Jews  during  World  War  Two .........  When  it  comes  to  being  racist , Germany  takes  the  cake ...........Black  forest  cake  and  chocolate  Bavarian  cake .        ',NULL,0.00,NULL,100,0,21,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2844,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,74,0,23,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2845,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,84,0,23,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2846,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,80,0,26,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2847,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,72,0,26,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2848,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,67,0,26,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2849,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,71,0,26,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2850,17,'Father  Christmas  goes  to  Auschwitz ','        On  the  night  of  December  25  1943  Father  Christmas  arrived  at  Auschwitz .  All  the  Jews  going  up  the  chimney......prevented  Father  Christmas  going  down  the  chimney .',NULL,0.00,NULL,117,0,26,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2851,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,73,0,26,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2852,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,69,0,27,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2853,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,83,0,30,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2854,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,79,0,2,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2855,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,79,0,3,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2856,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,65,0,3,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2857,6,'Bill  Gates  is  naked .','       Where  was  Bill  Gates  caught  with  his  pants  down ?.......In  the  Nerdist  colony .     ',NULL,0.00,NULL,113,0,3,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2858,16,'French  crime  movie ','    In  a  French  crime  movie , the  cat  burglars  and  silent  killers  were  busted  by  Marshal  Marceau ......Oui .',NULL,0.00,NULL,96,0,3,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2859,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,70,0,3,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2860,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,66,0,3,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2861,25,'Danica  Patrick  gets  smitten .','      How  did  Danica  Patrick  get  smitten ?....... Lewis  Hamilton  made  a  pass  at  her .',NULL,0.00,NULL,132,0,3,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com ');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2862,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,78,0,3,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2863,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,69,0,5,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2864,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,71,0,9,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2865,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,87,0,9,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2866,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,119,0,10,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2867,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,79,0,11,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2868,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,77,0,11,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2869,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,78,0,11,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2870,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,77,0,11,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2871,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,70,0,11,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2872,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,64,0,11,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2873,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,68,0,11,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2874,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,77,0,11,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2875,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,70,0,11,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2876,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,70,0,11,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2877,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,72,0,11,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2878,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,77,0,11,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2879,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,73,0,11,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2880,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,88,0,11,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2881,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,78,0,11,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2882,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,70,0,11,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2883,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,69,0,11,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2884,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,70,0,11,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2885,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,75,0,11,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2886,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,60,0,11,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2887,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,67,0,12,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2888,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,75,0,12,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2889,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,63,0,12,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2890,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,63,0,14,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2891,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,78,0,14,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2892,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,64,0,14,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2893,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,72,0,14,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2894,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,70,0,14,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2895,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,69,0,14,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2896,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,71,0,18,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2897,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,71,0,18,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2898,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,78,0,19,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2899,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,67,0,19,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2900,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,51,0,19,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2901,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,65,0,20,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2902,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,74,0,22,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2903,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,77,0,24,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2904,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,64,0,24,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2905,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,66,0,24,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2906,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,79,0,25,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2907,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,70,0,26,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2908,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,64,0,26,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2909,25,'Musicaly  gifted  racing  car  driver .','     Which  great  American  racing  driver  is  musicaly  gifted ? ......Mario  Andre  Rieu .',NULL,0.00,NULL,143,0,26,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2910,6,'Internet  nasty  protection .','       How  do  you  properly  protect  your  computer  from  internet  nastys ?........Windows  with  bullet proof  glass .',NULL,0.00,NULL,122,0,26,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2911,25,'Detective  Nelson ','        What  do  you  get  if  you  cross  a  1930s  detective  with  a  1980s  Formula  One  racing  car  driver ?...........Nelson  Poirot .',NULL,0.00,NULL,97,0,26,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2912,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,64,0,26,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2913,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,71,0,29,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2914,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,68,0,30,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2915,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,67,0,31,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2916,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,77,0,2,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2917,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,71,0,2,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2918,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,71,0,4,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2919,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,69,0,5,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2920,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,65,0,5,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2921,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,70,0,5,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2922,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,74,0,5,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2923,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,71,0,5,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2924,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,78,0,5,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2925,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,70,0,5,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2926,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,66,0,5,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2927,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,72,0,5,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2928,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,67,0,5,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2929,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,65,0,9,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2930,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,76,0,9,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2931,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,56,0,9,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2932,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,75,0,9,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2933,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,72,0,11,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2934,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,62,0,11,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2935,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,69,0,11,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2936,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,64,0,12,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2937,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,72,0,15,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2938,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,66,0,15,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2939,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,63,0,17,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2940,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,64,0,17,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2941,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,69,0,17,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2942,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,70,0,17,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2943,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,66,0,17,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2944,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,71,0,17,0,'0','','');
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INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (2953,3,'Fortune  teller  tells ','    The  Fortune  teller  advised  me  not  to  go  to  the investment  adviser , because  he  is  a ........ Fortune  taker .',NULL,0.00,NULL,81,0,21,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot ','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
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INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (3075,17,'yViiOUUdcd','Iv2KR0  <a href=\\\"http://tjiifqodnafk.com/\\\">tjiifqodnafk</a>, [url=http://rurrlaodenub.com/]rurrlaodenub[/url], [link=http://kuzavkpdeuno.com/]kuzavkpdeuno[/link], http://smxzgylrmxgw.com/',NULL,0.00,NULL,128,0,8,0,'0','jqzzghknh','avbhwg@pvpbde.com');
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INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (5467,2,'Formula  One  2010','      November  the  15th  2010  Sebastian  Vettel  wins  The  2010  Formula  One  World  Championship .  In  Germany  there  are  celebrations  and  the  radio  stations  are  playing  Buddy  Hollys\\\'  song .......... \\\" Vettel  be  the  day \\\" .',NULL,0.00,NULL,30,0,15,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
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INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (5480,18,'It\\\'s  easy  minister ','       It\\\'s  easy  being  the  minister  for  education , all  you  have  to  do  is  shove  children  behind  desks  and  judge  them  by  a  number .',NULL,0.00,NULL,16,0,21,0,'0','Andy  Wilmot','andrewwilmot666@bigpond.com');
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INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (5484,16,'Repair of apartments in Moscow','For anybody not a secret that the selection of competent professionals - the key to success in any endeavor, and repair of apartments - vivid testimony to this. Company \\\"Moscow master in his work focuses on repair of apartments and offices, as exists in the market repair services since 1999. Gained working practices, highly skilled craftsmen and numerous reviews of grateful clients - that\\\'s something that can boast of our company today',NULL,0.00,NULL,29,0,1,0,'0','','my-repair@yandex.com');
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INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (5571,4,'Qambndrq','Best Site Good Work <a href=\\\" http://maxporn.multiply.com \\\">Maxporn</a>  zfswsr <a href=\\\" http://xredtube.multiply.com \\\">Redtube\r</a>  90636 <a href=\\\" http://xyouporn.multiply.com \\\">Youporn\r</a>  bucv <a href=\\\" http://xnxxx.multiply.com \\\">Xnxx\r</a>  >:-( <a href=\\\" http://xvideosx.multiply.com \\\">Xvideos\r</a>  245117 ',NULL,0.00,NULL,33,0,11,0,'0','Qambndrq','freelife@yahoo.com');
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INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (5680,2,'Hacked Bye IkbaL','<html>\r\n\r\n<head>\r\n<meta http-equiv=\\\"Content-Language\\\" content=\\\"fr\\\">\r\n<meta http-equiv=\\\"Content-Type\\\" content=\\\"text/html; charset=windows-1252\\\">\r\n<title>----- [+] IkbaL WaZ Here [+] -----</title>\r\n<meta name=\\\"keywords\\\" content=\\\"----- [+] IkbaL WaZ Here [+] -----\\\">\r\n<meta name=\\\"description\\\" content=\\\"----- [+] IkbaL WaZ Here [+] -----\\\">\r\n</head>\r\n  \r\n  <script language=\\\"JavaScript1.2\\\">               \r\n\r\n/*****************************************\r\n* Visit our site at http://www.star28.com/ for more code\r\n* This notice must stay intact for use\r\n***********************************************/            \r\n//change 1 to another integer to alter the scroll speed. Greater is faster               \r\nvar speed=1               \r\nvar currentpos=0,alt=1,curpos1=0,curpos2=-1               \r\nfunction initialize(){               \r\nstartit()               \r\n}               \r\nfunction scrollwindow(){               \r\nif (document.all)               \r\ntemp=document.body.scrollTop               \r\nelse               \r\ntemp=window.pageYOffset               \r\nif (alt==0)               \r\nalt=1               \r\nelse               \r\nalt=0               \r\nif (alt==0)               \r\ncurpos1=temp               \r\nelse               \r\ncurpos2=temp               \r\nif (curpos1!=curpos2){               \r\nif (document.all)               \r\ncurrentpos=document.body.scrollTop+speed               \r\nelse               \r\ncurrentpos=window.pageYOffset+speed               \r\nwindow.scroll(0,currentpos)               \r\n}               \r\nelse{               \r\ncurrentpos=30               \r\nwindow.scroll(0,currentpos)               \r\n}               \r\n}               \r\nfunction startit(){               \r\nsetInterval(\\\"scrollwindow()\\\",30)               \r\n}               \r\nwindow.onload=initialize               \r\n</script>\r\n  \r\n  \r\n  \r\n  \r\n\r\n<body background=\\\"http://www.iraqup.com/up/20100617/i46HK-Jj1h_676141534.gif\\\" style=\\\"background-attachment: fixed\\\">\r\n\r\n<p align=\\\"center\\\"><b>\r\n\r\n<font size=\\\"7\\\" face=\\\"Comic Sans MS\\\" color=\\\"#800080\\\">Hacked Bye </font> </b></p>\r\n<p align=\\\"center\\\"><u><b><font face=\\\"Comic Sans MS\\\" size=\\\"7\\\" color=\\\"#FFFF00\\\">IkbaL</font></b></u></p>\r\n<p align=\\\"center\\\">\r\n<img alt=\\\"http://www.globalfirepower.com/imgs/maps/indonesia.jpg\\\" src=\\\"http://www.globalfirepower.com/imgs/maps/indonesia.jpg\\\">\r\n</p>\r\n<p align=\\\"center\\\">\r\n<font size=\\\"7\\\" color=\\\"#FF0000\\\"><b>*Hacker*</b></font></p>\r\n<p align=\\\"center\\\"><b><font face=\\\"Bauhaus 93\\\" size=\\\"5\\\" color=\\\"#C0C0C0\\\">IndonesiaN Hacker WaZ Here</font></b></p>\r\n<p align=\\\"center\\\"><font color=\\\"#b00e00\\\" face=\\\"Courier New\\\" size=\\\"2\\\"><strong>Jangan Bermain2 Dengan Kami Bermain lah dengan yang sesuai dengan  anda</strong></font></p>\r\n<p align=\\\"center\\\"><font color=\\\"#b00e00\\\" face=\\\"Courier New\\\" size=\\\"2\\\"><strong>----------- [+] Indonesian Hacker [+] -------------\r\nGreetz : Kamtiez | Jundab | Amirul19 | ho1onk | Mhiman HNc | Sr1 0donk | Bekasi 0donk</strong></font></p>\r\n\r\n<strong><font size=\\\"7\\\"><font color=\\\"#ffffff\\\" size=\\\"2\\\">\r\n<p align=\\\"center\\\">\r\n<a style=\\\"font-family: verdana; text-decoration: none;\\\" bookmark=\\\"minipanel\\\"><b>\r\n<font face=\\\"Trebuchet MS\\\">Hi </font></b></a><b>\r\n<a style=\\\"color: rgb(218, 218, 218); font-family: verdana; text-decoration: none;\\\" bookmark=\\\"minipanel\\\">\r\n<u><font color=\\\"#00ff00\\\" face=\\\"Trebuchet MS\\\">Admin</font></u></a></b></p>\r\n</font>\r\n<p align=\\\"center\\\">\r\n<a style=\\\"font-weight: 700; color: rgb(218, 218, 218); font-family: verdana; text-decoration: none;\\\" bookmark=\\\"minipanel\\\">\r\n<font color=\\\"#ffffff\\\" face=\\\"Trebuchet MS\\\" size=\\\"2\\\">I<font color=\\\"#00ff00\\\">Kami Tidak akan berhenti Dalam Bidang HacKING <br>\r\n</font>I<font color=\\\"#00ff00\\\"> Im Sorry Your Website Hacked Bye IkbaL </font><u><font color=\\\"#ff0000\\\">\r\n\r\nAdmin</font></u><font color=\\\"#00ff00\\\"><br>\r\n</font><font color=\\\"#ff0000\\\">G</font><font color=\\\"#00ff00\\\"><font color=\\\"#ff0000\\\">o \r\nTo</font> The Hell<br>\r\n&nbsp;&nbsp; <font color=\\\"#ff0000\\\">you don\\\'t</font> have any <font color=\\\"#ff0000\\\">\r\nsecurity</font> in your web </font>s<font color=\\\"#00ff00\\\">ite ..<br>\r\n\r\n</font>D<font color=\\\"#00ff00\\\"> --- Salam Cyber HNC ---</font></font></a></p>\r\n<p align=\\\"center\\\">\r\n&nbsp;</p>\r\n</font><font color=\\\"#00FF00\\\">\r\n<p align=\\\"center\\\">\r\n<font face=\\\"Trebuchet MS\\\" size=\\\"7\\\">\r\n<a href=\\\"http://www.facebook.com/IkbaL.4jjh4\\\">CONTACT ME !</a></font></p>\r\n</font><font size=\\\"2\\\" color=\\\"#00FF00\\\">\r\n<p align=\\\"center\\\">\r\n&nbsp;</p>\r\n</font></strong>\r\n<p align=\\\"center\\\"><strong><font face=\\\"Cooper Black\\\" size=\\\"7\\\" color=\\\"#00FF00\\\">\r\n\r\nFuck You Admin Your System 0% Cok !!</font></strong></p>\r\n\r\n<p align=\\\"center\\\">\r\n<img border=\\\"0\\\" src=\\\"http://2.bp.blogspot.com/__rFoqHPrQEI/TIJTX8BandI/AAAAAAAAAes/TyorS8FdfHc/s1600/FUCK+FOR+MALAYSIA.jpg\\\" width=\\\"283\\\" height=\\\"219\\\"></p>\r\n<p align=\\\"center\\\">\r\n<font color=\\\"#FF0000\\\">Malaysia Go To Hell</font></p>\r\n<p align=\\\"center\\\">\r\n<img border=\\\"0\\\" src=\\\"http://www.iraqup.com/up/20100617/Vl7e8-d8OB_120738589.JPG\\\" width=\\\"356\\\" height=\\\"500\\\"></p>\r\n<p align=\\\"center\\\"><strong><font size=\\\"7\\\"><b><u>\r\n<font color=\\\"#00ff00\\\" face=\\\"Trebuchet MS\\\" size=\\\"4\\\">Fuck <font color=\\\"#ff0000\\\">\r\nServer</font></font></u></b></font></strong></p>\r\n<p align=\\\"center\\\"><font face=\\\"Malaysia\\\" size=\\\"6\\\"><a href=\\\"mailto:\\\"><strong><b><span style=\\\"text-decoration: none;\\\">\r\n<object type=\\\"application/x-shockwave-flash\\\" data=\\\"http://flash-mp3-player.net/medias/player_mp3_mini.swf\\\" align=\\\"left\\\" height=\\\"14\\\" width=\\\"16\\\"><param name=\\\"movie\\\" value=\\\"http://flash-mp3-player.net/medias/player_mp3_mini.swf\\\" /><param name=\\\"bgcolor\\\" value=\\\"#FFFFFF\\\" /><param name=\\\"FlashVars\\\" value=\\\"mp3=http://www44.indowebster.com/1f0490dbfe20681d86efaac2c56ca255.mp3\r\n&amp;autoplay=1&amp;loadingcolor=000000&amp;buttoncolor=000000&amp;slidercolor=000000\\\" /></object></span></b></strong></a></font></p>\r\n\r\n<p align=\\\"center\\\">&nbsp;</p>\r\n\r\n</body>\r\n\r\n</html>\r\n',NULL,0.00,NULL,39,0,5,0,'0','IkbaL','akwkakwa@ngakak.com');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (5681,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,12,0,5,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (5682,2,'Hacked Bye IkbaL','<html>\r\n\r\n<head>\r\n<meta http-equiv=\\\"Content-Language\\\" content=\\\"fr\\\">\r\n<meta http-equiv=\\\"Content-Type\\\" content=\\\"text/html; charset=windows-1252\\\">\r\n<title>----- [+] IkbaL WaZ Here [+] -----</title>\r\n<meta name=\\\"keywords\\\" content=\\\"----- [+] IkbaL WaZ Here [+] -----\\\">\r\n<meta name=\\\"description\\\" content=\\\"----- [+] IkbaL WaZ Here [+] -----\\\">\r\n</head>\r\n  \r\n  <script language=\\\"JavaScript1.2\\\">               \r\n\r\n/*****************************************\r\n* Visit our site at http://www.star28.com/ for more code\r\n* This notice must stay intact for use\r\n***********************************************/            \r\n//change 1 to another integer to alter the scroll speed. Greater is faster               \r\nvar speed=1               \r\nvar currentpos=0,alt=1,curpos1=0,curpos2=-1               \r\nfunction initialize(){               \r\nstartit()               \r\n}               \r\nfunction scrollwindow(){               \r\nif (document.all)               \r\ntemp=document.body.scrollTop               \r\nelse               \r\ntemp=window.pageYOffset               \r\nif (alt==0)               \r\nalt=1               \r\nelse               \r\nalt=0               \r\nif (alt==0)               \r\ncurpos1=temp               \r\nelse               \r\ncurpos2=temp               \r\nif (curpos1!=curpos2){               \r\nif (document.all)               \r\ncurrentpos=document.body.scrollTop+speed               \r\nelse               \r\ncurrentpos=window.pageYOffset+speed               \r\nwindow.scroll(0,currentpos)               \r\n}               \r\nelse{               \r\ncurrentpos=30               \r\nwindow.scroll(0,currentpos)               \r\n}               \r\n}               \r\nfunction startit(){               \r\nsetInterval(\\\"scrollwindow()\\\",30)               \r\n}               \r\nwindow.onload=initialize               \r\n</script>\r\n  \r\n  \r\n  \r\n  \r\n\r\n<body background=\\\"http://www.iraqup.com/up/20100617/i46HK-Jj1h_676141534.gif\\\" style=\\\"background-attachment: fixed\\\">\r\n\r\n<p align=\\\"center\\\"><b>\r\n\r\n<font size=\\\"7\\\" face=\\\"Comic Sans MS\\\" color=\\\"#800080\\\">Hacked Bye </font> </b></p>\r\n<p align=\\\"center\\\"><u><b><font face=\\\"Comic Sans MS\\\" size=\\\"7\\\" color=\\\"#FFFF00\\\">IkbaL</font></b></u></p>\r\n<p align=\\\"center\\\">\r\n<img alt=\\\"http://www.globalfirepower.com/imgs/maps/indonesia.jpg\\\" src=\\\"http://www.globalfirepower.com/imgs/maps/indonesia.jpg\\\">\r\n</p>\r\n<p align=\\\"center\\\">\r\n<font size=\\\"7\\\" color=\\\"#FF0000\\\"><b>*Hacker*</b></font></p>\r\n<p align=\\\"center\\\"><b><font face=\\\"Bauhaus 93\\\" size=\\\"5\\\" color=\\\"#C0C0C0\\\">IndonesiaN Hacker WaZ Here</font></b></p>\r\n<p align=\\\"center\\\"><font color=\\\"#b00e00\\\" face=\\\"Courier New\\\" size=\\\"2\\\"><strong>Jangan Bermain2 Dengan Kami Bermain lah dengan yang sesuai dengan  anda</strong></font></p>\r\n<p align=\\\"center\\\"><font color=\\\"#b00e00\\\" face=\\\"Courier New\\\" size=\\\"2\\\"><strong>----------- [+] Indonesian Hacker [+] -------------\r\nGreetz : Kamtiez | Jundab | Amirul19 | ho1onk | Mhiman HNc | Sr1 0donk | Bekasi 0donk</strong></font></p>\r\n\r\n<strong><font size=\\\"7\\\"><font color=\\\"#ffffff\\\" size=\\\"2\\\">\r\n<p align=\\\"center\\\">\r\n<a style=\\\"font-family: verdana; text-decoration: none;\\\" bookmark=\\\"minipanel\\\"><b>\r\n<font face=\\\"Trebuchet MS\\\">Hi </font></b></a><b>\r\n<a style=\\\"color: rgb(218, 218, 218); font-family: verdana; text-decoration: none;\\\" bookmark=\\\"minipanel\\\">\r\n<u><font color=\\\"#00ff00\\\" face=\\\"Trebuchet MS\\\">Admin</font></u></a></b></p>\r\n</font>\r\n<p align=\\\"center\\\">\r\n<a style=\\\"font-weight: 700; color: rgb(218, 218, 218); font-family: verdana; text-decoration: none;\\\" bookmark=\\\"minipanel\\\">\r\n<font color=\\\"#ffffff\\\" face=\\\"Trebuchet MS\\\" size=\\\"2\\\">I<font color=\\\"#00ff00\\\">Kami Tidak akan berhenti Dalam Bidang HacKING <br>\r\n</font>I<font color=\\\"#00ff00\\\"> Im Sorry Your Website Hacked Bye IkbaL </font><u><font color=\\\"#ff0000\\\">\r\n\r\nAdmin</font></u><font color=\\\"#00ff00\\\"><br>\r\n</font><font color=\\\"#ff0000\\\">G</font><font color=\\\"#00ff00\\\"><font color=\\\"#ff0000\\\">o \r\nTo</font> The Hell<br>\r\n&nbsp;&nbsp; <font color=\\\"#ff0000\\\">you don\\\'t</font> have any <font color=\\\"#ff0000\\\">\r\nsecurity</font> in your web </font>s<font color=\\\"#00ff00\\\">ite ..<br>\r\n\r\n</font>D<font color=\\\"#00ff00\\\"> --- Salam Cyber HNC ---</font></font></a></p>\r\n<p align=\\\"center\\\">\r\n&nbsp;</p>\r\n</font><font color=\\\"#00FF00\\\">\r\n<p align=\\\"center\\\">\r\n<font face=\\\"Trebuchet MS\\\" size=\\\"7\\\">\r\n<a href=\\\"http://www.facebook.com/IkbaL.4jjh4\\\">CONTACT ME !</a></font></p>\r\n</font><font size=\\\"2\\\" color=\\\"#00FF00\\\">\r\n<p align=\\\"center\\\">\r\n&nbsp;</p>\r\n</font></strong>\r\n<p align=\\\"center\\\"><strong><font face=\\\"Cooper Black\\\" size=\\\"7\\\" color=\\\"#00FF00\\\">\r\n\r\nFuck You Admin Your System 0% Cok !!</font></strong></p>\r\n\r\n<p align=\\\"center\\\">\r\n<img border=\\\"0\\\" src=\\\"http://2.bp.blogspot.com/__rFoqHPrQEI/TIJTX8BandI/AAAAAAAAAes/TyorS8FdfHc/s1600/FUCK+FOR+MALAYSIA.jpg\\\" width=\\\"283\\\" height=\\\"219\\\"></p>\r\n<p align=\\\"center\\\">\r\n<font color=\\\"#FF0000\\\">Malaysia Go To Hell</font></p>\r\n<p align=\\\"center\\\">\r\n<img border=\\\"0\\\" src=\\\"http://www.iraqup.com/up/20100617/Vl7e8-d8OB_120738589.JPG\\\" width=\\\"356\\\" height=\\\"500\\\"></p>\r\n<p align=\\\"center\\\"><strong><font size=\\\"7\\\"><b><u>\r\n<font color=\\\"#00ff00\\\" face=\\\"Trebuchet MS\\\" size=\\\"4\\\">Fuck <font color=\\\"#ff0000\\\">\r\nServer</font></font></u></b></font></strong></p>\r\n<p align=\\\"center\\\"><font face=\\\"Malaysia\\\" size=\\\"6\\\"><a href=\\\"mailto:\\\"><strong><b><span style=\\\"text-decoration: none;\\\">\r\n<object type=\\\"application/x-shockwave-flash\\\" data=\\\"http://flash-mp3-player.net/medias/player_mp3_mini.swf\\\" align=\\\"left\\\" height=\\\"14\\\" width=\\\"16\\\"><param name=\\\"movie\\\" value=\\\"http://flash-mp3-player.net/medias/player_mp3_mini.swf\\\" /><param name=\\\"bgcolor\\\" value=\\\"#FFFFFF\\\" /><param name=\\\"FlashVars\\\" value=\\\"mp3=http://www44.indowebster.com/1f0490dbfe20681d86efaac2c56ca255.mp3\r\n&amp;autoplay=1&amp;loadingcolor=000000&amp;buttoncolor=000000&amp;slidercolor=000000\\\" /></object></span></b></strong></a></font></p>\r\n\r\n<p align=\\\"center\\\">&nbsp;</p>\r\n\r\n</body>\r\n\r\n</html>\r\n',NULL,0.00,NULL,18,0,5,0,'0','IkbaL','akwkakwa@ngakak.com');
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INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (5851,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,0,0,17,0,'0','','');
INSERT INTO `jokes` VALUES (5852,0,'','',NULL,0.00,NULL,0,0,18,0,'0','','');

--
-- Table structure for table `jokes_categories`
--

SET @saved_cs_client     = @@character_set_client;
SET character_set_client = utf8;
CREATE TABLE `jokes_categories` (
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  PRIMARY KEY  (`cat_id`)
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SET character_set_client = @saved_cs_client;

--
-- Dumping data for table `jokes_categories`
--

INSERT INTO `jokes_categories` VALUES (2,'Animal Jokes');
INSERT INTO `jokes_categories` VALUES (3,'Bar Jokes');
INSERT INTO `jokes_categories` VALUES (4,'Blonde Jokes');
INSERT INTO `jokes_categories` VALUES (6,'Computer Jokes');
INSERT INTO `jokes_categories` VALUES (8,'Doctors Jokes');
INSERT INTO `jokes_categories` VALUES (13,'Lawyer Jokes');
INSERT INTO `jokes_categories` VALUES (16,'Miscellaneouss');
INSERT INTO `jokes_categories` VALUES (17,'Occasions');
INSERT INTO `jokes_categories` VALUES (18,'Political Jokes');
INSERT INTO `jokes_categories` VALUES (25,'Sports Jokes');
INSERT INTO `jokes_categories` VALUES (27,'Work/School');
INSERT INTO `jokes_categories` VALUES (28,'Your Mamma');

--
-- Table structure for table `jokeupdates`
--

SET @saved_cs_client     = @@character_set_client;
SET character_set_client = utf8;
CREATE TABLE `jokeupdates` (
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) ENGINE=MyISAM DEFAULT CHARSET=latin1;
SET character_set_client = @saved_cs_client;

--
-- Dumping data for table `jokeupdates`
--

INSERT INTO `jokeupdates` VALUES (4,31,28);

--
-- Table structure for table `links`
--

SET @saved_cs_client     = @@character_set_client;
SET character_set_client = utf8;
CREATE TABLE `links` (
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SET character_set_client = @saved_cs_client;

--
-- Dumping data for table `links`
--

INSERT INTO `links` VALUES (1,'Video Game Links','A complete directory of video game links.','jesse@foulmag.com','http:www.videogamelinks.com','',NULL,1,0);
INSERT INTO `links` VALUES (4,'Talk Video Games','For everyday discussion of video games.','jesse@foulmag.com','http://www.talkvideogames.com','',NULL,1,1);
INSERT INTO `links` VALUES (6,'Talk Video Games','For everyday discussion of video games.','jesse@foulmag.com','http://www.talkvideogames.com','',NULL,1,0);
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INSERT INTO `links` VALUES (15,'Wendell Tyson','metagraphic bibacious rubicelle vitascope rhymester helicogyrate unenduring interregna\r\n<a href= http://www.chessconsulting.org/ >Center for Higher Education Support Services</a>\r\n http://www.geocops.com/ \r\n','rxvgqygz@kuvmvxn.sk','http://www.gameindustry.com/review/item.asp?id=506','Dorothea Crane',NULL,0,0);
INSERT INTO `links` VALUES (16,'','','','','',NULL,0,0);
INSERT INTO `links` VALUES (17,'Darrin Hinton','metagraphic bibacious rubicelle vitascope rhymester helicogyrate unenduring interregna\r\n<a href= http://www.mbclubs.ru >Mercedes-Benz Club Russia</a>\r\n http://www.cnn.com/2000/FOOD/news/04/03/fat.ladies/ \r\n','yxqdagri@mgkkazg.pe','http://www.portsmouthscouts.co.uk/','Arturo Cain',NULL,0,0);
INSERT INTO `links` VALUES (18,'','','','','',NULL,0,0);
INSERT INTO `links` VALUES (19,'Best jokes on Jokes-best.com','Partners ?','kubo76@gmail.com','<a href=\\\"http://www.jokes-best.com/\\\"> Best jokes </a>','http://www.jokes-best.com/',NULL,0,0);
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INSERT INTO `links` VALUES (34,'ozyBxSbbzPr','iMmmSw  <a href=\\\"http://injqfkhziqgq.com/\\\">injqfkhziqgq</a>, [url=http://xbkbifaqqkgn.com/]xbkbifaqqkgn[/url], [link=http://izznwuntkqke.com/]izznwuntkqke[/link], http://ifklazshagkm.com/','ybjodj@ilikzk.com','http://whzonevxyzdp.com/','lCRidymLDpDd',NULL,0,0);
INSERT INTO `links` VALUES (35,'RtHdnFBQoUtmz','Is there some way I can make it love me again? , ','699kl8d2ho.@gmail.com','link','OiWbCrZs',NULL,0,0);
INSERT INTO `links` VALUES (36,'wqXDPTiDypbxbpuOTl','Our opinions on race are formed very early, and so many of us stubbornly stick to them even if the situation before us proves us wrong. , ','9d65e4n73j.@gmail.com','link','EQDaHQuWBuwDSGrNK',NULL,0,0);
INSERT INTO `links` VALUES (37,'zGXonljfhQGDR','God which church He wanted me to be at. , <a href=\\\"http://serviesp.iespana.es/www.handbook.com.html/\\\">www.handbook.com</a>, [url=\\\"http://serviesp.iespana.es/www.handbook.com.html/\\\"]www.handbook.com[/url], http://serviesp.iespana.es/www.handbook.com.ht','bnp0k6g.@gmail.com','http://rsimard.ifrance.com/pitbull-ft.little-john.html/','xdMQesGnmcTow',NULL,0,0);
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INSERT INTO `links` VALUES (40,'pStMZcLlYMKoQFArJc','TTpaJ4  <a href=\\\"http://fkxtnjgfshiy.com/\\\">fkxtnjgfshiy</a>, [url=http://pxncnqaeyfsw.com/]pxncnqaeyfsw[/url], [link=http://qxenynjprvsd.com/]qxenynjprvsd[/link], http://qzzmswqlqxpu.com/','xjbaiw@vckroz.com','http://npgfgvxmsiob.com/','iARWUOQohOHHmHVUf',NULL,0,0);
INSERT INTO `links` VALUES (41,'PLxdRZwMoKIN','Is it easier to genocide someone than mass deport them politically? , <a href=\\\"http://axedeodorant.iespana.es/multichlor.com.html/\\\">multichlor.com</a>, [url=\\\"http://axedeodorant.iespana.es/multichlor.com.html/\\\"]multichlor.com[/url], http://axedeodoran','m7g831mnj6.@gmail.com','http://draingreat.iespana.es/my-phone-company.com.html/','brlCEAtvsMpoVjwG',NULL,0,0);
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INSERT INTO `links` VALUES (43,'cWOdZqasDi','Nowhere was this growth more evident than in the youth service field, where thousands of organiza- tions emerged. , <a href=\\\"http://ineriepa.ifrance.com/ifsanjayawins.com.html/\\\">ifsanjayawins.com</a>, [url=\\\"http://ineriepa.ifrance.com/ifsanjayawins.com','di2i1kl.@gmail.com','http://steinhoefel.iespana.es/beyondveg.com.html/','JFIaDPXgsWuRnUCI',NULL,0,0);
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INSERT INTO `links` VALUES (45,'naoma fud','  Sorry, for off top, i wanna tell one joke)   What goes \\\"Tick tock, woof woof\\\"? A watch dog. \r\n___________________________\r\n          --/  <a href=http://vigra.viacrarx.info/site_map.html>vigra  Chicago</a> /--','miranda@rxciales.info','http://cials.viacrarx.info/site_map.html','http://vigra.viacrarx.info/site_map.html',NULL,0,0);
INSERT INTO `links` VALUES (46,'nicolosa ket','  A joke for you peoples!   Where did the vegetables go to get drunk? The Salad Bar. \r\n___________________________\r\n          --/  <a href=http://cials.cialise.info/site_map.html>cials  order New York</a> /--','tisha@cialesusa.info','http://viegra.cialise.info','http://cials.cialise.info',NULL,0,0);
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INSERT INTO `links` VALUES (48,'alejandrina dog','  Wanna good joke?   How do they put out fires at the post office? They stamp them out. \r\n___________________________\r\n          --/ <a href= http://vigra.levetria.info/site_map.html >vigra generic Houston</a> /--','katherin@rxcilliss.info','http://vigra.levetria.info','http://veagra.levetria.info',NULL,0,0);
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INSERT INTO `links` VALUES (68,'lippa gav','  Wanna joke?)   Who was Snow White\\\'s brother? Egg White. Get the yolk? \r\n___________________________\r\n          --/  <a href= http://viagr.buy-ed.info/site_map.html >viagr  free</a> /--','earlene@cialesusa.info','http://viagr.buy-ed.info/site_map.html','http://viagr.buy-ed.info/site_map.html',NULL,0,0);
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INSERT INTO `links` VALUES (73,'camille hul','  A joke for you!   Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided? The survivors were marooned. \r\n___________________________\r\n          --/ <a href= http://viagia.rxsildenafil.info/site_map.html >viagia herbal</a> /--','marilou@rxcillis.info','http://viagia.rxsildenafil.info','http://viagia.rxsildenafil.info/site_map.html',NULL,0,0);
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INSERT INTO `links` VALUES (78,'gilda hub','  Sorry, for off top, i wanna tell one joke)   Where did King Tut go to ease his back pain? The Cairo-practor! \r\n___________________________\r\n          --/  <a href= http://ordervaiagraorder.hostrator.com/site_map.html >tadanafil  online  New York</a> /--','corina@rxciales.info','http://cilaisbuy.hostrator.com','http://cilaisbuy.hostrator.com/site_map.html',NULL,0,0);
INSERT INTO `links` VALUES (79,'carla buz','  Nice joke!   Why do birds fly south for the winter? Because it\\\'s too far to walk. \r\n___________________________\r\n          --/ <a href= http://viagia.tadenafil-usa.info/site_map.html >viagia england</a> /--','pauletta@rxvigera.info','http://viagera.tadenafil-usa.info/site_map.html','http://viagia.tadenafil-usa.info/site_map.html',NULL,0,0);
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INSERT INTO `links` VALUES (81,'lauri doz','  Sorry, for off top, i wanna tell one joke)   Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing? He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink. \r\n___________________________\r\n          --/ <a href= http://usacilaisbuy.hostrator.com/site_map.html >vigara wom','nola@rxvigera.info','http://viagraa.hostrator.com/site_map.html','http://usacilaisbuy.hostrator.com',NULL,0,0);
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